subliminalcacophony's Xanga

Friday, February 23, 2007

Fri, 23 Feb 2007 17:56:06 GMT

I am currently applying for my fourth year as a Counselor on the phenomenal Aggies Reaching Out trip.
Below is my answer to one of the application questions:

1. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up?

A Librarian.

I love books.
I love the smell of books.
I love the way libraries smell because of books.
I love the way a hardback book feels when you hold it.
I love hearing the inaugural crack of a book’s spine when it is first opened.
I love that the culmination of a person’s life efforts can be shared with the masses.

Johannes Gutenberg is my hero.

I no longer want to be a librarian, but my initial love for books and the written word have manifested themselves in my love for editing, and some very strong stances on punctuation.

I consider Georgia (12- point font) the official font for all my Microsoft Word endeavors.
I cringe when people do not effectively execute the usage of “your” and “you’re.”
I give preferential treatment to individuals who properly use semi-colons.
I feel that ellipses are overrated and completely overused.
I am a strong supporter of the Oxford Comma.
I love proof-reading papers.
I detest emoticons.

I have decided that if I were to ever get a tattoo, this is what it would be:

;

Seriously.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Tue, 14 Nov 2006 17:16:22 GMT

Here are a couple of websites to satiate your artistic pallette:

http://rikiblanco.net

A personal favorite of mine. This Spanish illustrator has a unique perspective on artistic delivery as well as an eerie ambiance that distinguishes his work. His neutral color palette is juxtaposed by the intensity of the subject matter.

http://www.boygirlparty.com

This is artist Susan Ghahremani's website. Her art has a predominantly puerile presentation, yet lies within a sophistication that permeates each perfectly crafted canvas. Just as interesting as the foreground of her paintings are the backgrounds; each one a different combination of colors and asymmetrical geometric figures. Susan is also a songwriter and has a link to her music on her website. Her music and art compliment each other, solidifying her personal genre.

http://newmanpictures.com

Jason Newman is an acclaimed artist with many high-profile clients ranging from New Balance to Random House Children's Publishing. He is versatile and knows how to diversify his artistic endeavors. My favorite works by Jason Newman are those that have an unpolished look to them - resembling sketches. His almost reluctant use of color in these specific drawings bring a sense of importance and clarity by highlighting what the artist sees as essential to the piece.

Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 01:30:30 GMT

For the youngest third of my heart:

So far away is the fragile moon
of that night in June
when we made our escape
to the papier-mache dreams of our youth.

So far away is the beating heart
of that crystal star
who kindly lit our path
with the aftermath of its slow demise.

So far away is the emerald green
of our friends unseen
who mapped their dance of ambiguity
through the shaded light between us.

I wait for those days with silenced sighs;
hoping to disguise my disappointment with each passing sun.

Could they not have lingered a while longer in the twinkle of our eyes,
or left with a knowing glance foretelling of an inevitable return?

Perhaps the promise of a permanent residence in the literature of our minds was too much to demand.

Still, I wait -
Assuaged by your presence and the glimpses of the year nineteen hundred and ninety-four nestled in the corners of your mischievous smile.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Sat, 19 Aug 2006 05:48:00 GMT

Attempting to unflesh a hidden passion buried within the dark caverns of my heart, I find myself longing to write. My subconscious pleads with my stubborn practicality to delineate the ambiance of my soul. Can words on a page ever do justice to the passions continually being etched into my being with every passing pulse? The crudeness of my words inspire the grace of my senses in a futile attempt to capture this ephemeral euphoria. This rare instance of vulnerability is currently aided by the flickering flames of candlelight and the gentle serenades of Billie Holiday which, after journeying through the byzantine conduit of my auditory senses, make their home in the taste of my tears. With the security of a pen in my hand and the threat of Billie Holiday in my eyes, I desperately search for the quintessential phrase that will preserve this sublime moment in the spring of my existence: I have been inspired by the passion and intellect of a man who is inspired by the passion and intellect of words. After experiencing the euphony and brilliance that occur when words and passion meet, I can never again be satisfied with the mediocrity of words without inspiration.

Monday, May 29, 2006

Mon, 29 May 2006 06:00:40 GMT

My phone and I got in a fight over the weekend. I guess it was payback for all the abuse it has tolerated this past year. Anyway, we finally had a complete reconciliation today at our third counseling session (in the last 48 hours) at the local Verizon wireless.

