| | I just posted a backdated entry (cause that's when it was written and I wanted to distinguish it from this post), so if any of you are curious as to if you missed it, no you didn't.
I have done an incredible amount of thinking and reflecting lately, most of it not for my thesis (which is coming along well enough at this point, except my prof still hasn't given me feedback, so I'm flying blind and will likely have to go over his head next week if I intend to graduate. Yeah, not fun, but too late now.)
I've been reading through friends' blogs, chatting with different people, and taking a lot more walks to think and pray. I've started to realize just how much I live in the future - always looking to the next thing - instead enjoying what I have now. I have been incredibly nostalgic this week, already missing people when I haven't even moved yet because I'm thinking ahead. I can likely tell you why, but that is not for a public forum. It also doesn't determine what I'm going to do about it. Because the key is in realizing that life is a series of choices each of us make. For some of those choices, certain ones of us are wired to be partial to choose a specific way, and yet, it IS a choice. The past doesn't have to dictate the present, at least not completely. Just becasue I chose to respond one way before, and it was the wrong way, doesn't mean I'm destined to choose wrong again, because it is just that...a choice. I have been gifted with the ability to learn from my choices, both the mistakes and the right ones, and to fix where I screw up the next time. When I do something I know I shouldn't *coughprocrastinatecough* or don't do something I know I should, those establish patterns that are hard to break, but not impossible. Just because I gave in to my fear, or my pride, yesterday, (or earlier today) does not mean I have to let it win today (or now.) This is grace, that I have the ability to do differently than I have in the past. To do things the way I should. I am a slave to my past only so long as I choose to be. Each day is a new opportunity not to be wasted to get to the weekend, or the move, or the next big event, but to be lived, moment by moment, as much as possible. Each person I cross paths with is a unique individual, a child of God, who I can love and help empower and/or show God. Each moment passed in fear or doubt is lost, and as I grow older I realize how few the moments of life really are. My life has been given to me to spend, yet it is not mine to squander by looking so far ahead. Instead I need to focus, to genuinely care for others, and to take in as much as possible, especially in my limited time left in Dayton.
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| | Posted 5/15/2008 6:39 PM - 0 comments
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