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teddseven
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Name: Amelia
Country: Malaysia
Birthday: 10/30/1979
Gender: Female
Interests: Reading novels by Anne Rice, John Grisham and recently James Patterson.. All things dark and gothic..
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/7/2004
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| moving physically and blog as well..well have not been active here coz i have physically moved myself to
penang for my new job and also i have a new blog at http://teddseven.blogsome.com
see u guys there...
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| ::: new blog to ramble and rant:::
hey everyone i have found a new place to blog and rant my feelings out..
please visit at http://teddseven.modblog.com
i am out of here!! | | |
| relationships : why does love hurts ?
for those who has never been in love and never been in a love relationship, please get yourself ready.. coz love hurts.
why do i say that ? becoz it is the truth and i am a living example of that statement.
i remembered my first crush, it was when i was in Standard 4, totally
admired my partner perfect, Chin Keat... i even remembered his name...
was cute and tall for our age lah. he was atheletic and was best sport
athele in school.
then after that i was in Standard 6 with another perfect as well. i
wasnt a perfect anymore at that time. His name is Hock Hua.. i still
remembered that i used to ride my bike near his house coz it was rather
near to my house as well..
after that i was enrolled into an all girls school and i thought that
was the end of guys oggling days.. hahaha but fortunately my school st
mary's are often linked with CBN (Convent Bukit Nanas : we called
Convent Bohsia Negara), St Johns (all boy's school) Viictoria
Institute, BBGS (Bukit Bintang Girls School : we called them Big Bimbos
Girls School) there was one year that our school band decided to join
St John's for an event in their school so we had to go to their school
to practice .. wah imagine we bunch of girls in a boy's school... so
many guys... hahaha anyway long story short, i met a guy there and his
name is nazrin (my first and last malay guy crush) and then i found out
that we are in the same tuition center (the ever famous Kasturi lah)
after high school, then i was off to Help Institute for my pre u and
there i met Ben, was so cute and he was in a band.. i really really
liked him and he treated me like one of his guy friends.. he used to
work at an ice cream parlour in Star Hill and i took a job there as
well so that i will get to see him... [was such a sucker] then he broke
my heart when he became staedy with my so called best friend in
college.. was so devasted coz everyone knew and i was the blur one who
found out last..
anyway after one year (during the economy crisis) i quit college and
start working.. and that is when my wild days started.. i was not
dating but seeing guys from the net... went out with couple of them and
some of them became my good friends like Remy. then i decided to study
part time at FTMS-ICl and meet a couple of guys there but none was that
interested. then i went for the Commonwell Games voluenteer program and
met this guy called Nick. he was cute but he was younger then me.. we
had a cerrtain connection but then he did not pursue it. so there goes
another guy...
then i meet my current beau, Kevin... my dear dear sweet Kevin... that
was 4 years ago.. he is the love of my life now. apple of my eyes...
love him so much.. cant believe that you can actually love someone so
much that it hurts. there is a saying that i heard b4 is that if love
does not hurt then it is not love... we had a lot of ups and downs
(mostly due to my wild days and wild bahaviour but then i mellowed
down, and also due to the differences in our religion)
we broke up briefly abt a year ago and then got back together again
after one month of separation becoz we were so miserable without each
other.. then now when things are so good and all, we would have to part
again...
as the saying goes, eventually all good things have to end.. why? this
hurts and sucks. we would be goin our separate ways by the end of the
year and now it is already mid of the year. the closer i t gets to the
end of the year, the more i dread it and it hurts.. it really really
hurts... [dear if u are reading this, do not blame yourself ok?]
sometimes we just have to give up someone so that they could be happy..
[i learn that from you dearest..]
well it definately would not be a happy situation for either of us but
then circumstances are forcing me to be apart from the one that i love.
sometimes i just wonder whtr there is anyone made for me? i thought
there was but now i do not think so.. i have lost faith in finding
someone. it si not easy to find someone that you really love and then
you have to give him up. after getting hurt from this, it is better not
to get involved and get hurt again by someone else. becoz sometimes u
may never know what is your limit and maybe the next time you may lapse
into depression and never get back up again.
i just made a pact with myself that i would remain single for the rest
of life becoz there is nothing i can do abt myself that cannot be
simply changed [my religion in this country] life sucks..... it really
really sucks..
Currently Playing: The Best I Ever Had (Vertical Horizon)
[tribute to my love relationship with Kevin]
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| :::long haitus.. writer's block syndrome ;p:::
havent been updating my blog for quite some time. am having writer's
block and maybe becoz have been using my brain for more important
things like doing my final year project, my assignments and projects.
anyway on monday one project is due and another on the 30th of this
month. After that on the 4th of July (coincidently the same day of
America's Independence Day) i have another project report due.. havent
even started anything on that. better start doing that after i finish
my final year project interview questions and gantt chart (project mgmt
stuff)
so what have i been up to? hmm well one word to sum it all up : BUSY...
well actually 3 words : BUSY LIKE HELL.. hahaha busy busy busy as a
bee. stressed as well. money from PTPTN (the national education loan)
has yet to arrived and i have yet to pay 3 months worth of tuition
fees. and exams is in July and i need to settle them as well.
