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supergrrr143
read my profile sign my guestbook Name: mimi Country: United States State: Rhode Island Gender: Female Interests: hRMm. eatinq? =Xx Occupation: Student Industry: Entertainment Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website AIM: babey huggablez AIM: o latdaly o Yahoo: supergrrr143 Member Since: 4/16/2003

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Monday, April 14, 2008

judgmentalisms

life is such a blessing. no one really knows why we're here, why we exist.. but we're well aware of our feelings, our actions and our surroundings. the very fact that we can EXPERIENCE life is what makes everything worth it. the bad times, the good times.. they're all a part of life.

we cry, we suffer.. we smile.. we laugh.

we are only human. but we are the world. we have free will. we have the power to make anything happen.

we can make ourselves happy, we can make ourselves sad. our minds are so complex. and it's an absolute wonder.

If you just take a step back from living your life to look at the big picture, you can see it for yourself.

that each and everyone one of us are human beings. we are one and the same. we each deserve the right to live and be happy and pursue our dreams.

our expectations of the world are what makes life as difficult as you want it to be or as great as you want it to be.

when you look at life like it's awful and not worth living.. it's you who is delved so deeply within yourself, you can't open your eyes and look around you.

when you look at someone else and say that person is a bitch, it's you who makes that person a bitch because you treat that person the way you do, and you look at that person the way you do.

when you look at someone who is handicapped and you 'feel bad' for that person, it's you who is feeling bad.. when you know nothing about that person.

when you see a person with tattoos covering the person's entire body and piercings all over the face, and you say that person is nuts. that's you who makes that person 'nuts'. because honestly, you know nothing about that person.

when you laugh at a man who is 200 lbs. overweight. you're the one making a joke out of him when he does nothing.

The truth of the matter is this.. even if you've known someone for 20 years and you call that person a 'good' person.. that's you who takes a risk and put your trust in saying that person is 'good.' that person you call 'good,' murders 5 innocent people, then you call him a 'bad person'. that's still you and your 50 friends who make that person 'bad.'

what right does anyone have to make a judgment about anyone else? you have the free will to.. and by all means go ahead.. but it doesn't even mean anything. nothing comes out of making judgments except that when you take it personally, you believe in them and you make them real...

PERCEPTION is everyone's own reality.

7:45 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

from teengirl

Usually when we get caught up in relationships, we tend to think that nothing else around us matters and you become so attatched because we love the feelings we get when we are in relationships, especially serious ones.

But, the biggest mistake that you can honestly make is to ditch friends and family things for your boyfriend. Your feelings of wanting to be with him constantly are normal, but don't let them take over you. It not only hurts those around you, but it won't be long until the both of you get sick of each other faster and it's harder to get along later on.

Another thing you have to realize is that you can have fun with your friends. No, you can't kiss them or cuddle them like your boyfriend kind of fun, but you can shop, gossip or whatever it is you do that you can't do with your boyfriend. If he doesn't like shopping, go with your friends. Let your girly side come out with your friends and other parts of you that isn't really apart of your relationship. Besides, try going out for a day and come back late at night and you'll see that those exciting feelings you get with your boyfriend is even more intense when you havn't seen him in a while and you miss him.

The point is that you both have to have lives around each other. There has to be your life, and then there's your relationship life. There has to be his life, and his relationship life. If you don't take time off from him to be with your friends, then soon you'll realize that your friends havn't been calling you and without him you're sitting around bored with no life behind your boyfriend.

Even though you may not want to, call a friend and ask her to a movie or something you both like to do. Let her know that you're sorry that you havn't been out that much anymore, but you're geting settled in your relationship and you're coming back out.

2:21 PM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Sunday morning blues

Feeling absolutely awful.

Last night I finally faced the problem going on in my family. And that has a lot to do with me not being accepted for what I really am..

I've never actually came out to my parents. But I know for a fact they aren't accepting of me, particularly, my dad. I know my mom would probably learn to accept anything that were wrong with me.. she loves me a lot.. but she's so easily influenced, she probably feels like she shouldn't accept me for being GAY.

My dad, never had a close relationship with him.. it seems impossible. We don't speak much and whenever we do, it's awkward. He's incredibly stubborn, traditional, narrow-minded... umm what else? everything i'm not?

I'm feeling torn right now because I can't live the life I want to live out of fear of my parents. Had I been able to move out and live on my own by now.. i probably wouldn't be writing this entry.

But the sad part is that i'm soo dependent on them. This year is killing me. Being poor is killing me.