Our first counseling session consisted of getting my phone to break down some barriers. Mainly, the screensaver on my phone would not go away; thus, no calls could be made or received. After an intense 45 minute session, I walked out with a "working" phone. Ah, but it was a pyrrhic victory. I lost all one hundred and ninety-seven of the phone numbers saved on my phone.

The next counseling session took place 15 minutes later when my phone continued to give me the "cold shoulder" and tune me out...literally. I could now make a call to the five people whose numbers I knew from memory, but they could not hear anything that I said. So, much to my disappointment and our counselor Connie's dismay, we returned for another 30 minute session. After much sweet talk, Connie and I finally coaxed my cellular phone into cooperating.

17 hours later we were headed to Victoria, TX for the wedding of Danny and Abby McReynolds. All was going well, and I hoped that witnessing the marriage of our dear friends would remind my phone of the beauty of a working relationship...I was too optimistic. Just two hours after the reception, my phone mysteriously locked itself and demanded a code in order to be used again. Never having had an untrusting relationship with a cellular device and no need to lock it, I did not know what the code was. I knew that it was a number between 0 and 9999. My choices were a.) spend the next 14 hours in Victoria without a working phone, or b.) spend 14 hours plugging in a 4-digit sequence with the possibility of being let down 9998 times. After much deliberation and about 10 numerical attempts, I decided to test my patience.

Fourteen hours later and our third counseling session of the weekend was a complete success; I do not forsee any more problems in the near future.

[Note: This was originally a message sent to Katie Waser as an apology for not returning her call this weekend.]

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Sun, 19 Feb 2006 20:11:30 GMT

***I figure if I am not going to write frequently, I might as well put a post with some substance on here for people to read. This is a flashback to a post I wrote almost a year ago. Enjoy!***

"In 1989, my favorite television show was The Wonder Years , the only TV program that allowed me to be nostalgic at the age of seventeen. One of the things I particularly loved about The Wonder Years was Kevin Arnold's incessant concern about the manner in which certain people liked him. (This person was usually Winnie Cooper, but also Becky Slater and Madeline Adams.) The core question was always the same: Did these girls "like him," or did they " like him like him"? It was an interesting paradox, and it suggests some larger queries that apply to virtually every other aspect of being alive, especially for an American in 2005: How important, ultimately, is likability? Is being likable the most important quality a person can possess, or is it the most inherently shallow? Do we need to be liked, or do we merely want to be liked?...
At some point, people confused being liked with being good . It's important to be a good person; it's not important to be a well-liked person. It's important to be a good country; it's not important to be a well-liked country. And I realize there are problems with America, and I'm not necessarily certain whether the United States is a good place or a bad place. But the reality behind those problems has no relationship to whether or not France (or Turkey, or Winnie Cooper) thinks we're cool. They can like us, they can like us like us, or they can hate us. But that is their problem, not ours."
--Chuck Klosterman

I think this statement and I are soul mates.

This is the embodiment of everything that I have tried to verbalize about the beauty of not caring about what other people think. If you feel you have made the right decision, be confident in that choice and deal with the consequences of your actions whether they are good or bad. Live the life God wants you to live, not the life you feel everyone else expects of you. "Delight yourselves in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart." (Psalms 37:4)  When you TRULY delight yourself in God, the desires of His heart become the desires of your heart. Once you make a choice to obey God, there is no doubt about whether what you are doing is right.
                Will you be liked? Sometimes.
                                                                    Does it matter? No.
Being given the opportunity to live an unapologetic life through Jesus is the most amazingly freeing experience.

I do understand why people see God as restrictive though. They see God and Religion as the same when they are in fact two completely DIFFERENT things. Religion is man's interpretation of God and of how God should be worshipped. Religion takes the focus off of God and places it on HUMAN expectations of how we should relate to God.
                                                                           GOD IS CONSTANT.
The fact that there are so many DIFFERENT religions claiming to worship the SAME God proves that religion and God are NOT the same thing. I am not discrediting religion, or saying that having an established religion is wrong. All that I am implying is that religion is a product of man, and that if we put all of our focus on religion, then we are focusing on man-made law and not on God.
This is why religion feels so restricting.... it is other people's expectations of us. Human expectations for us can be good, in the right context.
                If they are for our betterment...FABULOUS.
                                                     If they result in human judgement of others... BAD.

