ni

gosh, i haven't written in here in SUCH a long time, (although  maybe it's not that long) therefore i haven't been here either that's why i'm so late in responding to you di.

i feel really bad about it because these days... i've been really.... well focused on myself, and though it was an overlook that i didn't see your message until now! 3 days later! i still can't help but feel so.... guilty and selfish. except i knew i was selfish before it's just now that i'm guilty about it.

i'm glad you wrote because it's nice to know that you still remembered me, or maybe this is your only private outlet?, either way, i feel.... honored. gee, i feel ultra weird for saying that. see.... it's always been me saying "di, log on to read below," so when you wrote "log on to read below, di" i thought.... that maybe i had wrote it and just forgot. and then of course, i figured out that it was you, duh. i know it's a little late in saying this, and you're probably over it already because that's how those things are anyway. you get really upset about them then... you forget until the next explosion. because you know, these things are inevitable, they always happen, the explosions will keep coming one after another, and... you forget because you love them and they love you, and i know this sounds TOTALLY cheesy but.... it's the truth.

i've had more than my share of bad explosions with moms, or rather just my one mom, and i know that they really get on your nerves and you just want to curse and curse and curse (healthy in this case) and sometimes i wanna curse in their face too, and say all they things i WANT to say, but of course i can never say it because.... well then that would just disrupt the order of things. and i've thought of times when i want to just go over there and strangle her but... that's erally really bad so i restrain myself. willpower!

maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't, i don't really know what to say in response. because everyone has bad days, and everyone (more than everyone) hasbad days because of parents. so maybe this sounds mean, or maybe it'l upset you and want you to break all bonds with me..... maybe it's not such a big deal? i mean, maybe it's not so bad that your mom was being a bitch because everyone's moms can be bitches sometimes (a lot of the times) so... dont' sweat it. dont' overthink it and don't dwell on it. dwelling and thinking... BAD

ciao babe

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di

ni

i'm so inconsistent! i keep switching the melodies every time there's a new verse which i'm working on on a new day... sheesh. i'm thinking of just finishig it all in one sitting then fix it later so i wont' have to switch the melodies every time.

i'm not making any sense...

but... it's the work of a Jay Cover Band member!

ni

i am ashamed to announce that i have just finished harry potter

actually i'm not really that ashamed. no, not at all.

i actually enjoyed this one, even though i know i've ridiculed the past four, and i'm not about to the insults back, but... this one was good. well... not superb, i mean nothing beats of Human Bondage, but well... maugham is very dead so it's not like he's gonna write another book...

harry was a lot angrier this book, i liked that. i mean, it wasn't just oh harry does this, harry does that, harry wins.. yay! but i don't know... i feel ridiculous praising since everyone's already done the praising.

i can't wait to see the movie, the fifth one because it's good, and i can't wait to see the action because as i was reading it i was trying to see them doing all that stuff in my head like a movie, and... it was  okay.. i mean not great because it's action and i'm not really into action especially not with like wands and magic and stuff but.... at least it wasn't cheesy.

i have to say though that cho was really annoying and so was luna and so was hermione... i dont' think i like any of the female characters, except for mcgona-something or other. she was very cool. and sirius was very cool, and it was a very sucky way that he died. i mean if he's gotta go, he should go with some style! anyway, i really loved the memories of james (!) and lily and sirius and snape. it was so funny even though harry thought it was disturbing and i got annoyed at him. so what his father was a bully? he didn't have to get so upset! whiny kid.

he's fifteen.... he's a dork and he still kissed someone.

life's not fair.

ni

i had to take a break from reading. it was getting me so upset and bitter and... oh all the horrible things.

because i feel exactly like the protagonist. filled with bitterness and disappointment and longing and defeated. i can't do it. reading it makes me so sad and frustrated. i can't sleep or do anythign for that matter. i can't even think straight. i feel stifled. the anger in me just.... killing everything.

and i feel so hot. i wish my dad would turn on the AC but he thinks it's cold. so i have to sit here to endure the hotness just because.

he's so cold to me. offering me bits and pieces of advice. i know how it is. saying condolences because of duty. he's indifferent to me now. arely notices me.

and he used to be so.... eager too.

all's lost.

pained.