It's amazing how much things have changed -- and how little. Eventually, I did do something with that electricity. It sparked and flowed and did all the spectacularly sizzling things that electricity does. And then, you know, it kind of exploded a bit. Electricity likes to do that sometimes.

I regret that things ended so awkwardly. It's been four months since we last spoke, if you can call a single strained exchange of e-mail messages "speaking". Our paths have always been horribly tangled up in obstacles outside ourselves. I suppose it was inevitable, to a degree, that we'd have to part ways in order to save ourselves from being strangled to death.

Still, I've recently been finding my thumb hovering over the call button on my phone, with her name highlighted in the contact list. If she wants nothing to do with me for the rest of her life then I'll respect that, but I'd at least like a straight answer, for once. By now, most of my anger has dissipated and passed through frustration into a certain stage of uncertain melancholy.

Maybe I overreacted to a relatively minor situation, maybe I shouldn't have taken such offense. Maybe I should have been a little more patient and understanding of her nature and inexperience. But I couldn't help but feel shat on and run over. I'd like to think that anyone would, at least to some degree.

And maybe I'm stupid for wanting part of that back. For wanting her back.

But I wonder if she ever thinks of me. If she lies awake at night, staring at the ceiling, remembering my breath on her skin. If she passes by the dark corners we'd steal away to, and remember how we drank of each other's existence until we were intoxicated beyond all logic or reason. I wonder if she's found someone to fill the gap I'd like to think I left in her heart.

Because as reluctant I am to admit it, there's still a gap in mine.