Okay, here is a big concept to grasp. I will try to clarify it. Everything in brackets is my attempt at an explanation:

" But now a righteousness from God, APART from law ['law' can be seen as 'religion'], has been made known to which the Law and the prophets [ 'the Law' in this context = Old Testament] testify. This righteousness from God comes THROUGH FAITH in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for ALL have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified [forgiven of his/her sins] freely by His GRACE through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."   -Romans 3:21-24

Basically what these verses are saying is that
              1) We are forgiven by God, and it has NOTHING to do with "Religion" or being good.
              2) We are all sinners. (This is the most obvious statement EVER!)
              3) Forgiveness for our sins comes through "faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe." Believe what?
              4) Believe that we are forgiven FREELY by God's Grace through Jesus...(Grace is getting something, in this case forgiveness of our sins, that we don't deserve)
* [note] John 14:6 says " Jesus answered, ' I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

OKAY....so we have figured out that "religion" has nothing to do with God forgiving our sins. So once we can dissociate religion/law from God, we are capable of making the statement that any human effort of being "good" in order to gain access to forgiveness is pointless.
Forgiveness comes FREELY through Jesus ONLY.

All this was to show that religion and God really are two separate entities. I just hate to throw in a statement as critical as this one, and not be able to prove it biblically.

I wanted to explain the difference because many people who call themselves Christians, which means "followers of Christ," are really only following a religion. Because they are following a religion and not God, they get caught up in rules and regulations and forget about the LOVE aspect of God. They get caught up in making judgements, rather than doing what God has called us to do as Christians. Mark 12:31 says "Love your neighbor as yourself." There are no other stipulations to this verse. There are no conditions to who you should love. We are to love everyone.
God is a God of LOVE, not of hate.
I apologize on behalf of Christians for misrepresenting God to you. I am sorry that, as a whole, Christians have presented God as a God of condemnation. I am sorry that you are judged by humans, when the only person who has the authority to judge is someone who has never sinned. I am sorry that you have felt oppressed when you should have felt loved.

I apologize to God for misrepresenting Him. I am sorry that, as a whole, we have changed the concept of Your grace, and made it appear like a system of getting the most "gold stars" for being a good person. I am sorry that we have turned people away from you because we have a misconception of your truth.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Wed, 08 Feb 2006 04:45:37 GMT

So I lied...to everyone.

My last entry said that I would write more frequently, and that was August 27, 2005

Exactly 5 months and 11 days ago.

My most sincere apologies.

I chose not to write in my xanga because so much of last semester was clouded by insecurities and self-doubt. I didn't want everyone reading about my bad days. Especially because those were the only days that I wanted to write about.

It is so strange how your life can be one big, happy memory until you start letting irrational thoughts enter your mind. I shake my fist at irrational thoughts. They are so convincing sometimes.

It will probably be the same case this semester (as far an infrequent journal entries go), except that this semester I am pressed for time instead of pressed for happiness.

Things are looking up this semester. We'll see what I decide to think of myself this time around.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 20:41:24 GMT

Howdy Friends!......I'm back!

This will be a short entry, but a very true one.

I want to apologize for having my last xanga entry up all summer. I don't regret writing it, but it might make you think that my summer was less than amazing. That was one poopy day out of an entire summer of AMAZINGNESS!

I was the youth minister at my chuch this entire summer and it was such an incredible blessing. I didn't want to do it at first, but the Lord changed my heart for the youth and He grew my heart for Him as well! Although I do miss my lip ring, taking it out this summer is something that needed to be done. Who knows? I might pierce it again next year!

I love my friends here in College Station!
I love my new roomies in apt 213!
I love my freshman...Impact 2K5 Omega Benji!
I love my new glasses!
I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!
I love all the new people I have met in just these past two weeks!
I love the color green!

Moral of the story is that I am happy! I know my identity in Christ and I am rejoicing in His presence everyday! I would love to pray for you all so, if you have any prayer requests, send them my way! God Bless You Friends!

I will be writing more frequently...fo' sho'!

Get Excited!

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Tue, 24 May 2005 21:22:17 GMT

I just threw my lip ring in the trash.
                                                                I cried.
                                                                                           Very much.

