swtaznhunnybee's Xanga

Sinusoidal

Wed, 16 Jul 2008 05:07:37 GMT

is the life of my iPod.

Starting at 0, I just reached 3pi, phase shift of -pi/2.

Oh, summer

Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:58:17 GMT

After this week, there will only be four more weeks of summer school. This really is approaching the mid point of my undergrad career. What a terrifying thought. I'm beginning to think that I will take the 5 year path... I don't think I want to cram any more classes. I'd rather enjoy what time I have left. And, if I don't do the 5 year thing, I'll just do the 4.5 year thing and walk in spring. It's all good.

These past few weeks have been somewhat of a rollercoaster for me--mentally and physically. I hope I can keep up. The mental challenge is there, and I think I'm keeping up. Let's just hope that my physics midterm grade doesn't tear me apart. The average was pretty low too-- in the 50s. Bio midterm today was decent. Wish I didn't cram as much as I did though. I think I can aim high in at least one of these classes. By high, I don't mean A, btw. As for the physical aspect of it, I think I'm pushing myself to some kind of fatigue. At least, with sleep deprivation and poor eating habits... :( It really showed during practice yesterday. It was a tad scary, I must admit.

On another note... Going to Lonnie's retirement party on Friday makes me wish I was a chem lab demo person. It seems like such a fun job, and Lonnie is sucha fun guy. Too bad he's retired :((

WATCH WALL-E!

This is kind of a low-key post. Tl, dr?

Break Free

Mon, 30 Jun 2008 02:58:38 GMT

I finally figured out why I've been disappointed in myself lately. I have really high expectations of myself, and I've failed to meet them every single semester, month, etc., since early this school year. Furthermore, I've come to realize that I have a lot of umm... pride/emotional issues I need to work out with myself, probably with adequate enough rest (impossible, HAH!) and with being more accepting with the fact that as people, we are bound to fall and should expect that to happen sooner or later.

Another thing I realized is why I don't like going home. It's easy to say that I miss home, my family, etc., but there are times where I really don't mean it. On the other hand, I still call home every once in a while to receive some kind of confirmation that I can't normally get from anyone anywhere else. Yet, I'm the happiest when in Berkeley. How is it possible that I can call home but hate to return to it? Easy. I don't get along with my mom. I can't talk to her without turning it into an argument, or becoming exasperated with how she's treating me. I'm trying my best to be a better daughter, but somehow she does not see that in me. Understandably, I know she cares and worries for me, but there's a line between reasonable worrying and with being oppressive. Unfortunately, it's the latter. I must have been blind all these years, because I've spent so much of my time growing up doing things for her so that I would feel appreciated (that being a hard thing to do as one of four children), that I just became really hard on myself.

When I went home this past weekend, I instantly got into a bad mood. I don't know why... I felt smothered. As some might know, I made dan tat on Thursday and decided to bring some how for my brother and parents. I meant for them to be a surprise for them. Yet, my mom decided to use that moment to attack me for wasting my time and that I should do more important things than baking and letting people come over for that purpose. Later that night she started twisting my words when she wanted to know what kind of career I was interested in pursuing. Luckily, my dad was able to cheer me up by opening my eyes to what I've been blind to throughout my life. I'm really thankful for that.

Anyways, I've been pretty upset about this lately, and being cut down and back like that all the time is really beginning to take a toll on me. I try to be happy and accomodating all the time, but I feel like I can't do it anymore. I'm really tired of being that planner person, the shoulder, the quicker picker upper, the energetic one, etc.

Ahh I think I am babbling now.

Anyways, I'm sorry for being really short with people at practice today. I'm normally not like that.
Sorry for my abnormally foul language, it's a bad habit, I know
Sorry for sounding abusive, I need to learn how to deal
Sorry for not making sense
Sory for this depressing entry

Just, I'm sorry. But I need to start living for myself. I need to get out and live the way I want to, and not live controlled by my mother anymore.

I guess I'll end it here.

ooof

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 04:59:53 GMT

Grumble, mumble.... grumble.... grrr...

Note to self: Get over it.

:)

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 05:09:48 GMT

My days are dwindling down until the start of summer school EEKKKK! This is how I'm spending the next few days (hopefully!)... and a large hunk of money...

