supermansbbgrl's Xanga

Thursday, September 22, 2005

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 16:35:43 GMT

Friday, July 29, 2005

Fri, 29 Jul 2005 19:54:10 GMT

i can't stand people goin on and making up relationships they had with my brother...i hate people sitting there n talking about him as if they know him when they dont....but what pisses me off the most is puttin up shit that he doesnt even do, and making him sound like someone he isn't...i can't read that shit...n tina u need to take that site off...your so fake so ridiculously fake...i cant stand to see my brother made to look like he was your's he wasnt... let it fucking burn and stop pretending to be a saint...God knows you for what you are and knows your true intentions, so lie all you like... the only one who it is important to know your evil knows...

Friday, July 15, 2005

Fri, 15 Jul 2005 01:21:59 GMT

It's been a while since I last wrote but things sort of go nuts around the house on good days, n well...we havent exactly had too many good days since Shel died. Yet i have felt like a new person since the forth of July. I havent gone out really since my brother died and now i sort of gave up on him coming home...you just always hold onto what you have left when everything you love starts to fade...i guess the key is to keep your head up and let yourself be all that you have. Because you can't loose yourself, n if you do...nothing really matters after that anyway. on a brighter note, i finally am turing 16...a couple weeks n i'll be getting my permit. Ha just another reason to run away...it's sort of funny though, i was talkin to my friend tonight n i was explining im not the princess type, im not for thoes sweet innocent guys, n he asked me who i was for, i guess i never thought about it, but i'm not really for anyone, i'm for my friends n family n thats all...i'm ganna be a lonley ol' lady with lots of cats LOL, too bad im allergic to cats

Monday, June 13, 2005

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 21:14:29 GMT

I don’t know what to do with my life anymore,

I cant lift my legs they remain too sore.

My heart is lost, and love means nothing,

Because I foolishly held on and lost my biggest something.

I can’t question where he’s gone,

I know he wont be back,

And reality hits me again, another bitter slap.

I cant breathe im gasping for air,And I don’t know why I try, because I honestly don’t care.

If this breath is forever my last,

I’ll tell you to rely on your self,

Because who you did might get lost in the past.

I tare away from every tear I cry, and I wish it was me…Why did he die.

Now that he has more have died,

Me, for one, has died inside…My pain lingers in the air in my clothes,

And I stay hidden for I can’t stand for it to show.

What the hell, how can this be right.

I heard his laughter, I saw him JUST the other night…

How could I loose this battle, when there never was a fight.

I lost all that I had, nothing worth me seeing is in sight. I want to scream!

Let out what now boils,

And my deep resentment inside is just being to unfoil.

I see such pain and I know ever abuse,

But God why let this happen. HOW can I be of use.How can I help, and explain that it hurts,

A million pages of my heart and even that is too kurt.

This is my mind I’m loosing! Damn its obsurd.

(yeling) Why did you take him,

why didn’t you take me,

I have nothing left to give, damnit god what do you see.

I saw his blood I saw the stained rug…

No other sight could burn my eyes, it stung!

Tear me apart take all that is killing me,

(wimper) god I have nothing left to give, why didn’t you let him be.

He kept me alive, do you want to take us both?

I swore to live for you, I did all I could to devote…

Heh, you but can brush me aside all you that read…

Because it’s just words right, another painful note.

What can you take, is there anymore that I have,

Go ahead I don’t need it…it’s all up for grabs…

I’ve endured all the pain I could, hey…whats another stab?

(calm) just hear me out Lord…

I gave you my life, and I gave more then I could afford..

You hold ever right, but why’d you take another,

God it wasn’t just a life, damnit it was my twin, my brother…

Now I am dieing…I bit of me each day…

And I wish for my soul to be saved, because I can’t live much longer this way…

He couldn’t stay…

I’ll try to understand, but besides my two fathers…

I knew one other man…

I know you are the one who hold all of our plans..

Just help me God, because I need to understand.

Kate Jodry : June 13, 2005

Monday, June 13, 2005

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 20:32:06 GMT

I swear my brother was the only one who really and truely understood me, and was so much like me. I just want to ask why he left me with so many dumb fucking people. I mean i love my friends, and not everyone can be offended by this but honestly what the hell is wrong with people now a days? And everyone pretty much knows my dad use to be a pastor and they look at my family as if we are nuts so its all just ties into me saying. How the hell is god ganna take one of the most important people to me. And i see some of my guy friends who i adore so much go out with trashy girls who aren't worth shit. I know i grew up being taught by my siblings and my brother was prety much my father, and he taught me to never rely on anyone, trust only urself and you wont be disapointed. For the christians out there, my dad use to tell me when something real bad happened that it wouldnt happen if God didnt think that we could deal with it. Well no need to go into it, but i've gone through a few majorly bad things in my life and...i dont think i can be as strong as Shel said i was. Not without him anyway.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Sun, 12 Jun 2005 00:01:22 GMT

I honestly am caught in a time warp. Time has yet to move and for nearly 2 and a half months i've been caught. It was the june fate and all i wanted to do was enjoy myself but of course there is always that one person who seems to ruin things. He had to say some dumb shit and all i could think of is - my brother would have wanted me to let this kid know how he should treat a lady- in other words i should show him how dumb it is to be smart to random people. I cant go anywhere without someone fucking things up...i guess thats wut should be expacted, im just sick off all that bull shit.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Mon, 06 Jun 2005 22:29:37 GMT

Too much time in life comes and moods change dramatically...people want you to feel as good as they do, but i question...do people want you to be happy because they are...or do they want you to be happy because your saddness could damper their joy...hmmm... either way, been having guy issues so i'll just say forget it, i have more problems then that and i dont need a guy being another one....hmmm...wow wut a bull shyt day...im out, night

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Thu, 02 Jun 2005 19:34:25 GMT

As if it isnt hard enough loosing my brother i have some crazy girl who thinks they dated. I can't take the crazy ass people in this world sometimes...Fronting like they know those we loose to make them feel "in" Well to that girl: i want to tell you that it's hard as shit loosing someone like Shel. But you don't know anything bout that. I asked you nicely to stop puttin that picture up, stop telling people he said " I don't kiss and tell" my brother wouldn't have said that...he wasn't corny like that. I can understand if you want people to see what greatness was lost but your nuts! You make him look like a slut, and i won't even say what else. You knew him for not even a MONTH and i ask you politly and you quote amendments...obviously you feel a little too close to the family so let me clue you in. Your not apart of the family, if you fucking knew the family you'd know it wouldnt be one to boast about being in...We lost the best one in the family, we dont need your shit...

Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Tue, 31 May 2005 21:51:01 GMT

Hey all, i guess everyone by now has heard about Ray's passing , i didnt know him that well and that i'll admit. Alot of people are going around doing some dumb shit. If we can all grow up and let petty shit go this messed up crap wouldnt happen. Maybe we couldnt have prevented this entirely, but if we can just learn from it, we won't loose someone else. I know that we dont like people walking on our toes, i for one can't take that...but i guess things got a little too serious. I wish this didnt happen...I had my brother die and that was hard enough, i could walk around school and stick that shit out, and stay strong...but now i can see my pain in everyone else. Everyones tryin to do the same thing and it kills me to see alot of people in pain. The guys i adore trying to hold their own and suck it up for the girls and themselves...i just hope that some of us can see this for what it is...This isn't a game, we just lost someone in a battle...I can't stand the thought of how many we'll loose if we dont prevent this war...

R.I.P Ray Lorent...we'll miss you hun....

Monday, May 23, 2005

Mon, 23 May 2005 19:56:43 GMT

May 1, 1978-Forever Young-April 1,2005