i dont know what im doing. i feel so disoriented right now. im not supposed to be in CT.i feel like imd one now that i left.i dont know what is keeping me here. i just think its the hope of things. i know things are different with us and id ont know why. you've withdrawn from me and it makes me scared. i feel like its because im not encouraging you like i do. i know that you dont do bother if i dont bother. so i guess i should. but i know its stupid and i know its fruitless. i just get so fucking frustrated that i cant do this with someone normal. why cant i get my fucking mind set. fuck. i hate that i get like this. i hate it i hate it i hate it.i dont even know why. i know that you are set and you dont even think of me. not even like this. at all. i know it. i can tell by how you react. it just arefoeailnkdcoqijwleksdx. but i also know that you do and you often address me first just to do so.l i dont know why aim i so gdamend awakward. im so retarded i get so angry.fuck. hwy

why why why. i need to get it together. i need to get a job. i need to get a life. i need to love everything that i can.