am broke as well becoz i have no time to work. most of my time is
either goin to college, gym and doing my assignments/projects. so
stressed.. actually a few weeks ago, i was nearly about to give up
everything : my studies, my relationship and everything. was so burnt
out and tired.
was actually contemplating to quit my final year and just work my ass
off so that i would not be in such a stressful financial dire. and my
parents are not helping as well. they actually add more stress than
helping or even comforting me. sometimes i wish i had other people's
parents. well my parents always compare me to other kids so why cant i
compare them to other ppl's parents as well? it is only fair that i
wonder or even wish my parents were like so and so person's parents.
sometimes i feel that i hate my life but sometimes i am actually
grateful that my life is difficult and hard. i would not have not been
the person that i am today if i did not went through all these things
in my life. i would be a total different person if i did not struggle
and fight back or even rebel. Being a rebel or being different surely
has its downside. People do not often side with you and they always
seem to wonder why i always want to take the difficult path and not the
easy path.
why should we go thru life taking everything that is given and not
given to us? i refuse to believe that you should only take things
that are given or granted to you. it does not hurt to fight or try so
hard to get the things that you want and can not get. it makes you
appreciate the things that you have achieved even more once you have
gotten it.
for example it was so difficult to actually leave my good paying job
and continue to study full time. but now i feel good becoz i would be
graduating soon with a degree. it may not seem to be a big feat but
then it is important to me.
but sometimes you have give up or forgone some things in life to
achieve better or some other more important things in life. for me
being in a relationship with Kevin was the most important and wonderful
thing that has ever happened to my life. but eventually it had to end
becoz it was not possible for us to be together. i was willing to give
up everything for him my dearest but he just choose to take the easy
way out. i guess everyone has their limit.
for that i have to give up on having a relationship with anyone else
becoz eventually i know it would not work out. it is just becoz of my
stupid religion which i was born into which i did not have to choice to
get out of it. u may think that things are complicated but then things
are way too complicated in my case. i am in a religion which converting
out would be like digging my own grave and i do not want someone that i
love to convert into that religion for my sake becoz i do not even
believe in that religion. It would not be fair for that other person to
get into something which i do not even believe in at the first place.
sometimes i wonder why is my life so complicated or is it that i make
it complicated? i wonder if only i have taken the easy way out like
anyone else what would happened? if i did not leave my job and continue
would i be satisfied? would i be happy if i just believe my religion
blindly and marry some guy of the same religion for my family's sake?
or is it that i would regret all my past actions when i am gray and old
and think to myself why didnt i do such and such thing?
what would have happened? why didnt i take that action? why? why? how?
i always ask myself these questions. sometimes i wonder if i am being
too hard on myself. i always want everything to be perfect.
anyway i think i have drained myself with thoughts.. till my next update..
(tribute to the King of Rock.. he is so good looking!)
- I want you, I need you, I love you (Elvis Presley) | | |
| ::brainstorming and taekwondo training ::
high time for me to update my blog... sometimes i feel like there is a
lot of things to write but then sometimes i wish that there was a blog
site where u just plug wires to your brain and u just think and the
blog would be written by your thoughts... hahaha the high tech kind of
AI... crazy must be my brain being in Final Year Project Brainstorming
mode..
i was so busy doing the a checklist for my department that i forgot the
time.. time for my taekwondo training. was late for 20 minutes and
luckily for me, Mr Tony (the taekwondo instructor) did not ask me to
run before the stretching session.
i got bruised again today during training.. it seems that everytime
there is a light sparring session, i would surely get injured. This
time its on my left foot. Last time, here were bruises on my right
wrist and my right lower leg. Anyway Sir Tony said that there would be
a competition in May and asked us all (those who just recently gotten
their yellow belt.. - me included!)to join the competition..cant
imagine that finally i really really gonna kick someone's ass or get my
ass kicked... hahaha..
as far as i can remember, i was always the one kicking people's ass
especially guys.. hmm does bullying my younger brother counts? and my
younger cousin (who is like 1.7m tall) and a number of guys (bullies in
primary school coz i was the school prefect). Maybe it is true that
what comes around goes around.
Anyhow, my body can take the hitting at that moment in time but after
that it hurts.. i never seem to feel the pain at that moment of impact
but after that i can really really feel the pain.. hmm i guess i have
high tolerance for pain and needles especially during blood donation.
enough about my bruises and pain tolerance, now let's go on to my
brainstorming for my final year project.. actually i pretty much set my
mind on one but then i was kind of thinking about challenging myself
then again my friend told me that it is not worth risking my degree for
a difficult project which i would find it impossible to finish or even
give my best into it. i guess she is right and Mr Sanath (the FYP
project manager & lecturer) was also right. Developing a
software/system for real organisation will actually show that you can
comply with the user's requirements and thus fulfilling the main
objective of doing the project.
well nothing much to write about anymore.. am goin to try to redo my
blog in another site by adding my own touch to it soon.. till then
- Feeling Good | | |
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