AMCAS APPLICATION SUBMITTED

Finally, after several months of agonizing over applying, I finally made the final step of submitting my application.  I can't quite describe how I feel now... all I know was that a few minutes ago, I was dead scared of submitting my application because of the finality of it.  All 4 years of hard work boils down to this one minute of accepting the submission terms and enter in my credit card information.  I finally summed up enough courage to click the submit button and now it is all over.  In a way, I am a bit relieved to finally be done with phase one of the application process, but I can't shake the feelings of anticipition and worries.  Who knows applying to med school is such a painful process!! 

I want to give special thanks to Patti and Linh, who've been through it all with me.  I know it wasn't a small or easy task reading through all 7 of my personal statement drafts!  I don't know what I could have done without you guys there to support me and to pick me up when I'm at the lowest points.  With love to you both!  Thank you for your friendship! 

FAVORITE SONG FOR THE MOMENT

I'm not afraid
Of anything in this world
There's nothing you can throw at me
That I haven't already heard
I'm just trying to find
A decent melody
A song that I can sing
In my own company

I never thought you were a fool
But darling look at you
You gotta stand up straight
Carry your own weight
These tears are going nowhere baby

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And now you can't get out of it
Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I will not forsake
The colors that you bring
The nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted
By the light you brought to me
I listen through your ears
Through your eyes I can see

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it's tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don't really need now
My, oh my

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it
Oh love, look at you now
You've got yourself stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

I was unconscious, half asleep
The water is warm 'til you discover how deep
I wasn't jumping, for me it was a fall
It's a long way down to nothing at all

You've got to get yourself together
You've got stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

Don't say that later will be better
Now you're stuck in a moment
And you can't get out of it

And if the night runs over
And if the day won't last
And if your way should falter
Along this stony pass

It's just a moment
This time will pass

This song is actually playing right now from Yan's room and it just brought back so many memories for me.  This was one of Patti's and my songs when we were at UCLA.  We had an entire ultimate CD's filled with songs that gave us the strength and courage to deal with our problems.  UCLA was truly both the worst of time and the best of time.   

PARTYING IN DC

This may sound very strange considering how long we've been living together, but last night was the first time that Maria, Yan, and I went out drinking... it felt more complete to have all 3 of us there as opposed to the other time, when it was just me, Yan, and Nathan.  We went to a bar and a club last night at Dupont Circle and met up with some of Maria and Yan's guy friends.  For the most part of last night, I was very buzzed and so I was having tons of fun.  I discovered the secret to getting drunk on a budget last night!  From now on, I'm going to start off each night with a tequila shot and then move on to other drinks.  Strangely enough, I have a better tolerance for the taste of tequila than for most other alcoholic drinks.  The advantage is that tequila is quite strong and takes effect almost immediately; thus it is great for low-budget drinking.   Last night, I had my first cosmo and a shooter called come cosi (I don't know how to spell it).  Both tasted very good, but had little effect on me until my shot of tequila.  After that shot, I was high for the rest of the night and I think I did many unspeakable things... haha.  At one point, Yan and Maria's friend told me I was hot... imagine that!  (hm.. either that or he asked me if I was hot)  I didn't even know how to respond to a comment like that and so I just said "thank you" to him.  He seemed a bit disappointed... but oh well, it was probably the alcohol talking anyway.

The concept of hanging out at a bar or a club is still very strange to me.  It makes little sense that we would choose to go to a place so dimly lit that you can barely see the other person's face and so loud that your conversation is reduced to simple commands and/or very short sentences of a 3rd or 4th grader.  In addition, you pay 10 times more for alcohol and you are crammed onto this tiny of a dance floor where you are squished like sardines.  You may wonder why I keep coming back to places like this, right?  I don't know the answer myself!  For most of the time, I go for the experience, I go to meet guys, and I go to shed my sorrows.  The advantage of the darkness is that you can do more risque things without feeling embarrassed and the advantage of the loud music is that you can get closer to the other person without feeling like you are invading their personal space.  But still, I don't enjoy bars and clubs as much as I probably should.  The fun I get there is so fleeting and there's always the consequence to drinking.  The kind of fun I like is the more innocent... the trips to Disneyland and to the beach.  I like the wholesomeness of this kind of fun and the warm fuzzy feelings that accompany these trips.  Can you tell how much I miss California?  Drinking I can do perhaps once a month, but Disneyland and the beach, I can do every day!

NYQUIL

I can't believe how strong this stuff is!!  I was sick yesterday and so I decided to take some nyquil... not knowing how strong it is, I took 2 pills as recommended and within an hour of taking it, I started feeling really drowsy.  The weirdest part is that it feels like being drunk... I was dizzy and couldn't keep my balance well.  I basically collapsed in bed last night!  My body felt heavy, but oddly, my mind was completely awake.  I think it was one of the most bizarre feelings i've ever had!  You should try it sometimes!!

LAB FRUSTRATION

The lab environment is nothing new to me... after all, I have been doing research for almost 4 years now.  I know exactly how things run, how to work machines, how to pipet, and how to fix mistakes.  The problem now is that I'm no longer working with DNA, bacteria, or flies... I'm working with a completely brand new system... proteins and antibodies.  I know nothing about anything that goes on in lab and I continuously make mistakes, drop and/or spill things. 

If you're familiar with protein purification, you'd know that to purify anything from scratch (blood serum), you'd have to go through many stages of purification using different chromatography techniques.  The problem is that at each step, you generate a lot of liquid solution that would have to be concentrated down to a smaller quantity.  Since there are so much liquid and so many steps of purification, the chance to spill something increases 10 folds as compare to DNA work.  In addition, purifying protein takes about 2 days of work (not to mention weeks of work beforehand to obtain serum samples from animals) and if by accident, you spill half or all of the sample at the last step, all that would have been wasted work.  So you can understand now how badly I feel when I make mistakes?  Because I am new at lab, people are still babying me and they tell me that it's ok to make mistakes.  I am a little harder on myself though.  I'm used to feeling competent and I used to knowing exactly what I am doing, what's the next step of the project, and how to troubleshoot problems.  Being unable to do any of this drives me nuts.  *.. sigh* 

I guess I can only hope that I get better at lab and make sure that I concentrate better and pay more attention to the things that are happening around me.  After all, mistakes are life's lessons... maybe by making all these mistakes now, I would learn how to not make mistakes in the future and even if I do make mistakes, perhaps I will know how to fix them.