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| Her Psyche A particular girl has been labeled the serious old-soul type. She agrees that it’s not the best thing at her age, but can’t help it. Maybe she’s inhaled the lingering scent of an aged person and that has manipulated her psyche into thinking that she’s really as ancient as she feels although she knows hasn’t seen much of life. She’s not rebellious or highly depressed. She just lacks the cheery vigor that others have. She’s not deliberately restricting herself when she should be frolicking about (no sarcasm intended) in pretty skirts and dresses. She understands and appreciates it when people say she should lighten up and needs a more chic wardrobe in order to savor her youth before it’s too late. People tell her that she should have an appealing lifestyle by being more beauty conscious, bouncy and making more friends. As well meant as their concern is about the lack of spring in her existence, she’d also like them to realize that it’s important for her to feel comfortable in her own skin. Being chirpy and trendy only makes her feel superficial and gawky. She doesn’t resent or mock the advice of others. She actually thinks it’s delightful when other girls spread the cheerful spirit with their style and refreshing youthfulness, and have many acquaintances. She really does. But she’s at ease by herself. She’s not always sad; she’s just peaceful when she’s left alone. She likes to be her own person without pressure from others around her despite their good intentions. Socially, although people think she’s mature, they perceive her to be a self-absorbed, lazy reclusive who thinks she’s superiorly different and contaminates their festive air with her gloom. They're annoyed at her passiveness which is misunderstood as her way of expressing misery or anger .They think she’s a snob in a subtle way. Now that’s not a good look especially when all she silently wants is for them to lead their lives which she sincerely thinks are charming, without coaxing her to get involved…she’d love to live her moments in peaceful content even if it seems dull or selfish to them … | | |
| Anxiety:( God, I can't wait for the semester to end! When everyone was excited for spring break, I was the only nervous person, because I knew that everything would be crammed in right after classes start. But I did have a nice break because I finally went back to volunteering at the hospital after 7 months and was so warmly welcomed back with big hugs and a lot of attention Apparently I look and act more mature than before...everybody kept commenting on that the entire time. So I guess that's a good thing even if I'm a boring person. We did have quite a crazy week with confused and screaming patients, but it felt great to be back!! On the other hand, school's really stressing me out and I'm sure that's the case for almost all students...barely get any sleep...tons of stuff to do and I honestly hate it. Teaching and volunteering make life a bit more fun, thank God! And of couse, not to forget my wonderful friends Damian and Shawnta who are also stressed out like me, but tease me all the time about other stuff that I forget my worries for a while! Can't wait until we get to go out to lunch after exams (hopefully) to just celebrate and talk about stuff unrelated to school! But I'm dreading summer because Shawnta's most probably moving to Florida in June and I'll miss her terriblyyyyyyyy...she's such an amazing and charming person who's been there for me all this while. It's not her fault, but I'm kind of upset at her for actually talking to me and bonding with me...and now she's about to say goodbye But I know we'll keep in touch somehow and all the little laughs, goofiness and arguments we've shared will be cherished. Anyway, I don't even know the point of this blog because it's nothing deep or interesting. I guess I'm just taking a tiny break from my academic anxieties. Well, back to work | | |
| For Better Or Worse? I'm aware of what's tangible and what's mere fantasy. I accept what was, is, will be and will never be. Certain experiences have made me a better person while others haven't... For Better: I've realized that some things are best left unsaid. Why yell when you know the other person's not listening? They're busy fabricating accusations to throw back. You hurl insults knowing it won't alleviate the situation. You regret it after destroying the other person and yourself. Of course all arguments/fights are not destructive, they can be constructive too. It's when you indulge in brawls without thinking about the consequences that makes you a bad judge. Don't make assumptions before you learn more about what happened. Wait for explanations before lashing out at your loved ones or others. Sometimes you've got to ignore the little provocations. How many times have we thought, "God, I shouldn't have said/done that...what was I thinking?" Well next time, please think about that before you say anything. I've also learned to be more patient. And despite accusations, I've become more open to certain things that people close to me don't like. I can't blame them for what they were taught. It's not easy to change your perceptions as time goes on. We're all imperfect. So don't sweat the small stuff ; patience is the key... Tutoring has become a huge part of me. It's fun and gives me a purpose. It's the satisfaction of knowing that students are comfortable coming to you. It's irksome when people blow you off in dire times. One has to realize that not all are on the same level. What if you were entirely helpless and the person you approached snubbed you for your "lack" of whatever? So my sessions are based on respect and patience. Some arrogant students get mad at others who need an explanation in the simplest terms. Then I'd have to politely, yet firmly point out that it's very essential for everybody to understand what's going on, we're at the right pace and not delaying anyone. If they have a problem with that, they should confront me privately, not embarrass others who feel "stupid". These A students range from the age of 20-30. I wish they were mature and patient instead of complaining like spoiled geniuses. The point is, instead of thinking you're great or looking down on others, treat people equally with warmth and respect...empathize and ALWAYS put yourself in other's shoes... For Worse: I'm no longer chatty. When I have to go out to Indian parties all dressed up, I feel like I'm being dragged. Women gossip while openly scrutinizing/criticizing my appearance. It's not my idea of fun. I'm not mean or sarcastic. I don't hate entertainment. It's when there are too many known people, or strangers. I'm pretty friendly. Cordial might be the appropriate word. When I'm forced to socialize in gatherings, I'm stiff and hide behind the laughter of kids. I didn't realize it until I was told. When I sit behind in a car, I look out the window lost in thought. I don't volunteer in animated conversations. It irritates my brother-in-law, when I relax silently without the pressure of having to talk. He says I've turned into an "American" who needs privacy. I thought he had painted a picture of me as a rebellious, non-conformist girl. But I was wrong. Apparently, I'm a LONER to my family. But you know what? Although I know that's not something to be proud of, I'm okay with it. Right now, I like things as they are when I don't have to be a social butterfly...being a loner is actually nice and comfy... Well, that was a lot of rambling. If nothing else, I've sorted out my good and bad characteristics. | | |
