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- The Blue Channel -

Wow its been awhile huh?! Well I'm guessin none of ya liked what I wrote in my last post but thats cool. I wasn't too fond of it myself. lol. Well heres one I started like a month ago and just finished this morning. Its called Moonlight Recovery. Tell me whatcha think please.

I remember how I used to love the look at my reflection.

The way the moonlight shone, seemed to change my complextion.

The way it shined down on the blade,

Seemed so perfect, almost heaven made.

Its been four months since we met last,

Four months since I held you in my grasp.

But you know its not over, for it never really ends.

And so you wait, patiently till we meet again.

Until you make me wince again in pain.

Till you make me feel satisfied, like I've gained.

The way it trickles down my arm,

Leaves me fascinated like some spell or charm.

And as my relfection gets drowned out,

My head starts to clear, and become free of all doubt.

The tears have subsided, for I'm no longer despised,

And in the beauty of it all, I am mesmorized.

It wasn't too deep, so it will clot somehow,

Slower and slower, its almost stopped now.

Now the moonlight is brightly shining through,

Hoping to be welcomed by a color so true.

But now I'm "recovered" or so I've said;

So it won't be welcomed by its friend the deep, red.

Well this ones a little different then what I usually write, but I wanted to try something different. tell me what you think and please be honest if it sucks tell me please!! I'm thinking of calling it something like The most meaniful tears or The bittersweet truth. comments, critiques and title suggestions appreciated. thanx.

I awake to the sound of my alarm screaming at me.

Theres no need to look over, I know its 1:38 AM.

You go off every nite, at that same time.

You do so cuz I tell you to, I want you to.

You and you alone I can depend on

Its you you alone who awakes me from my nitemare ridden sleep.

When I awake its up to me to decide,

Do I pick up the phone, or into the blackness do I subside?

This time is different I tell myself,

But it isn’t and I disappear once again.

And when the sun rises and morning comes,

I’m ashamed of myself, for the enemy has won.

The day progresses, slowly and wearily,

Then nite falls as I crawl into bed drearily.

Now I hear you sound once again,

It’s then I decide this has to end.

I’m tired of not knowing and being afraid.

As I pick up the phone my hand starts to tremble,

I dial slowly for now I cant control the shaking.

I hear it ringing, then a familiar voice.

Then the tears come pouring down.

I remind myself you’ve made your choice

The words hello echo and finally I answer,

I sense the surprise and confusion.

I wipe my tears and take a deep breath.

I finally did it, I faced my fear

But I know it’s not over yet,

And I have not shed my last tear.

Still, a lesson learned you can not forget,

This will be one tear I won’t regret.

~*J*~

Clear nights,

Rainy days.

Fierce fights,

Leaving me phased.

Every nite ends in tears,

Every nite I avoid my fear.

I pick up the phone but cannot dial

Your poisons still seeping through the vile

Its been a month since we spoke last.

That was the nite you took off so fast.

The memories remain vivid and strong,

Memories of how you did me wrong.

You left me alone and terrified,

But theres still some things I need clarified.

Theres so many questions I'm dying to ask,

Though it may be painful, just fill in gaps.

I'm not asking to go back where we were,

Or looking for emotions that I might stir.

I'm afraid of falling back in love,

Every nite I pray to the lord above.

"Please oh please heal my mistake,

Please oh please help my heart unbreak.

Give me the strength to say what I mean.

Help me oh Lord, have him come clean."

And as I push the numbers one by one,

You'll hold me close as his lies come undone.

Its called Are You Unwilling or Unable.Its my first religous poem or one that really mentions god, but this is how most nites are for me. Heres just a little mini poem that came to mind. Its called The Little Things We Hold on to:

I just want closure at the least,

So I can tame this fierce beast.

The one who haunts me in my sleep.

And the memories I'm forced to keep. 

I close my eyes and I still see you. 

And the words that once reigned true,

Continue to echo through and through.

I've finally woken up from this controlled state,

But I'm afraid I've awoken too late.

You never did anything except take.

My heart was nothing more than something to break.

I gave you my money, my trust and my heart,

And you took it all with out halt.

It's amazing the control you had over me;

And thats my mistake for being so trustworthy.

Ya know at times it seemed like you cared,

That you treasured the time we shared.

I need to know was it all an act,

Or did you really love me back?

After everything I've given you,

I just need you to tell me the truth.

Please for I have nothing more to give,

And I'm losing sight of my will to live.

Now tell me was it all a lie?

Quickly, so I can say goodbye.

I can't move on until I know,

So tell me now, before I go.

this ones called lies and mistakes I wrote it about two and half weeks ago I've just been unable to get to my pc. as usual comments and critiques appreciated, thanx.

~*J*~

I've lost count of how many times you've done this

Rejected my love, attention, and even my kiss

Every time i give you my heart

You throw it back, all torn apart

Eventually you ask for it back

And I'm forced to mend the cracks

Well the cycle has begun once again

Now I must choose how it'll end

This time its gunna be different I'm sure

I'll give you my heart, then slam the door

So you can never give it back to me

It shall be yours for all eternity

Break it, mend it, do as you please

For it is now yours, there'll be no more plees

Here I go I'm handing you my heart

Just as you look up at me I turn and dart

Looking back I see the confusion in your eyes

I think to myself will he ever realize?

No matter what happens good or bad

No matter how many times he makes me mad

It doesn't matter, and I will love you until my dying day

For my heart is yours, the price is mine to pay

Now I sit back and watch to see what you do

Maybe this time my heart'll mean something to you...

this ones called meaningless heart, any comments or critiques appreciated