I thought I could deal with other people's opinions about me. I thought that no matter what, I could be strong and finally feel free from society's expectations.                                I was wrong.

Let me tell you how sucky my life has been for the last 2 months. Wait. Let me rephrase this...

Let me tell you how sucky PEOPLE have made my life for the last 2 months.

I have always liked piercings. I never wanted one myself, but I didn't see anything taboo about them. Lip rings especially. I thought that they were a fascinating choice for an accessory.

A little over 2 months ago, I decided to get a lip ring. I was in PSYC 203, bored as usual, and on an impulse decided to pierce my lip later that night. I took four of my friends and we went on a piercing adventure. It was fun for the first couple of weeks.
                                                                                                       People stared.
I got some rude comments directed at me by strangers.
               I got some rude comments directed at me by acquaintances.
                                      I got some rude comments directed at me by friends.
                                               Nothing I couldn't handle.
People are entitled to their own opinions. I happened to LOVE my piercing, so it wasn't a big deal. I have always prided myself on my ability to be happy with who I am despite of what others might think of me. I guess I hadn't been exposed to as much criticism as I was exposed to in the last couple of months.

Somewhere in weeks 1 and 2 of the short-lived life of my piercing, I was elected president of the Texas A&M University Century Singers. I was so pumped and then... reality check. Week 3 I had a conversation with my choir director that went something like this...

Mr. Wade: "Lisa, I have been meaning to talk to you about your lip ring."
Me:             "Oh, dont worry Mr. Wade. I will have it out for our concert."
Mr.Wade:   "Well, I appreciate that very much, but I was thinking more long term."
Me:             "Oh..."
Mr. Wade: " You see, several people have approached me about your lip ring, and
                      they feel that you are a bad image for our choir. So I am going to ask that you not
                      wear your lip ring at all next year."
Me:             ( In shock) " Okay Mr. Wade. I understand."
Mr. Wade: " It is just that as president, you will be representing our choir to several older
                      people who might not understand."
Me:             " Will all of the board members have to not wear their piercings?" (Knowing that
                       another member of the executive board had a nose piercing)
Mr.Wade:   " Well, you see, if it was an eyebrow piercing, or a nose ring, it wouldn't be a
                       problem. But since you have a lip ring..."
Me:             " So I can't wear it at all next year?"
Mr. Wade: " Well, I don't want to tell you that you can't wear it at all... Just in instances where
                      you would be associated with the choir. So don't wear it at any of our rehearsals,
                      at any of our board meetings, at any social event that our choir plans, at any of our
                      retreats, any time that you happen to be in the Choral Activities Office doing
                     work, at any of our concerts, anytime that people might recognize you as the
                      president of the choir. We just don't want a negative image to be protrayed of our
                      choir. So even if you decide to wear a Century Singers shirt, don't wear your lip
                     ring because we just wouldn't want to be associated with the negative image that is
                      associted with your lip ring."

I walked out of his office in complete shock. I cried so much that day. I felt like I had just been told that I was a bad person and that I was ruining the reputation of Century Singers.

As much as I hate saying this, it has left a bad taste in my mouth for Century Singers. The reason I loved that choir so much was because I felt automatically accepted. I found some of my best friends in this organization. One of the main reasons I ran for president was because I wanted to help perpetuate the unique ability of this organization to accept everyone. I can't look at the choir as an organization the same way anymore. It may sound dramatic, but I just can't help feeling betrayed. So now I am the president of an organization that I have some ill feelings for. I hate this. I have a responsibility to the choir, and I am not going to do poorly because of the situation. I am going to find it difficult though, to be as passionate about it as I was before. In my eyes, it has lost its sparkle. It lost the one thing that made it different from all other organizations to me.

After this, I couldn't enjoy my piercing. It lost its sparkle. It lost the one thing that made it different from all other forms of self-expression to me.

Since then, the piercing became a pride issue. I wanted to prove to myself and everyone else that I could have my lip pierced and not care about other people's opinions of me. I wanted to prove that the piercing didn't automatically make me a bad person. I wanted to prove that I was strong enough and my feelings were strong enough to endure ugly looks and rude comments in the restrooms of restaurants.

For example, I was in the restroom of Chili's a couple of weeks ago and a little girl walked in with her grandmother to wash their hands. I made eye contact with the little girl through the mirror and smiled. She noticed my lip piercing and said "Grandma. What does she have on her lip?" To which the lady replied while she looked straight at me " Well honey, that is what people do when they don't respect themselves." She dried her hands and led the little girl out of the bathroom.