| Personal Highlights of 2007 (picture below)
Another year has sped by…typical cliché, I know. Looking back, I’d like to focus on the lovely things I’ve discovered from the people I’ve met and grown to learn about. Not that I’m ignoring all the negative phases, but it’s best to remember that they’ve all passed even if they seemed never-ending. So I’ll just reflect on the brighter aspects of 2007. Events: Ø I spent New Year’s day in India…that was the most amazing time I can remember in years…playing with all my mischievous little cousins, telling them stories…being a child myself…never felt so youthful in 5 years... Ø My sister Natasha found Mahesh, the love of her life, and got engaged…the beginning of her happiness Ø I realized that I really loved my job as a teaching assistant…it feels wonderful to ease the worries of students. Ø My sister got married to her man…couldn’t have given her a surprise without two important people, Amsha and Justin…they were so kind to take time and prepare a dance performance for the reception! More about the special people I’ve come to value:v McDamian Anoruo – He was one of the students in the class I tutored…actually, he was my favorite student...very hardworking, yet gentle unlike others. It was after the entire semester that we started studying together at the library and I got to know him better. He is light-hearted and kind...always relaxed and calms me with words of encouragement when I get anxious at school. And he manages to make me laugh by saying silly things at the right time. He has a fine sense of humor and a quiet strength that I respect…I always enjoy his company . I’m glad to have found a wonderful friend in him this year… v Shawnta Cazeau – I met her in Sociology this semester. She’s so lively and funny, yet so philosophical in her outlook. She always says or does something nice to give me a boost and I must say, she's pretty good at it. I love the way she expresses herself through her writing and at times arguments, lol. She's pretty competitive and excels in everything. She is adorable and can easily delight you with her charming air. I’ve come to admire her assertiveness, caring nature, intelligence and talents…she’s a gorgeous young girl! v Amsha Alexander - She always has a cute smile fixed on her face, or more like a grin like she's about to laugh...her excitement is contagious. She's so funny, she cracks me up...she has endless stories combined with hilarious actions, especially when she squeaks out of nowhere. She went out of her way and was so kind to me by offering her valuable time to give my sister a surprise for her wedding. She was the STAR of the show...an awesome dancer by the way. I owe her BIGTIME! v Justin Philip – He and Amsha are almost like siblings…he’s like a little brother to me too… always finds ways to scare me from behind and imitates me in front of people...loves to embarrass us “oldies” like he calls us, that goofball He's hilarious, childish, hard-working, protective, generous and a good dancer. Everyone loved his dance at my sister’s wedding while he basked in all the glory, lol. v Mahesh Ganapathy – Well, this is my famous brother-in-law. His inquisitiveness is a torture because he’s always trying to pry stuff out of me, perhaps mysterious secrets if I even have any. He loves eavesdropping while he multi-tasks. He enjoys teasing me mercilessly, which is annoying most of the time, lol. He’s the man in my sister’s life, her loving pillar and spoils her as well…quite thoughtful and gives us little surprises and scares…he likes to “spice it up” like he says. He’s family now 
Now to those who’ve had a rough year…loss of loved ones, heartbreaks, love, illnesses, financial difficulties, unfortunate accidents, stress at school, etc., this is not to remind you about what’s happened, but to remind you that your tough times are behind now, and you’ve survived it…you’re all stronger now in some way or another…hold on to your faith in yourself or another power…whatever it is that keeps you going and helps you rise after each fall…hope 2008 gives you the strength to deal with whatever life has to throw at you and brings pleasant surprises too…Happy New Year… | | |
| God, I can't wait!!! This semester's been soooooo hectic that my head is reeling from everything...sometimes I feel like my brain's getting fried or the blood vessels in my eyes are popping out...can't wait for Christmas!!! I just wanted to take a break and filled out a survey...no more time to update...can't wait for school to close!!! If you could be successful at any job in the world, what would that job be?
-i'd be a pediatrician
Who was your hero as a child?
-my granddad...an honest person of great morals and dignity…
What is your favorite song of all time?
-i will always love you - whitney houston
If you had only six months to live, what would you do first?
-write "thank you" letters to people who mean to me, telling them everything i admire about them…
What do you do for fun?
-listen to music, read novels, play with kids...but don't have time for the latter two:(
What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you?
-calm, absent-minded, optimistic
Who do you admire most?
-my granny...she's the epitome of selflessness, patience, and honesty …
Where do you see yourself in five years?
-hopefully in med school
What are you most proud of in your life?
-having a family that trusts me with everything...
Do you own any pets, and if so what do you have?
-i had an adorable dog...black all over with little white paws…
Most embarrassing moment?
-when i fell at the pool in gym class, junior year in high school...everyone laughed and no one even asked if i was okay What do you do on fridays?
-tutor chem and study at the library in school, relax with music at home and study again:(
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
-deaf...i can still see the world and communicate through sign language
Define yourself in 3 words...
-absent-minded, patient, introvert
Your favorite Disney Films?
-The Lion King, Brother Bear, Mulan
Are you a cat or a dog person?
-dog person
Where do you want to travel next?
-india!!! :(
What is your favorite food?
-anything that my MOM cooks!!
What is your favorite place?
-home | | |
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