superkyl's Xanga

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Sat, 09 Dec 2006 15:10:33 GMT

Well, I guess when I talked in my last entry about the world falling asleep I did that a little bit myself! I sit here today one week away from graduation having completed every assignment I need to complete and just waiting for the ceremony. It is definitely a strange feeling-in fact, the last two days I keep thinking in my brain that I can only relax for this many more minutes and then I have to get up and do work like I have all semester, but then my brain slowly starts to digest the fact that I don't have any more work.
To pre-emptively answer the question that has been asked by a million people already (so it's really only a pre-emptive move for like two of you, oh well), no, I do not know exactly what I am going to do after graduation. I can tell you that Emily and I will be here until late spring/summer at least, and until then I will simply be gaining experience at the church that I am heavily involved in. It's hard when everyone else is trying to push their definition of happiness on you-Emily and I have talked this out, and we're happy with this decision that will be re-evaluated when we move. Thank you to all those who have accepted us being happy, instead of trying to change our decision so much that we become unhappy just trying to deal with all the questions.
I'm incredibly thankful for good friends as well. Last night, we were at a gathering, and I was completely relaxed. I think most people know that I am almost never that way, so for me to be that way was such a relief. I had a great time, and it's sad that I will probably never see about half of the people there ever again. Oh well, I guess it's a function of going to a college in a different state-many of the people who you get to know really well will just live a long way away from you, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Well, I'm excited for the next challenge, whatever it may be. For now though, I'm going to rest-it's been a long, long time since I've done anything like that. I am open to seeing plenty of friends during my resting time though, and I hope to see you all starting after we come back after New Years. For those I'll be seeing between Christmas and New Years (and for one of you reading, 6 days!), I can't wait to see you all.

Have fun everyone, and have some wonderful holidays!

Friday, July 21, 2006

Fri, 21 Jul 2006 02:39:56 GMT

Isn't it amazing how often we go through our lives asleep? When we are going through trouble, each day can be separated in one's mind quite well. This is the day this went wrong, and each day seems like it takes forever. When we are not going through as much trouble though, all the days start to blend together. We look back and think about all the time that has passed, and really don't understand how it has. That's the way I feel right now. I just looked at my watch and realized this is the two month anniversary of the wedding. We've been married for two months-in one way it's hard to remember not being married, but in another way it feels like the first couple of weeks were just a few days ago. The difference is-I'm relaxed. It's just a different experience, but all of our different experiences can quickly become something that is just the status quo. I challenge everyone to count their blessings-I know I am so blessed. I have a loving wife who means so much to me, I have now two families, and I have great friends who I always knew respected me. That always meant a lot, even though I don't have much in common with many people. I guess I have a little bit of a different attitude towards the life ahead because I realize we won't be here for that long-another year, maybe a little more. I have so much to do in that time. My church is going through a transition time, and normally that would not be a time of change. I realize though that if I want to see some things go through, I need to start working on them now. So often we dance around life, not wanting to rock the boat in any way. We don't call people because we don't know what they will think if we do. We don't suggest ideas because we want to be the ones to show our cards last. Finally, we treat people differently then sometimes they want to be (even when they say they do) just because we have expectations of what should happen at different life stages. This has been a good summer-but we want to take more advantage of our time here. So, I'm saying-we're available. Not completely available, especially since my better half has started orientation on her job (Yeah!) I guess I'm feeling this also because several people that I came to when I was in trouble are in different spots around the world right now and completely unavailable. It makes me realize how little time some relationships have, and that I cannot just expect to see them the next month or the next year. I may not have much in common with many of you, but I want to thank you for sticking by me these last couple years through some bad times. I tend to place people very close to my heart, and you don't know how much all of you are dear to me. So-look for some opportunities to rock the boat-it's the only way to make it move sometimes.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Fri, 02 Jun 2006 14:37:13 GMT

Well, I don't really know what to write, but I thought I'd update. We're still working on getting everything arranged in the apartment, but we are back in town at this point. I start class on Monday, and we'd love to see some people-just give us a call please! We should be getting the wedding pictures soon-I can't wait to see everyone again!

