tatiotty's Xanga

Friday, June 13, 2008

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 16:44:23 GMT

I deserve to be swept of my feet.

And yet I am still here.

Wed, 07 May 2008 16:22:54 GMT

I am sitting in my own dismay. I am trying to decipher what I should hold out for and what I should accept as enough. Words are funny little demons that make you believe and forget things that matter. Your words dance around me in the dark of the nightlight as I am stunned by things I have never heard, and for a moment one night I believed. However, I have felt the sting of insignificance...and I feel it all too much with you. -As I watch the tattered pictures of that before me still waving in the wind for all to see. I have given up on the feelings I had...I have been drifting along for quite some time now... and what keeps me here? -Not the fear of abandonement. I have been alone. I am alone. -Not the fear of losing something tremendous... I haven't had tremendous. -Not the fear of a gaping wound. I am wounded daily. What is it? Where am I that I cannot pursue the unraveling that is necessary? Is it because for some reason you seem to believe all is well? Is it that I see hope in your face and want to believe it as my own hope? You haven't looked at me, for if you had you would have noticed I am not here. I am gone...and you haven't even tried to get me back.

Monday, December 03, 2007

Mon, 03 Dec 2007 23:06:37 GMT

In the deep blues and blacks of this evening I find myself wondering -what bends the trees in the wind? -What drives the waters in the rivers? I know there is a scientific reasoning but I don't believe in any of that Who Ha...I believe in the dreams of a child's imagination. I believe in the smells of life abounding around me. I believe in the fences that proclaim human thought as poppycock! Give my your logics and I will show you where you died along the way. Show me your numerics and I will show you where you lost your joy.

But alas, my thoughts this evening are a unkind and lying dream in and of themselves...for this is the life that I have with the logics and rhythms that have explained away every little possibility of imagination and ability to splash my paint on this world and call it what I want.

So I see myself lack luster....ce la vie this is me.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Thu, 20 Sep 2007 14:52:54 GMT

Love is passion, obsession, someone you can't live without. If you don't start with that, what are you going to end up with? Fall head over heels. I say find someone you can love like crazy and who'll love you the same way back. And how do you find him? Forget your head and listen to your heart. I'm not hearing any heart. Run the risk, if you get hurt, you'll come back. Because, the truth is there is no sense living your life without this. To make the journey and not fall deeply in love - well, you haven't lived a life at all. You have to try. Because if you haven't tried, you haven't lived.

-A qoute that I like to read from time to time...

Somewhere beyond the You

Thu, 13 Sep 2007 17:26:58 GMT

It has come to pass in my life that what I offer hasn’t been seen as precious until it is no longer deemed wholly yours. I am speaking on a much larger plane than just your self specifically, of course. However, just the same I am in the same boat –so to speak- as I have ever been. I feel it. I hear it in the way you look at me. I am that person. I am brilliance shaded. My brilliance does not show at you like a beckoning quandary. My brilliance slowly shows a tea light glow. It shimmers and it shines off the capsule of your soul. You don’t see it easily, and it is nothing to show others. However, you have come into my life time and time again. I have fought with you to prove to you that I am a light to be beheld. I am a light that illuminates your face. You leave when you see the thing that you are searching for –even if it not within your reach. And yet, I beguile you with my essence. You never leave me. You have become accustomed to my warmth. And the truth is my warmth for you will never fade. However you are still here. -All of you –you still call on me to give to you. My insolate neighbor, you have lost me forever. I will show my brilliance to another… and you will still call.

Let me exert my force

Fri, 07 Sep 2007 00:53:31 GMT

So that you might understand my meaning when I say –a little flirtatious hatred has been thrown at you, my friend. Yes, you are paying a penance that has been assigned to another. Still, I stand between you and the land of milk and honey. Who am I? – You ask. Who am I to be so familiar with you? Who am I to take away that which would have been freely given to you? You will be told later. For now, I forewarn you that the sweet species that beguiles you is in need of something you are lacking. This is a thinly veiled threat. Nothing that has been given you, can’t be taken wholly away. Teetering between lives, like you do… I warn you that the prize you are pursuing will sleep amidst your presence never to be beheld by your eyes. –Not in it’s true excellence. My friend, you have and have not been the catalyst for your own demise, so to speak. I reprimand you from a higher place, an untouched place. I speak at you…willing you -but not beseeching you to listen. For our phantom, is still wanting you – poor, silly, precious, mindless treat it is...