I'm trying to pick myself up.. I am.. but all I seem to get into is trouble.

I need help.

9:52 AM - 6 eprops - 4 comments - email it

Thursday, May 24, 2007

a regret.. for once

I woke up this morning crying.

I've just realized how heartbroken I really am because I've lost the best job I'd ever had. There's been nothing in my life that I had been more proud of than working this one job. A lot of people who don't know the company probably wouldn't understand, but people who do... people who've worked there.. they know.

It wasn't just a job for me. It started off as one, two years ago, but by this time, it'd become a lifestyle. It humbled me. It touched my heart in so many ways that it's really affected the person I've become. This .. lifestyle.. has made me into a better person. It's opened up my eyes to a world I never knew or appreciated. It's helped me to love myself, to love the people around me and to love life.

I am heartbroken.

I'm heartbroken and ashamed that i've disappointed so many people. I'm ashamed that because of my own cowardice, I've lost this job, but more importantly, the trust of so many people. My colleagues, my superiors, my friends at this company put their trust in me and I failed.

I have never, ever had the intentions of hurting a single soul in my path at this organization. I'd only grown to appreciate and love each person who came along and taught me something new about people and about this world that I've become a part of, my WB world. I failed because I couldn't tell the truth. I failed because I was afraid of what I was losing. I've been torn. I've been absolutely torn between this job, this life that I've worked so hard at building and falling in love with a person who has also changed my life.

My selfish hope was that I could've "had my cake and eat it, too." But I knew in my heart that it was wrong. I knew it wasn't possible. I've been in denial. I've tried to deny that I had this decision to make, only to make things worse.

My biggest and only regret, was that I wish I had made the right choice. And by the right choice, I mean doing things the way it should have been done. I'd made a decision and went about making it without thinking of the consequences. I hadn't even realized what they all were because I was only thinking of myself and what would happen to me. But now I realize that it never should have been just about me.

I hurt people, innocent, loving, caring people who have no idea how much I am truly sorry and yet, I feel too ashamed to even apologize.

I'm at a loss for words, for actions... and for piece of mind.

I don't ask for forgiveness, but I am truly sorry.

9:17 AM - 4 eprops - 2 comments - email it

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

shit outta luck today

Today pretty much sucked ass.

The weather is really gloomy, rainy all day. But that's not what made today suck.

Today sucked because I pretty much saw my girl and couldn't tell her the so many

things that I needed to tell her. And since I wasn't able to tell her and won't be able

to let her know .. not for a great while and because I won't even be able to see her

for a while, I'll just have to let it all out here.

First of all, I wanted to say that I'm sorry

for the way I was talking to her last night. We didn't even get a chance to talk much

so I couldn't apologize and that probably makes me look like more of an asshole.

So I didn't get to talk to her last night and I didn't get to talk to her today and I won't

be able to see her for at least a few days and I don't even know when I'll get to talk to

her.. AGHHH *SIGH*

and the point is I MISS HER. I miss her so much and i'm going to miss her even more.

It's driving me crazy and lately,

I've just been feeling so lonely so it doesn't help to not be able to talk to her, etc.

Well then there's something else I wanted to tell her, which was that

I can't exactly give her something to look forward to.. meaning it's not possible

for me to guarantee something in the future when it hasn't happened yet.

And it's really important for me to not look too far ahead because I've learned that

looking too far ahead doesn't do much for what's happening right now. And even

worse, it could give you false hope.

But I don't mean that you shouldn't have hope for something to happen down the

road because I do have hope. I hope and I pray every day for a chance to be with

her. I don't think she even realizes how much I care about her and who can blame

her when I can't outright show/say it. But I'm saying it now that I do.

I CARE so so so much.. and I want so badly to make her happy.

I don't know what I can give her to look forward to, but I can say that I look

forward to seeing her every day. I look forward to seeing her smile and seeing her

eyes light up and being close to her. I dream of a whole lot of other things that I

wish for the both of us. But the most important thing to me right now is what's

happening at this moment in time and that's that my sweet darling baby is probably

unhappy with me and she probably doesn't know that I want to be with her right now

and that I have thought about her for days and days and hours and hours at a time

and that I sleep with her picture by my pillow every night and really that

i've fallen head over heels in... well, you know ..

and also, that I get scared and nervous all the time that I might lose her.

I get so jealous and worried and everything..

*Sigh*

Please God, can I keep her??

3:52 PM - add eprops - add comments - email it

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