Friday, April 28, 2006

Fri, 28 Apr 2006 21:12:05 GMT

One final left! One final left!
Oh this is quite a week...Emily is graduating in the morning, driving here on Sunday, we're moving and she's doing job interviews and I'm doing my last final on Monday and Tuesday, then we drive back on Wednesday..where we have 2 1/2 weeks from there to get ready for the wedding...defenitely will be frenetic out there. I am sort of in waiting mode right now. We will be here over the summer so anybody who is here who wants to get together, let me know. We're not sure about our shedule, because of course, job interviews are still proceding. Pray especially for the interview on Monday as it would be an area she definitely would be interested in. Otherwise, things are about the same. I'm just trying to race around to say goodbye to all these graduating seniors-it is so sad every year to watch friends pass out of your life, and know that they will never truly know how much they meant to you. I hope everyone has a great end to the year, and I hope to see all of you soon!

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Mar 2006 00:30:38 GMT

Well, I realized so much has happened in the last few weeks that I better update everyone. Hmm..let's see. I found a place to live for the next year, changed my major, and nearly collapsed from exhaustion after taking two tests and a French paper today (after an exhausting last two weeks as well!). I am doing well-today is 2 months from the day from when my wedding is. By the way, some of you who will not be receiving an invitation does not mean that I don't like you-it means 1 of 2 things 1) I already have 300 people coming, a lot being family and church or 2) I didn't think you would come...and I only got so many invites. So sorry to those who eventually don't get any...but I still like ya!
I was told I better make one of these short every once in a while..so I'll stop it here. I hope to see everyone very soon.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Tue, 21 Feb 2006 16:40:39 GMT

I was just thinking today..it's amazing that we make friends and form relationships at all. Now, do not get me wrong on this point. I believe that the need for relationships and friends is vitally important. What I am saying though is that many times when we meet a person, we have a hard time trusting them. Logically, it would seem like they are the same way. Many times, we don't talk to this person that much because of this reason, so how do people ever progress? It rationally does not make sense...so I know that the reason we make friends is because of the grace of God. He gives us that extra urge to talk to this person to get to know them to get over our fears and our quiet nature and our inability to trust sometimes. I have much to be blessed about today in this area. I have many friends that trust me very much. It's even amazing, even those who I don't get to talk to often at all, we can still be almost as deep when we do talk. I don't believe that trust really erodes-it can be broken and torn down yes, but it doesn't simply erode away.

There are some people still that I would like to get to know better, but I really don't know how to for a multitude of reasons. I tend to see the potential in people, and so also tend to see the potential in friendships. Therefore, it is sometimes hard for me to see so much potential in a friendship and not want to seem like I am pushing things. Otherwise, I'll continue to set off that mistrust that is there when friendships are started. Unfortunately, that means many chances for many great friends have also been lost. That almost hurts me as much as if I lose a friend which I already have.

I am a very balanced person. That is both a great thing, and can cause problems many times. I can talk to a wide range of people and do have a wide range of friends. I understand some parts of all of them, but when it comes down to it, I don't quite fit in any of the groups. I am always between everything, and so therefore it is sometimes hard for me to do anything in a group that is larger then 4. Any larger, and I tend to melt away most of the time. I enjoy this balance greatly and love the different perspectives and activities of all my friends. I care about them all very much, and know that they've accepted me as part of their group. I just have a hard time fitting into the primary part of any group, and that is something I will just have to accept.

I really don't know why I have wrote this. Maybe there's someone out there who feels like me, and maybe they'll read this-I don't know. What I do know is that I will continue to listen, and I hope to continue to get to know all of you that may read this better.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Sat, 18 Feb 2006 22:26:33 GMT

Well, normally I don't do things like this, but I think this is fascinating...so I'm going to repeat the craze that many of my friends have done the past few days..please rate me with these adjectives for both good and bad. Thanks! Have a great day!

http://kevan.org/johari?name=superkyl

http://kevan.org/nohari?name=superkyl

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Wed, 01 Feb 2006 00:20:41 GMT

Oh, what to say, what to say?

