Hey Girls,

CW: 100lbs? i think, im going to weight myself tomorrow morning
well well well i havent been on xanga for so long and i feel so bad, im going to comment right after this on u girls...so sorry i havent been attentive, the holidays are crazy buzy and blah, times just flys. well im juss recovering from crying my eyes out, i had a huge talk/fight with my parents about my mia. there concerned, wat else. i dont know wat to do ne more . i have really really avoided thorwing up @ home so i get out of the house and do it where ever i get the chance, it sucks but i hate that my mom goes in my bathroom 2 "check" shes insane. my dad and mom and me juss had a 2 hour discussion which i dont think led to nething, well my storming to my room and making myself promise not 2 eat.  they are diagnosing me with shit, there making me make an appt with my dr and therapist bc i havent gone for 3 weeks,and i have to start anti-deps. i really dont want to, but i know i have been angry/moody lately or like forever, but they are supposeldy going to help me and help me get over my obsession with food. i would love to stop obsessing about food alone, i crave the willpower that ana girls have. it is like my dream. i can juss not eat for a long time, then when im starving, shove mountains and mountains of food in my mouth, and of course throw it up after. i hate this mia stufff, i wish i was just back to normal. lately i keep thinking back and i was like omg how did i eat a wholesubway sandwich and not barf it up, or how did i just eat chocolate and not feel guilty. its so werid bc watching family friends eat with me, knowing that i will purge soon after, its so hard to understand how they dont, like i feel if i were 2 actaully keep this food down i would gain 40 lbs. its so scary, i hate how food is the devil....i have so much to say , but i dont know wat to write....well i went boxing day shopping @ 8am this morning, and bought tons of sweaters and blazers and jacekts, one cute adidas zip-up chic cute one that says 'respect me' on the back, it reminds me of gwen stefani lol, werid...my mom liked most of the sweaters bc i love bagggy sweaters, and shes like good it will cover up ur bones, then my dad started yelling and saying that its going to be more obvious that she has a problem bc thats wats "anorexic girls" do, wear baggy clothes. im like looking at both of them bcthere insane, i just like the fkin sweaters. my parents are like so concerned about wat there friends and others are going to think bout me. supposedly people are starting to talk, i hate this frigggggin society that i have to live up to, my parents and there rich friends and alll this bs parties here and there, its ridiculous....well on a better note its me and my bf 5yrs anniversary 2morrow and were going to some couples spa thing and then dinner with my family and his family...not really looking forward to that part, were going to my favourite restaurant bc they have this amazin vegetarian plate, but forsure there are tons of cals in the oils and i duno how im goig to purge it, i probably could...hmmm, orill get a salad annd ask for the dressing on the side and pretend to eat the dressing. mehso many decisions...not really....ok well im going to go comment now, plz leave comments, i feel like u girls are the only ones that understand, actaully i know that u girls are the only ones that understand....i love u alll

happy holidays...

i decided to put some xmas presents up b4 i go...love lookin at u girls presents and i love lookin @ mine 2 lol...i collect coach purses so i got 3 new ones...here they are,

i want this one, i didnt get this one

my bf parents also got me the pink motorola razor...i have the black one, but i really wanted the pink one!
oh && my new laptop and juicy case, but i got my laptop b4  i wanted it so badly!! its so small and girlie i love it
i love sony's, lots of pples dont, but i think there great!

got some other stuff, but 2 lazy to put pics up....luv ya!

Hey Girls...

CW: 99.5-100lbs
well i was so pleased with myself last nite bc i didnt eat late, i ate an apple for breakfast went to school and my therapist came home b/p (bad) but i purged @ 6 then went out. so i came home and didnt feel gross and i woke up and was that wt. i usually b/p late at nite so when i wake up i still feel gross. i hope i can continue stopping eatting @ 6 like i used to. or ever 7-8. just nothing past 9 bc it makes me feel so bad in the morning. well my therapist wants me to gain wt of course, wats new, but i was telling her like i dont feel like im skinny, even though i get comments left rite and center, which i am starting to dislike. the other day my guy friend was like oh btw dont forget to eat dinner. and i was like umm ya ok . and my bfs friend told me that i dont look good ne more, my bones are stick out and my boobs are small. he is like u looked better when u had big boobs and something to grab, it made me so grossed out, something to grrab ewww. i never want nething to grab any more. but i have found that not one guy likes my body like this. do u girls have this problem? girls like it, guys hate it, there like girls should have some meat on them. it makes me sick. oh and i have another question...how do u girls deal with ur bf or guys asking u to dinner. bc like me and my bf have been so bz and tonite he is like lets go to my favourite thai restaurant for dinner, and i LOVE thai food and  i havent had it for so long but i cant. bc i will need to throw it up, so i told him  no and he was so angry and mad that we never go out to eat ne more. (we used to eat together allll the time) wat do i do?? hes friends are starting to talk bout how i lost too much wt and stuff. i duno, its hard i guess. i like being 100 lbs i think i want to stay there, but there is always something in the back of my head that wants me to be 97 that is such a good wt, but i dont think i can do that, maybe in the summer i could? ne ways, another question...u know how all the magazines say that nicole richie is 97lbs...thats sucha bullshit! she is like probably 85lbs or sumthing, do u girls agree? i am 100lbs and i still have boobs and look so much fatter, (refer to my previous posts, i have body pics) but seriously they are lying, so werid.

Thanks so much for ur comments girls...i luv u all!
Here is a stupid pic of me...well u saw my body and now is my hair he he

Luv ya!