I wanted to prove to myself that I could handle an infinite amount of situations like that if I tried hard enough. So many times in just the past 2 months I have wanted to give in and accept defeat, but I stopped myself.
                                                  So now I am home.
I was expecting a different situation at home. I expected to be treated the same as before because my parents know me. They know that I am not a "hoodlum" like I was called in a restroom at a gas station. BUT I was wrong. They didn't throw it in my face, but I was still subjected to the same treatment that I am going through in Century Singers. My dad told me I wasn't allowed to go to church with my piercing.

On sunday I came back from Corpus and I was locked out of my house because everyone was still at church. After service I saw my dad and went to go give him a hug and a kiss and the first thing he did was turn and whisper "Lisa...take off your lip ring. We are at church." My mom told him to leave me alone. 10 mins later I was in his office trying to comfort him because he was stressed out about all the things he needed to do that day. I was in the middle of telling him that it would be okay and that I didnt want him to stress out when he told me " Well Lisita, the main reason I am stressed out is because of your lip ring." Call me sensitive if you want, but that really hurt my feelings.

He wants me to teach Sunday School for the youth and be on the praise team this summer, which I would love to do. I have been waiting to be used to serve my church, but my dad said I can't do it if I have a lip ring.
                     I am now a stumbling block.
                                                I am officially a reason why people would not come close to God.
All of a sudden, because a piece of metal is in my lip which by the way is identical to the piece of metal almost all women have in their ears, I cannot be used by God. I can't be a leader in my church.

I don't know if I have ever felt as emotionally drained as I have in the past two weeks. I cry everyday now. It happens just randomly. I feel so torn. I feel torn between trying to please God, my parents, and at the same time maintain my personal method of expression.

                              IT IS JUST A PIECE OF METAL!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't understand why people blow it out of propotion. I am a good person. My relationship with God is stronger than it has ever been. Despite this, I am viewed as a bad person who has "turned from God."
The thing that bothers me most is that my dad can't even form his own personal opinion about the situation. He is just scared about what everyone is going to think of him. "He must have done a bad job raising his daughter." "Pastor Chapa doesn't have control of his family."

We were arguing about it in the kitchen, and he was giving me his, "As a leader you have to sacrifice" speech, and then he asked whether I thought God could use me more with or without my piercing. That was it. I got mad, yanked it off, and threw it in the trash.

I am sorry, but when has God been limited in His ability to further His Kingdom by anything we as humans do? God is sovereign. He uses anyone who is willing to be used, regardless of appearances.

                               So here you go world. I give up. You win.

I have learned such a valuable lesson. I always liked to think that I could overcome anything, and that if I liked myself enough, it wouldn't matter what other people felt. I guess I was wrong. I am just as conforming as the next person.

Monday, May 23, 2005

Mon, 23 May 2005 17:08:15 GMT

Most of my friends are currently in Italy on a choir tour which includes singing at a mass at the Vatican for the new Pope.

-They are at St. Peter's Cathedral walking by the colonnades probably without a clue that BERNINI designed them.
-They are reveling in the gorgeous acoustics of the cathedrals specifically designed to produce such a rich, rotund sound.
-They are visually experiencing sights that will be recalled emotionally within them forever.
-They are probably feeling the $2500 strain in their pocketbook and not caring because they know that an experience filled with so much aesthetic beauty and historical value is priceless.

I am so excited for you!

I unfortunately could not go to Italy for several reasons, but the main one being ....AGGIES REACHING OUT (ARO) !!!

I was a counselor last year and decided that I wanted to take a more active role in the program. SO... this year I was on the ARO subcommittee and planned all year for this event. It was A-MA-ZING! I was one of three site leaders at the middle school in McAllen. The eighth graders blew me away. They have so many dreams and aspirations that most of the time are unfortunately left uncultivated and untapped. I hope that we were able to encourage them to prepare for college, and see their full value.

I could talk about this program forever, but I will be brief. This has to be my favorite program at A&M because its core is in the recognition of the value of other people. ARO reaches out to the students who have the potential to succeed, but might not have the encouragement in their home environment to realize it.

I am blessed to have a family like mine!