so i am sitting here in the lobby of my college listening to two guys discuss the differences betwen wolves and dogs (with books and research- as i speak one of the guys is nodding his assent to a particularly relevant fact mmmhhhhmmmm in "Wolf Almanac") and the origin of carribean and hermit crabs- watching some other dude do the mario dance, and trying to concentrate on my OT assignment and it's not working.   oh....did i mention the boy who is barking in the cafeteria?? 

This whole situation is just one of many that i've experienced in these first three weeks of college, but of all i have gone thru, i've had a pretty fun time. However, to comemorate my experience, I have created a list, if you will, for all the college-ly un-savvy people aout there; specifically, the homeschool graduate.  be prepared.

10 PRECAUTIONARY STEPS FOR HIGHER LEARNING (for th' HOmsKool gradEEuate)

1.) Don't make eye contact- trust me it's just BETTER this way! Who knows if the person who just walked past you is a crazy jail assylum escapee bent on chasing you home or WORSE a creepy guy who won't leave you alone.

2.) NEVER smile- the saying that a cheerful face makes the day like lace...er..whatever....NO. don't give in. smiling gets you in trouble. frown and be down. besides...all the cool people do it.

3) if you like school- don't tell anyone. (hi homeschooler!)

4.) check xanga, facebook, myspace, the FBI, the CIA, police department and all other necessary law enforcement angencies to see if the person you're talking to is actually who you think they are. you might get a whale of a surprise. you never know.

5.) don't eat cafeteria food. blubbering, bouncing ham, soap flakes, and soggy carrots (No, they're not cooked ones!) DON'T make a healthful or nutritious meals.

6.) establish an emergency escape plan. no, i'm not talking fire or tornado...social skills people, social skills.

7.) keep it real. it is not cool to show up with yer che gevara shirt screaming about how God made the earth with a microwave and said, "wow, it's halfbaked." (i honestly heard someone say this.)

8.) protect your laptop- "OH WOW YOU HAVE INTERNET ACCESS!!!!! IF YOU JUST GO-LIKE THIS- YOU GET...ummmmm....such as...it's..... OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH FACEBOOK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

9.) Sleep is extinct- get over it freshman! besides..you can always sleep in class.... ha ha....ok no.

10.) If you have a highly sophisticated and developed  vocabulary...lose it. it's all "like..oh my gosh brittney....brandon like, broke his toe!"

***FOR GIRLS ONLY****
11.) learn and master the clench, punch, crunch. it's painful; it's intense; the dude is toast.

Well....have fun people. if you follow my college-ly un-savvy list, you'll have a hysterical time at college! make sure to have your camera handy! : )

i'm out

~LJ