today i just had it up too here with everything.

-mum wants me to move out

-dad doesn't want to know

-i've been asked to be a bum chum

-i've left my bf for someone who says they care (tho everyone tells me he dont)

- my friend fell out with me cause i told her her bf didn't believe me

I ended up walking out to the park where i spent most of the time crying it feels like i just don't seem to fit in anymore and no matter what i try to do nothing works for me.

I tryed writing poetry and ppl everywhere just laughed at me

I tryed playing my guitar and my sister tells me to shut up

I try to talk to amy she says she doesn't care

I even tryed picking up an new laugage and culture (aka german) and everyone thinks im stupid.

What the hell I even tryed to drowned myself on sunday nothing is working and nothing can help me now. I need out and the only way seems to be pointed to death. I hate suiside though it seems very selfish very uncalled for and it never has a good out come of it before.

I get the feeling like you know try it but then if you find out ppl care ask to brought back to life ask God for a second chance. Its like I have been swalllowed up by a deep black whole with nothing but words of death floating around in my head. Some people today must know I'm really upset I have tryed to tell them over and over but do they listen no.

Yesterday my mum beat me round the house and I let her i finally found out exactly who she is i know now that she really wished I hadent been born then maybe she have the life she dreamed of. I can't do nothing about that though, I never chose to be born it just happened. I didn't ask for her to keep me I would be feeling alot better if she hadent. I cant understand it everytime I get upset she makes me feel a million times worse am I meant to stick round and let her push me to suiside or should I leave and find a new life for myself in belfast with amy and will. It's hard not to love your parents but right now wats the point I don't get anything back from them other than brushes and scares all over. My head was soo sore yesterday because mum pulled me by the hair and shoved me out the door.

My life couldn't get much worse but then again who knows maybe they planned it this way and at the end of the torcher movie they make me kil myself for being me.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................