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sweetie_J
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Name: Janet
Birthday: 9/9/1987
Gender: Female
Interests: Soccer, football, lacrosse, hockey,singing, acting, dancing, modeling, chilling with my friends, music, boys,eating, being loud & obnoxious, sleeping, and my namjah chingoo
Expertise: Being the crazy self that I am~
Occupation: Student
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message meEmail: email me
AIM:  ditzylilazngrl05
Member Since:
10/5/2002
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| here's my new xanga guys...
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=ditzylilazngrl05
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| I'm teeter-tottering between depression and content-ness with my life.
I've been doing this for quite some time but never realized how close I
am to being happy till now. I may not have many friends whereever I go,
I may not be the prettiest most popular girl at school, and I may not
have the best luck when it comes to guys. But that's all material
stuff. Seriously there's sayings out there that tell you that you can
live without many friends but you can't live without having one best
friend by you at all times. And I think I may have found 2 even 3 of
those friends. All of them knowing almost everything about me. 1
knowing me the longest yet never let me down or left my side. Never got
into a fight, never got mad at eachother, never got on eachother's
nerves, just always there for eachother. I seriously thought boys were
everything in life. It's sad how just one guy can make your life turn
amazing then when he goes, so does that amazing world. It's all fake!
If that's what a guy does to your life then you're living a lie. No
joke, I mean you have to have an amazing world first off to make the
base of your life. Then when an amazing guy comes into it, it may get
better but that doesn't mean that everything will turn perfect because
that boy probably won't last forever. People go in and out of your life
and it's true. I've had many friends that have just left me behind, all
alone in the dark, without anyone else to help me back to the light.
But is that how you want your life to turn just because of a guy? I
don't think so. I mean yeah it's heartbreaking when a guy leaves you or
when you leave the guy but you gotta realize that life will go on
whether or not you want it to. When you find that perfect guy you can't
just latch on like he's everything you need to survive the terrible
outside world. Because most likely he isn't going to be there for you
100% of the time as well as you being there 100% for him. You gotta
make your life good to get a guy that's even greater. When you're
content with your life and God feels that you're ready to take on such
a committment with a man he'll send you the most perfect guy in the
world to you. It's amazing how I never took my own advice when I go
through the same thing. I would tell my friends that the guy who makes
them guy really isn't worth the time. I seriously don't know why I was
rushing so much to find a guy who would make me happy when I wasn't
happy to begin with myself.
Anyways... the break has made me think alot obviously... but I always
think. ALWAYS~ hahaha but yeah Christmas is in 4 days so that should be
fun. My brother is coming home tomorrow so I guess its time for another
lecture about my devil-child like behaviors... psh whatever!!! Well I'm
gonna go get ready to hang out with some of my friends bye!!!
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| Is it just me or does God work in really weird ways to show you which
is the right path to follow??? Who you should be with and who you
shouldn't be with. What you should and shouldn't do. How you should act
and change. How you should never change who you are to be accepted by a
certain group of people or by just one person. How you really should
keep things to yourself unless you are 100% sure that you can trust
them with your life. And how immature people can be in high school...
During the past month I've been going through a lot of trials and
temptations when it came to relationships with people, boys especially;
doing certain things I really shouldn't be doing; and with things that
shouldn't be done at school; and finally with things I should never do
in my life, EVER! I've realized I've made so many poor choices when it
came down to dating... very poor choices. I just went for the ones who
I thought I liked, who might just might like me back, but the ones who
would never treat me the way I should be treated. At first they would
work their charm trying to get to me, make me fall for them, yet in the
end all they want is someone to do things with sexually. Someone who
will drop everything for them at that very moment although that moment
could be extremely short. It made me see that those guys really aren't
worth my time when it came to the dating scene, okay as friends but
never good enough when it came to respecting me for who I am. I never
really understood why guys were always so immature but maybe it's
because they don't want their "soft-side" to be shown. Being seen as
the Big Man On Campus is a great deal to them especially in their high
school and college years. Although I've made many mistakes, I don't
regret them. Yeah, going out with these guys have made me do things
that I really shouldn't have done but it also has taught me other
things as well. How I should respect myself more, how even though I am
not perfect someone may see me as THE ONE, the ONLY ONE, the PERFECT
MATCH someday in life, how everything bad always happens for a reason
that only God knows. Regretting these things will not make them go away
but only keep them stuck in my head forever and I want to start
fresh... Going to KCC in Troy has made me realize that everything in
life is what you make of it. If you keep telling yourself that life
sucks, then it is going to suck. But if you tell yourself that life is
good, that it will turn good sooner or later, it will get better for
you. I forgot where I heard this but here goes "If life is so bad
that it couldn't get any worse, there's only one way to go, UP; so if
your life doesn't seem so perfect right now, it isn't the end of the
world, your life." I really need to keep this in my head
forever... so that I can move forward with all the bs that's been going
on at home, at school, with my friends, and with myself personally.
Making all those decisions may have turned me into a bad person but I
will change for the better. I'm going to take these with me and make
sure that I don't do it again. Although I may get tempted to do it
again, I'll just remind myself that it will not make me happy for the
rest of my life. Only God can make me happy. Only I can change how I
feel because it all starts off with me confessing to God. Once that
happens, maybe my life will change for the better. Maybe I will become
happy again then. Get myself out of the hole that I have dug myself
into. Get all those nasty remarks out of my head once and for all....
Be happy with what I've got knowing that my future is going to be
bright as ever. That I will be happy with my life later on, once I've
fully committed to God that will happen. I really don't know when I
will really be ready to totally committ to God 24/7 but I'm going to
first find myself. I'm going on a journey to find myself because along
the way through my high school years, I've lost myself and dropped
pieces of me that I have to walk back and pick up so that I can live
with myself again. I'm getting sick and tired of all these stupid
rumors going around and now I have to clean them up. No I am not
anorexic, no I am not bulimic, no I am not a slut, no I am not easy! No
I am not going to follow the crowds anymore. And no I am not a
druggie!!! I do not do these things. I don't party all weekend, I stay
at home and watch movies or go out on dates with my buddies... I do not
starve myself to make myself thinner although I am going to start
working out and eating right to get healthier~ Well that's it for now
because I haven't gotten any sleep in the past 3 days so I'm off...
Goodnight everyone!
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| Last night was the most amazing night ever... definitely a night that
will forever be chiselled into my head~ One of the most important
prayers of mine has been answered. I got the answer from the Lord above
about my future. When I got on that stage last night in front of those
thousands upon thousands of people, I felt right at home. I was so
comfortable onstage. Not nervous at all, just grateful that I had the
chance to do. I feel so blessed about being able to this. That was
seriously a once in a life time kind of thing. I have a feeling that I
was put on this earth to be on that stage. To sing my heart out for
everyone to hear. To inspire others with my music. To be able to share
the joy that music has given me. The strength, the hope, the
determination, all my emotions are put into lyrics that I write down on
paper. As I turn them into pieces of my own I try to imagine how others
will take my words. Will they reject it as hateful sayings or will they
praise me for being able to get through my roughest years through these
amazing phrases that express how I felt at the moment that I jotted
them down. Being able to write my own music is truely a gift I will
treasure for the rest of my life. I really believe that I will make it.
I will make it to the big times, not for the money, but for me. Because
it was God's will for me to make it. Because it was meant for me. I
can't exactly explain in words how blessed I am to be able to sing....
it is the most amazing thing in the world.
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| http://community.webshots.com/album/227062414jozQtp
there's the link to my senior pix... pick the one you want and tell me by im-ing me or call me on my cell or at home
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