It was the afternoon

Mon, 03 Sep 2007 18:21:32 GMT

The contemptuous look she gave him needed no explanation. He backed away and started the question again this time reiterating that he had no choice. Indignance.

He walked away defeated and determined. She stood looking after him. Her world that she had so carefully concocted and manicured was going to slip away from her. She knew that she would lose. She knew. All she had was her watery attempt to appeal to his duty to her. She wanted him to choose her. She knew he wouldn’t. She had known from the very beginning. He was determined to his promises to himself. She had admired him for it. She had loved him for it. She knew that his promise had not contained her. She knew it and she had after all this time, forgotten about it. When he came to her in the yellow light of the Sunday afternoon and had told her. It all came back to her. She had no words for him. She wanted him to have everything that he wanted. She would never discourage him. She would never attempt to clip his wings about his potential and his dreams. She had just stood there with her mouth closed tightly, and an elephant standing on her chest. This is when it happens. This is the beginning of an ending and the beginning of a new shade of who she would soon become. However, she had wanted him. She had wanted him to want her. Today as he stood in front of her and told her of his plans to move, it all came back to her -how she had known in the very beginning that he hadn’t included her in his plans. She knew it then. She had contemplated, and weighed the consequences and had chosen the reckless path to stay on and be blind to the inevitable. She had known this day would come, and she had chosen not to believe it.

He moved about the living room, agitated at her silence. This woman. This woman that had powers over him, had done it to him. This woman could make him question God Himself. She had been ironing there, like she had so many times in the past. He had watched her before she had noticed him. She looked at him with her smirk that said “You moron, learn how to iron already.” She was delectable. She was bemusing. She could make him laugh and forget that the sun was the center of the galaxy. She was his center. But how could she just look at him –with no words. She knew it frustrated him to offer no words. He sat down heavily on the couch. He could hear her back at work with the spray bottle and iron. He had been so happy to have gotten the news. He wanted this. He would be in Spain. He would have the whole world in front of him. This is what he wanted. This is what the plan had been. This was his life. He would follow it where ever it took him. Mark Twain was right. You would stand at the end of your life regretting more so the things that you did not do over the things you did.

Life

Wed, 22 Aug 2007 16:33:58 GMT

"Isn't Life grand?" That phrase is often said with certain sarcasm and uncertain condesention most days. However, it has come to my attention that, Life is indeed, just that. Grand. Upon reading an articale about area chefs that were asked what the biggest influence in their lives was and in hearing their answers to that question, I sat amazed. Everyday people swirl about us experiencing different imperial instances in their own life. Things that open their eyes. Things that open their hearts. Things that open their minds. I sat back and thought for a moment about the different instances that had broadened my own life. The days that I realized -in the true sense of that word- someting new.

We have all had our "Coming of age" story, by this point in our lives. For me this is when I realized I lived. I live. I am here. For others I assume it meant other things. But the point I am currently trying to convey is this: Life. It is here -you are here. THIS IS IT. Breathe it in. Let it happen around and take a moment to be astounded. Because no matter what -there is always something around the next bend that is going to blow you away. Be open to change -it is exhirlarating. Life is the river, change is the rocks, and you are the everflowing stream surging forward.

Would you call this a little harsh???

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 22:58:38 GMT

This post has been deleted due to better judgement.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Wed, 14 Jun 2006 14:58:26 GMT

Sometimes things happen that so incredibly great they you know that they are going to stay with for a long while. -Like the look of his face. -The sound of his laugh. -The impervious way about him.

good things.