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| Sparkle to me city,
Each light shining so bright,
Tell me all your secrets
On this sweet and clear new night.
How many of your babies,
Sleepin on a bed of grass?
How many of your crazies,
Ain't got no place to crash?
Sparkle to me city,
Under a cover quiet and black,
Show me all your memories,
Those that never made it back.
Who drives along your streets now?
In the tiny hours we spend
Speeding through so late tonight
Broken hearts not soon to mend.
Sparkle to me Austin,
Show me your weirdness so unrestricted
Show me your music, hippies and love
Forever I'll be addicted.
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| I wanna size you up.
I wanna break you down.
I wanna tackle you to the dirty ground
I wanna erase you and redefine you.
I wanna take you Beauty,
And I wanna rip you up,
Turn you inside out.
And make you my own.
Take that picture, Mr. Camera-man,
I'll give you a thousand words and then some.
I'll waste hours trippin,
Why not? I can't sleep anyway.
I just want to rob you Beauty,
Of your power, even your name.
I'm gonna take it all
And replace it with my own.
Every mile I ran to attain you,
I wanna watch you crawl.
Wishing you could have my success
While you waste away completely.
I wanna bathe in your desperation
And laugh at your expectations
And I wanna indulge in everything
You made everyone else give up.
I'm gonna flaunt my flaws
and love myself
I'm gonna tear you apart
Tomorrow you'll be nothing.
Peace out Beauty, hope you had a good ride.
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| Your interpretation of control?
Your personal ambition?
Embracing loss
Indulging in negatives.
Feed yourself.
Bones are hidden under skin for a reason.
You think thin is sexy?
No man wants to be scared he's going to break you.
The less you eat,
The slower your metabolize.
The easier it is to GAIN.
Not much of a loser then, huh?
Of course, nothing is sexier
Than an I.V. hook up and hospital robe.
Hunger isn't an annoyance...
It's an obligation.
You embrace numbers,
Must lose five more, get down to 103.
Every meal you deprive yourself of
Takes a week off of your life.
You're mindset mocks millions that starve
Because their ancestors never left that island
Because their parents died of aids.
Because there just wasn't any food.
You are ungrateful for everything you are given
You disgust me, and I pity you.
It is not a trend or a disease.
Turn of your TV and read a book.
Stop adoring the Hiltons
and other fat-free "role models"
Use your youth to enjoy life
Not deprive yourself of it.
Why look like every other sad soul
That starve themselves
To look like the other skinnies
To hurt like all the other skinnies?
There are so many other issues
That you could waste your time on.
So much more to life
Than hurting yourself to blend into a sea of skeletons.
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| She is a nuisance to you.
Taps on your shoulder,
Waits for a glance.
A ridiculous yearning for more.
Can't she be satisfied?
Can't she be still?
Must she always be just beyond your peripheral...
Waiting. Ready.
You try to ignore those eyes,
Those lips, always whispering your name.
Love me she says, just look once.
You don't know it yet, but you are addicted.
You tell yourself that you are special,
That you don't buy this popular obsession.
She knows better...
That's why she hangs around.
She waits for you to look again,
To let your eyes hang on, for one more second.
Each slight taste you allow your mind is longer than the last.
You are beginning to realize that you are addicted.
She has the most amazing blue eyes, and dimpled chin.
Yet tomorrow, she will have the darkest complexion you have ever seen.
And you won't be able to get enough.
She never blinks from that magazine cover.
This addiction plays at the edges of your conscious.
She smiles at you in that sneaky way,
Makes you fall in love with her over and over again.
Yes, you know you are addicted.
Her perfect body,
So petite and lithe.
Yesterday, she was a gazelle.
Tomorrow she will have all the curves you never knew you adored.
This Beauty, she is everywhere.
She is an obsession, whether you agree or not.
Next week she wil be someone you have never seen before,
But you will love her.
Because she is everything you aren't.
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| It has been a long time. A long time since my heart was free to indulge in every emotion, and my mind was free to appreciate the feelings, the thoughts. The thoughts that race through, sometimes so quick, that the beauty is lost. The beauty is lost in a sea of mundane, day to day bullshit.
I love living. I live to feel all of these emotions and even though sometimes I am so completely torn, so completely undecided...I can't help but absolutely adore the internal controversy that makes my head spin and my heart pound.
It is sad, how so many people live their lives from day to day, working, breathing, but not thinking. Not really thinking. Not embracing every emotion, not taking that small moment to appreciate the beauty that is living.
I am not an intellectual. I am not much of an artist. I am quite a little peon...A well-bred cultureless Americanized MTV-seasoned possession-obsessed chickflick sap workaholic and I detest myself for these things. But this will change. This will change tonight.
I'm tired of ignoring my desire to create, to express, to release all of my passions that have been bottled and ignored for so long. It is not wine, my darling self. With age, it does not ripen, it only rots.
Am I dark enough for the art of writing?
I want to strip myself, redefine myself, expose myself, explore myself.
Here I go.
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