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| Why Bother?No, I'm not asking myself 'Why bother writing in my blog?'. Though it may seem like I've been asking myself that lately, it's more a product of my computer sucking than one of futility.
'Why Bother?' is a question most of us ask ourselves when we're thinking about global warming. For example, 'Why bother changing my light bulbs when I flip on the fluorescent light bulbs 40 hours a week at work?' or 'Why bother buying groceries locally if it's ten times harder than going to the grocery store where there is more variety?' or my personal favorite, 'Why bother thinking about my carbon footprint when roses sent to Britain from Zimbabwe could have a smaller environmental impact than roses from Holland (compounding the environmental/ethical debate to a new plain - should one buy products from depressed economies when the carbon footprint is comparable or even slightly higher?)?'
It can be a bit underwhelming when your individual efforts include replacing light bulbs, buying local produce and dutifully breaking out your note pad and calculator while asking a helpless florist how his roses were grown and transported.
Masterful writer Michael Pollan, who has written about plants and the human consumption of those plants-turned-food for most of the decade, presents a convincing argument in last week's New York Magazine (Why Bother?).
Here's a particularly inspiring quote for a taste:
"If you do bother, you will set an example for other people. If enough
other people bother, each one influencing yet another in a chain
reaction of behavioral change, markets for all manner of green products
and alternative technologies will prosper and expand. (Just look at the
market for hybrid cars.) Consciousness will be raised, perhaps even
changed: new moral imperatives and new taboos might take root in the
culture. Driving an S.U.V. or eating a 24-ounce steak or illuminating
your McMansion like an airport runway at night might come to be
regarded as outrages to human conscience. Not having things might
become cooler than having them. And those who did change the way they
live would acquire the moral standing to demand changes in behavior
from others — from other people, other corporations, even other
countries."
Even this one paragraph makes the effort (i.e.: bothering) seem a little bit more empowering. His entire purpose is to encourage as many people as possible to start a garden, buy space in a community garden, compost - do your part no matter what! Not only will it have an effect on your carbon footprint, it also saves you money, keeps you away from other carbon-consuming activities, inspires others to be 'greener' and the final product of your home garden is often more tasty and satisfying than the mass-produced and transported variety in stores.
Most of us know that making environmentally responsible choices is the right thing to do. If you read Pollan's article and subscribe to his philosophy of viral social change, then you probably didn't need to be persuaded. However, you'd be missing the point if you were only inspired to change your actions. 'Why bother?' is a question we ask ourselves, but it's also a question others ask of us. So encourage others to ask you the question and be confident that you bother for a reason - to do everything you can to change your effect on the climate and inspire others to do the same.
Feeling: Felicitous 
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| New Beginnings
I'm back with some renewed vigor. I'd like to say that writing here will be more regular in 2008, but a quick look at some of my previous posts shows some huge gaps that make it doubtful that I'll live up to my intentions. So -- no promises. Boding well for making this exercise more regular, though, is my list of 'routines' (avoiding the term 'resolution') for the future (not just the year).
Before I get to that...the latest on the job/job search. Frustrations with my current job are still abundant. Having completed the course-work for my masters over the summer, there has been little change at work except for a meager attempt to placate me with some more professional responsibilities that require reporting to a more experienced higher ed professional and a welcome office switcher-oo.
At the end of the spring semester, the Dean of the College came to talk to me in my old office, which was slightly larger than a closet, had one incomplete wall adjacent to the community kitchen and another thin wall that was shared with the mens' bathroom -- leaving the details of why I needed a switch to the imagination. Anyway...the point was he realized from the details I listed on my job evaluation that I was interested in advancement. Although he was willing to make that a reality, what he couldn't do was match it with any guarantees of salary compensation within the academic year. Taking what I could, I accepted the proposal for more professional experience.
Fast forward...I've been in committee for "early decision" in admissions and gotten additional exposure in the admissions office, both of which make me feel like a more valuable professional. A semester later, it all feels inadequate considering my barbone salary, though.