6/12- Pedal boating and lunch with Paula!
6/13- work at the Zoo!? i overslept... :(
6/14- Giants Game
6/15- Father's day
6/16- Frolic with Ponbore and the other cool cats.
6/ 17- dinner with MAKE!
6/18- Hairspray! :D
6/19- Dinner with the zoo homies/go to Berkeley and be mad at the LG people
6/20- Work at the zoo!
6/21- Big Tree
6/22- Go to Berkeley, hang out with Paula!
6/ 23- Summer School
6/28- Hang out with Caroline and some other homies!

And somewhere in between, I'm gonna visit the zoo on a weekend, hang out with MAKE, and a tonnnnnnnnn of other stuff!

PS: Brother fixed my iPod! YEE YEE! :)

July events are pretty numerous too! Including: COLDPLAY CONCERT!!!! and Long Beach! YAY! =D

books!

Thu, 29 May 2008 22:18:41 GMT

Today, I went to the library. It's been a while since I've read for fun, so I was really excited once I entered the place. Currently I have a pretty hefty stack of books that I hope I'll finish by the time I start summer school. Here's to hoping! There are also a few books that I need to finish as well-- ones that I started this past year or the previous one but never got a chance to complete, that being Mrs. Dalloway and Emma. I guess Virginia Woolf and Jane Austen do not excite me too much. Haha. SO I guess for the next few weeks I'll be busying myself with those two, as well as: The Namesake, Middlesex, and The Alchemist. Any other recommendations?

Moment of Clarity

Thu, 29 May 2008 00:45:29 GMT

I haven't written an actual blog detailing whatever it was that has gone on in my life since the oh-so depressing entries shortly after Spring Break, and the entries that vaguely hinted at my despair or joy. Perhaps a recap-of-my-life entry is overdue, but for now I will commiserate over my state of affairs, in my inevitable post-graduation life.

I have no real plans, to be honest. I'm not pre-health at all. I jumped that ship long ago and I'm still sitting on an island waiting for pick up. It's not like I haven't considered embarking on that path though. I have thought and have been told that I would make a great doctor or some other health professional several times, but my grades are no where near mint. It's too late now to make that final push, given the state of my GPA.

Multiple times I've mentioned something along the lines of teaching in China, working at the zoo, becoming a teacher in the SFUSD, doing research in a lab, etc., but to be honest I don't know how long I can keep doing any of those. Teaching in China is a venture that would last for a mere year. Working at the zoo would be marvelous, although it will come much to the chagrin of my parents, and my future roommates for bringing the zoo with my upon my return to the apartment/house that I might reside in in the future. Furthermore, I hope to pursue a year long internship at the ARC there but I really don't know if I'll be successful in securing the internship. Another issue here is that I don't know if I'll have the proper training... Becoming a teacher in the SFUSD would be swell. Really, it would. But I don't know if I have the patience to be a good and effective teacher. Lab research makes me laugh. Being a lab rat is not the life for me. I cannot stand working on one project for years only to see minimal results. I know I'll get sick of it within a year, two if I'm lucky.

Career paths aside, my underlying concern is the amount of debt I'll be in when I graduate. Essentially, I feel that my life is at hold until I write that final check to pay off my debt. By then, how old will I be? My possible career paths include becoming a teacher fresh out of school, because that'll take care of a lot of my debt considering how the majority of that will be Federal Loans. But that will take a while. Another thing I could do is wire money from China should I choose to participate in English First in China. I could become a zoo keeper, but again, all to the chagrin of my parents. But for how long could I be a zoo keeper for? Ugh. I want to do everything, but I don't know where to start.

oh god...

Wed, 21 May 2008 17:18:38 GMT

i feel like an idiot. no lies. i've sunk into a pit of academic shat and i'm not sure how to get out, other than to work harder. i need to put things in perspective and see what i should change (or improve upon). i need more focus. i've said that every semester, and it never works. i don't know what's wrong with me. grades have only started to come out too. i don't know if i want to throw up or cry. my life sucks...

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Tue, 20 May 2008 05:28:23 GMT

:D

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Fri, 16 May 2008 06:55:54 GMT

LHFDGLKDHFGLKSDHGOHVBJZCVBZMNCV .Z,MNCBKZTHAUTRAKFNV><sNVALSKJGFAL;DIBVFUYAODRTAKJSNFGV,.ZXCN. ;AHAKSJFHGKFTHATHA;KGVXZCN ARTHA;OE6PQ3846UQAOIJGFoirjg;alshgkjadhkgahelksjhgvlskjdhgoweryh;idfhbgznvfb airhduhgaiudhak; ;WIETUQ'EP ARIHGSKJDHFSKJDYHSKUTID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!