symphonyrock's Xanga

Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Wed, 09 Jul 2003 22:12:11 GMT

gosh, i haven't written in here in SUCH a long time, (although maybe it's not that long) therefore i haven't been here either that's why i'm so late in responding to you di.

i feel really bad about it because these days... i've been really.... well focused on myself, and though it was an overlook that i didn't see your message until now! 3 days later! i still can't help but feel so.... guilty and selfish. except i knew i was selfish before it's just now that i'm guilty about it.

i'm glad you wrote because it's nice to know that you still remembered me, or maybe this is your only private outlet?, either way, i feel.... honored. gee, i feel ultra weird for saying that. see.... it's always been me saying "di, log on to read below," so when you wrote "log on to read below, di" i thought.... that maybe i had wrote it and just forgot. and then of course, i figured out that it was you, duh. i know it's a little late in saying this, and you're probably over it already because that's how those things are anyway. you get really upset about them then... you forget until the next explosion. because you know, these things are inevitable, they always happen, the explosions will keep coming one after another, and... you forget because you love them and they love you, and i know this sounds TOTALLY cheesy but.... it's the truth.

i've had more than my share of bad explosions with moms, or rather just my one mom, and i know that they really get on your nerves and you just want to curse and curse and curse (healthy in this case) and sometimes i wanna curse in their face too, and say all they things i WANT to say, but of course i can never say it because.... well then that would just disrupt the order of things. and i've thought of times when i want to just go over there and strangle her but... that's erally really bad so i restrain myself. willpower!

maybe you've noticed, maybe you haven't, i don't really know what to say in response. because everyone has bad days, and everyone (more than everyone) hasbad days because of parents. so maybe this sounds mean, or maybe it'l upset you and want you to break all bonds with me..... maybe it's not such a big deal? i mean, maybe it's not so bad that your mom was being a bitch because everyone's moms can be bitches sometimes (a lot of the times) so... dont' sweat it. dont' overthink it and don't dwell on it. dwelling and thinking... BAD

ciao babe

Sunday, July 06, 2003

Sun, 06 Jul 2003 18:49:20 GMT

please log in to read entry below

Saturday, July 05, 2003

Sat, 05 Jul 2003 19:07:55 GMT

i'm so inconsistent! i keep switching the melodies every time there's a new verse which i'm working on on a new day... sheesh. i'm thinking of just finishig it all in one sitting then fix it later so i wont' have to switch the melodies every time.

i'm not making any sense...

but... it's the work of a Jay Cover Band member!

Tuesday, July 01, 2003

Tue, 01 Jul 2003 17:21:50 GMT

i am ashamed to announce that i have just finished harry potter

actually i'm not really that ashamed. no, not at all.

i actually enjoyed this one, even though i know i've ridiculed the past four, and i'm not about to the insults back, but... this one was good. well... not superb, i mean nothing beats of Human Bondage, but well... maugham is very dead so it's not like he's gonna write another book...

harry was a lot angrier this book, i liked that. i mean, it wasn't just oh harry does this, harry does that, harry wins.. yay! but i don't know... i feel ridiculous praising since everyone's already done the praising.

i can't wait to see the movie, the fifth one because it's good, and i can't wait to see the action because as i was reading it i was trying to see them doing all that stuff in my head like a movie, and... it was okay.. i mean not great because it's action and i'm not really into action especially not with like wands and magic and stuff but.... at least it wasn't cheesy.

i have to say though that cho was really annoying and so was luna and so was hermione... i dont' think i like any of the female characters, except for mcgona-something or other. she was very cool. and sirius was very cool, and it was a very sucky way that he died. i mean if he's gotta go, he should go with some style! anyway, i really loved the memories of james (!) and lily and sirius and snape. it was so funny even though harry thought it was disturbing and i got annoyed at him. so what his father was a bully? he didn't have to get so upset! whiny kid.

he's fifteen.... he's a dork and he still kissed someone.

life's not fair.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Sun, 29 Jun 2003 04:12:56 GMT

i had to take a break from reading. it was getting me so upset and bitter and... oh all the horrible things.

because i feel exactly like the protagonist. filled with bitterness and disappointment and longing and defeated. i can't do it. reading it makes me so sad and frustrated. i can't sleep or do anythign for that matter. i can't even think straight. i feel stifled. the anger in me just.... killing everything.

and i feel so hot. i wish my dad would turn on the AC but he thinks it's cold. so i have to sit here to endure the hotness just because.

he's so cold to me. offering me bits and pieces of advice. i know how it is. saying condolences because of duty. he's indifferent to me now. arely notices me.

and he used to be so.... eager too.

all's lost.

pained.