As for the latest, an administrative employee with similar sentiments as myself (she also does well above and beyond the expectations of an administrative aide) and an assistant director have announced new job opportunities that will have them both leaving within the month. Given the fact that in addition to myself there are only two other employees in the 40+ person staff at this level, this is an unusual strain for the office.
Rewind a bit...back in October I applied for jobs at two institutions I have become enamored with: Haverford College in suburban Philadelphia and Davidson College in suburban Charlotte, North Carolina. Turns out I got a few bites on these annual fund jobs. After two successful phone interviews, I have on campus interviews this week as a final candidate at each institution.
So -- opportunities abound. We'll see what materializes, but it should be exciting whatever the result.
Onto resolu-, I mean routines. The reason I'm going to refer to changes in lifestyle as routines as opposed to resolutions is because I'm starting to realize that calling something a resolution only reinforces the fact that I'm making a change, which can make it more difficult to accomplish. I also want these routines to extend beyond the year, so I won't limit myself to making this "Routines for 2008".
Routine #1 - Running Personal Records. I'm making a commitment to run on a regular basis with the intention of eclipsing my performance in 2007 in the 10-mile race and Half Marathon. Whether or not I run a marathon in 2008 is still up for debate, but I'll be content to run both distances that I ran in 2007 with more competitive results.
Routine #2 - Live healthier. Since adequate training is required to improve, going to the gym will be a necessary routine, including regular running, weight training and fitness regiments. I won't stop there, though. I'm dedicated to eating a more balanced and healthy diet, including cooking meals at home more often.
Routine #3 - Read 20 books in 2008. Back in 2006 I did this and found it incredibly rewarding. I have enough time on my hands with graduate school out of the picture. My only rule is that I don't compromise what I'm reading to accomplish the goal (i.e.: I won't be choosing quick reads just to say I've reached 20 books).
I'm confident that nothing I've listed is beyond my ability. My intent will be to inject updates on these three routines in regular blog posts along with general updates, news and ponderings.
Feeling - Unstoppable
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| What Happens When First Impressions Are Outgrown?My last post was about, among other things, new beginnings. A new degree from a professional school should be a rather clear indication that a person has dedicated valuable time and money to something in the hopes of seeing a return on the investment. I don't think many people would be surprised to hear that my intention in getting a masters degree was not just to keep myself occupied; few things that I choose to dedicate my time to are simply to kill time. The way I'm feeling at work, I wonder if anyone cares that I have dreams.
I took a job out of college in a position I don't readily identify with (two and a half years later). There is nothing wrong with being an administrative assistant, but my goals and ambitions are not consistent with this career track. I see myself as a leader; I consider myself a visionary; I aspire to inspire.
Don't get me wrong, administrative aides are invaluable resources and among the least appreciated in most offices. They answer phones, create an environment that is comfortable to others through friendly platitudes and sincere acts of support, ensure the smooth operation of equipment, supply and restock supplies we wouldn't value unless they were absent (i.e.: coffee, pens, paper, cups, plates, water, the list could go on indefinitely), perform the routine acts that allow others to dedicate time and energy to other priorities, and they are always ready to help a cause when called upon. In short, without the administrative core, most offices (mine definitely included) would hopelessly shrug its shoulders and ask 'Where's the coffee?! I can't start my day unless Margaret Mary or Barbara is here to brew me a cup of joe...'. (I've witnessed these days on occasion, and it's rather sad to see so many capable individuals quizzically wonder what to do make the coffee brew...)
The fact that I started in an administrative position, I'm starting to seriously fear my fate in the office. I've heard it countless times: jobs in higher education are not designed for upward mobility. Get yourself a job at a school and you've secured your fate in a well-defined niche (either administrative staff, lower professional, middle professional or senior professional, among others obviously excluded for simplicity). For two and a half years, I have ignored convention. I've been narrow-minded. I think I'm finally at a fork in the road...continue down the administrative path or take the higher road...for clarity, that's a metaphor for professional development not a dig at administrative professionals as evidenced by the last paragraph.
