Feeling absolutely awful. 

Last night I finally faced the problem going on in my family.  And that has a lot to do with me not being accepted for what I really am..

I've never actually came out to my parents.  But I know for a fact they aren't accepting of me, particularly, my dad.  I know my mom would probably learn to accept anything that were wrong with me..  she loves me a lot.. but she's so easily influenced, she probably feels like she shouldn't accept me for being GAY.

My dad, never had a close relationship with him.. it seems impossible.  We don't speak much and whenever we do, it's awkward.  He's incredibly stubborn, traditional, narrow-minded... umm what else? everything i'm not?

I'm feeling torn right now because I can't live the life I want to live out of fear of my parents.  Had I been able to move out and live on my own by now.. i probably wouldn't be writing this entry. 

But the sad part is that i'm soo dependent on them.  This year is killing me.  Being poor is killing me. 

I'm trying to pick myself up.. I am.. but all I seem to get into is trouble. 

I need help.