Friday, June 27, 2003

Fri, 27 Jun 2003 22:22:09 GMT

am upset. i mean. really really upset. 1) i couldn't finish watchign life is beautiful, it was a war movie... and it was getting sad, so..... just couldn't watch it. same thing happened to grave of the fireflies too, couldn't watch that either, i was two minutes into the film, bombs were dropping and i was like.... no so i turned it off. same war too.

2) so watched this really dumb chinese drama thing and... it was so unrealistic and stupid, and.... just gah! it's about this american chinese guy who goes back to visit his grandma.... blah blah eventually this girl falls in love with him, he goes back to new york, ten goes back to shanghai because his grandma died, the girl tells him that she loves him and after a very long time he tells her that he loves her too. aah hell, do you know what's wrong with this picture? a. it's unrealistic, it's stupid. this will NEVER happen in real life. you fall in love with some stupid guy, too bad. he doesn't like you. you live. b. he's probably going to be a polygamist with a wife in new york and another one in shanghai.

it was sooooooo stupid! argh!

i'm not bitter. i'm just..... frustrated.

he's gone. i wonder if i should write to him. would be nice if i could write to me. and well i COULD but... SHOULD i? i know it's so stupid of him. he does n't like me, move on already. i mean, you would think i'm used to this. but.... i just can't help it. just can't.

he did say we shoudl be "friends."

makes me laugh.

Thursday, June 26, 2003

Thu, 26 Jun 2003 22:08:56 GMT

i swear my room is a freaking health hazard! every time i walk in i get hurt, every time i walk out, i get hurt... my legs are FULL of bruises, and they hurt!ah hell.

i saw some like it hot, and man... if i looked HALF as pretty as marilyn monroe... i wouldn't have any problem hooking a guy... not that i make it my business hooking guys it's just.... you know. yeah.

but she wasn't that great an actress, but no fair! she has a pretty face, nice body.. heck she even has a sweet voice. fucking hell... where did i go wrong, eh?

anyway, i'm set for a tearful day tomorrow, i've got the movies lined up, the tissues ready... the whole nine yards.

you know, i laugh and laugh and laugh, i mean i can't EVER stop laughing when it comes to talking to someone in real life, i mean geez, he doesn't even have to be funny and i'll be giggling like no tomorrow, a real idiot like that, but when it's on tv.... i mean it's real funny and all, but i just can't seem to laugh. i mean i can be thinking "oh, that was very clever, very funny," but i wouldnt' be laughing. it's so.... weird! it's the whole effect you know....

i'm just an idiot. i know. but i can't help thinking abou that tall dark and handsome guy who is waiting for me right now i bet....

anyone know any good plastic surgeons?

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Wed, 25 Jun 2003 23:28:43 GMT

hehe i liked rain man! i only saw part of it though.

http://www.livejournal.com/~mytigerhobbes

(di)

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

Wed, 25 Jun 2003 22:07:42 GMT

a personal triumph: i didnt cry yesterday and i watched THREE movies, so yah!

today: okay so i cried, but... you know it's Rain Man, so i'm allowed to. it was a really good movie. really liked Tom Cruise, though watned to bash his head in the beginning, but... we made a connection by the end... lol

i feel like i should be doing some work. i feel guilty watching videos all day. but then again... it's teh summer, i've done work over the school year i deserve a little down time.... although i haven't done all that much work over the school year either... but there's NOTHING to work on anyway. aah fucking hell. my head hurts. and i wanna get cancer by eating mcdonalds. i wish i lived closer to a wendy's, i want a salad.

i still miss him.

Tuesday, June 24, 2003

Tue, 24 Jun 2003 01:08:27 GMT

lalalalala i want to watch FUNNy videos, i'm sick of crying over stupid fictional characters.

i'm so busy crying over them i haven't had time to cry properly over myself. oh well, i'll wait.

but anyway, enough of self-pitying. i'm going to find myself someone handsome over the summer. someone older, i was thinking someone who's going to college or a senior at some high school or something. tall dark and handsome. mmmmm sounds yummy.

am going to have myself some FUN BABY!