sweetXmusicXaddiction's Xanga

and i'm thinking this is goodbye

Mon, 08 May 2006 01:38:59 GMT

rawr
i give up
i don't care anymore
love and goodluck
i love you all

i can't go through with this
i know it's not healthy
and i can't do this to myself
not with people that care about me
i don't want to put them through this hell

please, leave me goodbye comments
i loved you all so

Monday, May 08, 2006

Mon, 08 May 2006 00:47:09 GMT

how do i lose a pound a day?
without fasting all the time
and remaining healthy enough
to pass a physical
because i want a bmi
of around 20
by the time i have my physical
but i can't be so fucked up i won't pass it
yet, i can't stand to have a super high bmi
>.<
suggestions, anyone?

~Izzy
x3

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Sun, 07 May 2006 15:16:16 GMT

yesterday..hm..
b - one scrambled egg
ms - 1/2 handful peanuts, 8 whole wheat Wheat Thins
l - soft taco >.<
as - yoghurt drink, melon bar
d - nothing
cast party - 5 chips with dip, 2 chips with salsa

workout - acting like i was high at the play
    [haha, i was just being normal crazy, and then the potheads started to copy me]
dancing at the cast party to La Vie Boheme
    [i'm Mimi, i have a Maureen and a Joanne also]
       [[Joanne is Violet, lol]
moshing // head banging at the cast party
dancing like a whore with Violet
    [lol, i love her, she's my bisexual lover number 1]
danced a little like a whore with Sarah
    [lol, i love her too, she's my bisexual lover number something?]

hot and sweaty people
thrashing together
one undulating mass
music pulsing
lights flashing
hey baby, can you feel me?

**Izzy
xXx

haha, i flirted with one guy the whole time during the play
because i was bored
yeah, i don't care if he thinks i like him
because i don't
i like THE GUY from my church
who i haven't seen since a long time
also, my hoodie should be arriving tomorrowww
^.^

[[e.d.i.t]]
depressed once again
not eating, yet again
i think i'm manic depressive
>.<

Friday, May 05, 2006

Fri, 05 May 2006 20:05:10 GMT

i hate it
when they feed your whole school
and you can't escape
you don't force me
but your actions do
>.<

tonight
no dinner
tomorrow
only breakfast
sunday
who cares about food

excersize
tonsss

**Izzy
xXx

Friday, May 05, 2006

Fri, 05 May 2006 01:18:59 GMT

i'm freaking pissed!
more of my blogrings are missing..
including mine!
as in..the one i made
the *~ana i'm back one~*
>.<
but don't worry
i'll be making another one soon
and letting you all know about it
^.^

75% fruit fasting
need to lose that weight
for my physicalll
**Izzy
xXx

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thu, 04 May 2006 19:21:59 GMT

totally fasted so far today
and i didn't even realize until ap
and i was just like
woah, i haven't eaten all day??
and Jeff was like "you fucking anorexic"
i'm just like o.O
i'm not anorexic!
he goes bulimic, whatever
i was like..bulimics eat...
J - and then throw up
I - i haven't thrown up ever in years
J - okay, the you're not anorexic or bulimic
wtf, lol, he's hilarious though

i'm tired
i need to find some stuff
esp. the notes i'd been passing with Violet
because idk where i hid them
and i need to burn them or hide them a lot better
[and actually rememberrrrr]
i'll post the location on here, lol

**Izzy
xXx

hurray for fasting and not knowing
^.^

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Thu, 04 May 2006 00:05:20 GMT

today they served lunch
the academy sucks
so i had to eat
and it was not all the great
>.<
plus tomorrow
my school is having a breakfast
so i have to eat that too
i'm a failure
lately things aren't going so good
but i'm happy
i haven't seen HIM
for a whole week
but i should see HIM on Sunday?
if i'm not too tired from the cast party
[idk how late i get to stay there]

**Izzy
xXx

i'll let you all know soon how i'm doing
and start posting intake once i'm back on track
just, testing week sucks
but i need to be at least 130 by June
because i have a physical then i think?
my parents are making me get one
if i ever manage to find time
to talk to that lady
and make an appointment
but that means i need to starn until then\
^.^
wish me luck
i need to be 130, 135 at most
preferably 125
that means losing 15 pounds at least
in a month
not too bad
but i'm so busy
and i always eat during testing
which is all there is lately
o.O
plus i think that's during finals week!
i have to eat to do well
and not doing well is not an option
>.<
i'm fucking screwed
i don't want my mom to know i'm still fat
i want to be "skinny" enough for her
although i'm not skinny until at least 105

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tue, 02 May 2006 22:39:04 GMT

whew
my site's still here
[for now?]

anyways
i'm losing control
and i don't know why
i'd been doing so good
but now, i'm not
not at all
i haven't gained though
so that's good
tonight, after i do my essays
and study more for AP
and math
and everything else
[showerrrr]
i'm going to dance
i might even dance
    right
       this
          instant

**Izzy
xXx

[[e.d.i.t]]
my site's still here
people still visit
the comments
are none
>.<

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Tue, 02 May 2006 01:42:02 GMT

FUCK

i'm an idiot
i accidentally
flagged this site
and i not retarded or what
so...
incase they close this site
[they being the evil assholes at xanga]
i have a new xanga
she's a part of all of the blogrings
[cough anai'mback cough]
site's exactly like this
and there are all of the posts re posted on there
so yeah
if you care
[which i hope you all do]
look for me
for the rest of you that know that site
if people ask // this goes away
please start to spread the work

i love you all
and i'm not abandoning you guys
at.all
i'm just stupid and careless

i can't believe they're freaking starting that whole flagging thing!
>.<

Love.You.To.The.Bones
**Izzy

Monday, May 01, 2006

Mon, 01 May 2006 20:26:26 GMT

okay
a lil out of it today
but i'm getting serious
only thing is going to be wednesday
ap exam that day, so i'll have to do good

wtf though
i have 2 essays and a test
on the same day as the exam
>.<

i kinda like this person
[btw, i love a lot of people]
and yeah, i'm still all about HIM
but this girl
is totally awesome
and i'm like okay, we're good friends
because i think i confused the last person with friendship
and then i found out this girl is bi
and so now that complicates things
i.don't.care
i hate to admit it
but i'm a tease
i realize that now
but i can't help it
because just the thought
that i can be liked
^.^

yeah, i need to edit those old entries
and excersize
and do about 12 hours worth of homework
>.<

**Izzy
<3
xXx

today, i wanted to cut
or something
it was an awful day
thank goodness for my Bear
^.^

[[e.d.i.t]]
that friend i mentioned
that doesn't eat
whenever she's depressed
feels fat & ugly
because her mom calls her that
and i asked her about ana
and she said
"i don't consider myself to be anorexic because i still eat dinner"
wtf?
i'm ana
i eat dinner
and i think
she's like me in 8th grade
not admitting to ana
or something
but still being ana
not realizing she is anorexic
but still embracing ana

ignorance is [freaking] bliss