| man. today was super so hard. like, i knew it was going to be hard, and i held in all my tears and crying and stuff all week and weekend till tonight. I really thought i was gonna do fine, because im not as close to this grandad as i am to my other one cause he lives in florida and i haven't seen him as often. but then i got to thinkin...he's my GRANDAD. like, if it werent for him, i wouldn't even be here, and none of my family would be here, and nobody would even know about me cause there would be no me. and i walked down the hall at my nanas and looked at all this pictures of my grandad holding me and kissing me as a baby, and then the pictures of all our wonderful christmas's together...this one year, my nana told him that he had been a really bad boy, and "santa" put a lump of coal under the tree for him on christmas. and so i was looking at those pictures, and i became kind of overwhelmed. It really really just hit me that my grandad was dying. for those of you who dont know, this week he was diagnosed with kidney cancer, and he has a tumor from his kidney all the way to his lungs, and his heart isnt really in good condition, and he has blood clots in his lungs. but anyway, so we went and saw him tonight, and then it hit me again...this will probably be the last time i ever see him. we're going back to texas in the morning, and this was my last day with a man sooooo important. and i feel HORRIBLE because i didn't come down here more often while i was a kid and recently. I wish i could have gotten to know him so much more than i did. i regret all that stuff. so i hugged him, and he started crying, and he said not to ever give up on anything, and that he was going to fight this. and that there's absolutely no point in quitting, because all quitting does is "stop you dead in your tracks" and "gets you nowhere". so i hugged him for probably the last time, and then i walked out. and that was it. it was the hardest thing ever....again. last year at this time was when i watched my aunt die in ICU after her long battle with a liver disease. so i was pretty much silent the whole way home, and me and tori cried together and then i leaned over and said "he's the only normal one left" and then we cried some more. so all in all, today was amazing, and it was gut-wrenching and heart-breaking all at the same time. im gonna miss him so much. so much. so so so much. and i wanted to talk to kristen all day long, but it was jens bday so they were busy i guess. so im goin to bed now, i'm wiped out. g'night.
here's some pics from today...
 <<< my fam and my nana & gdad
 <<< keith, jason, nana, me, and tori
 <<< grandad
 <<< a whole bunch of the family and our waitress at steak n shake
 <<< nana & me at steak n shake
 <<< grandad & nana just before we left 
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