I've enjoyed more than my share of promotions and congratulatory accomplishments by my count in my office (there are people just as deserving, perhaps just lacking in ambition, although that is not a dig either). A lot of people are similarly convinced that I'll continue to advance in the office. My suddenly less-optimistic view is that I've reached a limit (the first time I've considered calculus functions and limits valuable since freshman year of college...). The fact is that I'm suddenly forging my own path. There's not a well-trodden path from administrative assistant to assistant director - that only happens in corporate America. The way I'm looking to be rewarded for my work is an American dream, but sadly not a reality in education.
I'm starting to rant, but I'm somewhat disappointed: I was optimistic. I thought it was possible for someone to overcome adversity, even if I am a straight, white young male (see the last post for more guilt on that front). I think I'm finally realizing that sometimes you have to cut your losses and hope that the work you've done has left an indelible (if not temporarily impressive) mark on a place so that you don't have to start over completely.
First impressions may be important, but I think last impressions aren't given enough of a chance...
Feeling: overly appreciated and unfulfilled
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| School's out forever!Cue Alice Cooper!
I turned in the absolute last, final paper for grad school today. Pending a passing grade, I officially have a masters! It feels really (really!) good to be done, but it's been a little anticlimactic. I started the program part-time in June 2005, so it's been two years, many hours of reading and writing, and 300 grueling hours of class in the making. Of course I love the prospect of more me time and the ability to read something that doesn't appear alongside the word 'Required', but it feels like I've joined a club that has 'No Gurls Alowed' on the entry in rushed red paint brush strokes. It's a little condescending, but the grad school graduates club seems pointless and arbitrary; about as pointless as an exclusive club that leaves random groups out.
It doesn't feel anticlimactic because there's not a celebration, in fact I would loathe a party in my honor for completing grad school. The conclusion of this epic feat feels like it has been one huge hurdle that I've effortlessly leaped over without incidence. Don't get me wrong, I've loved the faculty, appreciated the opportunity to explore my interests by researching and writing about various issues, and I've met a ton of interesting folks. But the thought that just because I sat through 10 classes related to the environment I work in (sometimes more so than others) that I'm more worthy of praise sits funny with me. I feel just as competent as I was when I started my job almost three years ago, but suddenly I'm feeling more valued because I have a Masters.
I think this just cuts to a lot of my issues with society. I've had extensive conversations with a lot of people (often a result of a few social beverages -- you probably know who you are, especially if I've gotten livid, dramatic or carried a conversation through the wee hours of the morning) about the inequities in our culture. I hate the whole 'the rich get richer; the poor get poorer' trend. We say that we live in an egalitarian society, but inner-city youth barely make it to middle school and standardized testing measures the experiences of youth in comparison to dominant culture which is irrelevant to much of our diverse society. Those in power feign equality, but really hold back what they hold onto from 'inferior' citizens, and continue to fashion systems that advantage their dominant stature.
I don't feel guilty for forging my way to a reputable place in society with limited means (albeit more privileged than most). I don't pat myself on the back either. But it does bother me that we don't preach what we say we believe; that everyone is entitled to the same privileges (read.: we're all created equal). Young people early on are asked what they want to be when they grow up. We all tend to give similar replies (a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, a teacher). As students get older and start to feel the pressures of school and see how members of their community fair in the real world, dreams become figments of the imagination for poor children because no one truly believes that their wishes will come true. Affluence begets pride and entitlement. These privileged students don't aspire to succeed, they know they will.
I think I always knew I would be OK. It's just frustrating that society can't send that message to masses of less fortunate children that don't realize the potential that twinkles in their eye. As glad as I am to have finished this Masters, it's anticlimactic to think that it really doesn't mean as much for someone who knew he'd get this far. It'd be far more eventful had my accomplishment been met by someone overcoming adversity. I wonder if everyone thinks that being a white, straight young male is easy. I don't blame them sometimes, but it can be hard to feel good about something when you know that the scales are all tipping in your favor.
Feeling: Conflicted 
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| Pursuit of happiness
I'm coming to the conclusion that happiness comes in more than one linear spectrum. In other words, it's relative.