I have thought about updating this several times over the past few weeks, but every time I have started, I have not been able to come up with anything to say. I mean, my whole life feels like a waiting game right now. I can't seem to concentrate on this semester, and it is becoming increasingly painful for my fiancee and I to be apart. My head seems to be in the clouds most of the time, and I've been very forgetful-so if I forgot something, please forgive me.

My routine has also changed considerably. Many of the people I used to be with are gone. Many others who are here I can't see because of my somewhat strange schedule and my somewhat lethargic nature lately. Please don't think that I am depressed-sometimes I get that way, but mostly I'm pretty happy. However, it feels like months have passed since I left home, and it's only been 3 weeks. With 15 weeks left until my wedding, that doesn't make it seem very close.

One good thing: about a week and a half ago, I had 3 old friends that I thought I had lost forever walk back into my lives in the span of 4 days. One of them in particular is quite a relief from the stress I was suffering a little bit last semster (if you don't know who or what I'm talking about, it doesn't really matter-sorry about the inside information there). We'll see how that continues...but so far it seems promising.

I learned recently that a mutual friend of many of my friends here also has his wedding on the exact same day. I don't want to make my friends choose, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do right now. Any guidance anybody can give me will be very much appreciated.

Well, I think that's about it for now...remember, be encouraging..you'll never know when somebody will need it most.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Wed, 14 Dec 2005 20:17:39 GMT

Well, I guess it's about time to make another entry. It has been a wild ride finishing school these last 3 weeks. For once, though, school was not my primary concern though-people were. I see so many people that are alone, that are hurting, that are in need of a little help. Sometimes, I don't feel like I can help at all. I don't feel like I have been trained or have the expertise in an area to do anything but hurt. I will continue to try though, and I do want to send this message: You all are worth so much. You are cared about, you have a purpose, and people like to have you around. Sometimes the combination of what people say and what we perceive can lead us to that easy lie of that we are just not cared about. Many times its not that we are hated, but rather that we are just tolerated. That is simply not the case: even with me having some of the silliest problems lately, people have shown how much I'm loved. You have to allow them to do so though: you can't try to pull yourself away due to fear.

I am home again. I am excited for once about a Christmas season. This should be very interesting, but there are still some things to worry about. I guess that's always how it's going to be, but the trick is to try to enjoy the rest, and give all the worries to God. We want to be able to predict what happens next, but sometimes we just have to see, and then move on from there.

Just because I'm home for Christmas and not necessarily in the same proximity as most of you who are reading this does not mean that I'd rather do things here. I'd love to hear from any of you, and I'm here to listen. Remember that, and remember that you are cared about deeply by people. I hope everyone has a wonderful break, and if I don't hear from you or post again before then, a very Merry Christmas!

Thursday, November 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Nov 2005 00:59:44 GMT

Well, I am writing from home again. I made it home this afternoon. Home is where the entire gambit of emotions come in, and tonight is no exception. It is always amazing to me how some people can acknowledge something, and yet truly do not care. It is about focus: how can you care about someone else when your only interaction with them is based on what you're focusing on?

Also, being home, I can focus on what has been happening at school a little more with a little perspective. It is amazing to me to think what I thought about school and about people just over the summer, and then to now. God has sent so many people who have been such a blessing to me. Recently, I've been really able to see some opportunities where I had the chance to be a blessing to them, and I hope they feel as encouraged by me as to all the great things they've been doing for me. I don't feel that I can ever help people as much as they help me...it's not from lack of trying, but many times I don't feel I have either the skill or the opportunity to be able to do it.

If you're not sure you're included in this blessing on my life, if you're reading this, you are. Thank you...I may never be able to tell you that to convey the depths of my thanks, but I can only do what I know. We can all only do what we're able to, but sometimes, that is simply not enough. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone-Hope to talk to all of you very soon.