I find myself desperately searching for solitude in every part of my day. God has put a hunger inside me to be quiet before him, to come and sit at his feet and to know him personally. If I drop off the face of the planet, but still have a deep communication with him, then all will be well in the world. I find myself so overwhelmed by doing, and needing to rest in him. I don't want to answer my cell phone, let alone make outgoing calls, I want to run for hours and then gather my knees to my chest in a prayer closet and hide myself in his heart. I want nothing to do with men, or even friends, I just want to know him intimately for myself. I can't believe that I have taken my focus completely off replacing the men and the relationships that I have lost, but my soul is so hungry for God, I know that nothing these men would be able to try and offer me can compare to the surpassing greatness of God.

I am utterly amazed at the steps that God brings me to daily, weekly. I sit and tell him that I am ready for the next jump, the next leap closer to him and I am shocked when he bring such healing, so rapidly. I apologized for each thing that I did to Rob last night. It was the most painful thing that I have ever done but I don't feel the anger burried or the guilt anymore. I apologized for cheating, for giving up on our relationship, for everything. He apologized for all he needed to...I can't believe that our lives together are over forever. I know that I have a new life that includes God, children, reality of faith on the way but what a way to get to this point. May my heart never, ever stray this far from Christ again...There is not enough time!

stf

God told me he would give me a new name today after I am healed from the divorce, and then I realized that I dreamed that he gave me a new name last night! How wild is this! Awesome! Surrender...