Individual's measure their happiness by weighing the attainment and definition of specific variables differently (i.e.: economics, friendships, relationships, accomplishment of life goals, vocational/job satisfaction, family, education, potential, etc.). This influenced by the norms of happiness society inculcates us with on a regular basis. The American Dream has come to epitomize what Americans should aspire to: a college degree, family (spouse and 2 children), job security, upper middle class status, suburban lifestyle with green lawns & neighborly relations, two automobiles, all with an expendable income. Further complicating our perceptions, we measure our happiness in relation to our age peers, parents, siblings, colleagues, the poverty line, social classes, strangers, celebrities, national and global communities and probably more independently and collectively.
Does the pursuit ever end? Not likely. Does this mean we're never happy? I don't think so. The problem is that we all expect euphoria, when I think happiness is on a relative scale. It's rare to find yourself in a situation where you couldn't be happier, because even if you've exceeded expectations in one variable, there's likely someone who has mastered another variable whom you consider your equal on some level. Suddenly it's an arms race to fill in the gaps, it's our natural tendency to be competitive.
I'm contemplating the meaning and application of the pursuit of happiness to my life right now, because so many people assume that I've come to the apex of one life goal and expect unadulterated happiness. I'm on the cusp of completing my graduate studies for a masters degree, and the expectation seems to be what more could you want?!
There are a lot of things I want, and for me, it represents another step in a journey (pursuit) of fulfillment (happiness). What's intimidating is how to decide which pursuit is relevant to address next...
I'm secure in my educational qualifications at this point in my life. A Masters is enviable to most, especially because the high school and bachelors degrees are standard. Although I've made peace with a career in higher education and dedicated two years to a mastery of the topic, I'm well aware of my academic and scholarly interests within and outside of higher education. I would be content to continue adding degrees and letters to my vitae, but most likely with economic, social and vocational costs associated to those pursuits. Being a lifelong student doesn't mean that I have to be in school for the rest of my life, as long as I'm constantly satiating curiosities and new information of interest to me. Moderation is the lesson of progressive happiness.
I've recently heard that some believe that friendships (number and quality) result in more happiness than financial measures of satisfaction. Sure there are limits, but it's hard to argue that someone who makes a lot of money and is consumed with work with limited social outlets is more happy than a financially-strapped person with a modicum of a social life. We frequently define the traditional college years as the best times of our lives, which lends to the argument that friends more than money make us happy.
I guess I'm happy with my social network, but there's an obvious void. Namely a relationship, arguably a source of happiness I need to address with renewed vigor. I'm fairly certain that finding a female counterpart will make me happier, and with the argument of the importance of friendships in mind, extending my social network will bring with it even more satisfaction.
My other concerns can be described as economic and vocational. I've had a lot of conversations to elucidate my level of job satisfaction. Fortunately, I've had these conversations with people with different perspectives looking at both the short- and long-term measures of happiness in my career and financial situation. Unfortunately, I've been relatively unconvinced with any one argument. However, given a new professionally relevant degree, the fiscal situation of my office (2% pay increase across the board--3% pay decrease assuming 5% increase in cost of living), which is not good, and a pay increase this time last year that left me pleased to see more, but not completely satisfied, I'm ready to declare myself a free agent unless my announcement bears a bureaucratic explosion at my impending departure that levels my expectations and realized salary.
Complicating this convoluted sense of epiphany, though, I'm decisive for once in my life and sure of where I want to live and what I want to do for the time-being: Philadelphia, in a job that pays better and offers new professional challenges (apparently hard to find together). All this time I thought being indecisive was hurting my potential for happiness. Things aren't as bad as I tend to make them out to be, though. Worst-case-scenario, I'm in a place that knows I'm valuable (just doesn't reward it) and I have a regular paycheck. So until things get better, at least I'm moving forward.
Makes you realize that moderation really is the shortest path to happiness, somewhat against the instant gratification culture we're living in.
Feeling: big fish in small pond
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