teddseven's Xanga

moving physically and blog as well..

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 10:53:54 GMT

well have not been active here coz i have physically moved myself to penang for my new job and also i have a new blog at http://teddseven.blogsome.com

see u guys there...

Friday, July 08, 2005

Fri, 08 Jul 2005 20:47:42 GMT

::: new blog to ramble and rant:::

hey everyone i have found a new place to blog and rant my feelings out..

please visit at http://teddseven.modblog.com

i am out of here!!

Monday, June 13, 2005

Mon, 13 Jun 2005 17:45:55 GMT

relationships : why does love hurts ?

for those who has never been in love and never been in a love relationship, please get yourself ready.. coz love hurts.

why do i say that ? becoz it is the truth and i am a living example of that statement.

i remembered my first crush, it was when i was in Standard 4, totally admired my partner perfect, Chin Keat... i even remembered his name... was cute and tall for our age lah. he was atheletic and was best sport athele in school.

then after that i was in Standard 6 with another perfect as well. i wasnt a perfect anymore at that time. His name is Hock Hua.. i still remembered that i used to ride my bike near his house coz it was rather near to my house as well..

after that i was enrolled into an all girls school and i thought that was the end of guys oggling days.. hahaha but fortunately my school st mary's are often linked with CBN (Convent Bukit Nanas : we called Convent Bohsia Negara), St Johns (all boy's school) Viictoria Institute, BBGS (Bukit Bintang Girls School : we called them Big Bimbos Girls School) there was one year that our school band decided to join St John's for an event in their school so we had to go to their school to practice .. wah imagine we bunch of girls in a boy's school... so many guys... hahaha anyway long story short, i met a guy there and his name is nazrin (my first and last malay guy crush) and then i found out that we are in the same tuition center (the ever famous Kasturi lah)

after high school, then i was off to Help Institute for my pre u and there i met Ben, was so cute and he was in a band.. i really really liked him and he treated me like one of his guy friends.. he used to work at an ice cream parlour in Star Hill and i took a job there as well so that i will get to see him... [was such a sucker] then he broke my heart when he became staedy with my so called best friend in college.. was so devasted coz everyone knew and i was the blur one who found out last..

anyway after one year (during the economy crisis) i quit college and start working.. and that is when my wild days started.. i was not dating but seeing guys from the net... went out with couple of them and some of them became my good friends like Remy. then i decided to study part time at FTMS-ICl and meet a couple of guys there but none was that interested. then i went for the Commonwell Games voluenteer program and met this guy called Nick. he was cute but he was younger then me.. we had a cerrtain connection but then he did not pursue it. so there goes another guy...

then i meet my current beau, Kevin... my dear dear sweet Kevin... that was 4 years ago.. he is the love of my life now. apple of my eyes... love him so much.. cant believe that you can actually love someone so much that it hurts. there is a saying that i heard b4 is that if love does not hurt then it is not love... we had a lot of ups and downs (mostly due to my wild days and wild bahaviour but then i mellowed down, and also due to the differences in our religion)

we broke up briefly abt a year ago and then got back together again after one month of separation becoz we were so miserable without each other.. then now when things are so good and all, we would have to part again...

as the saying goes, eventually all good things have to end.. why? this hurts and sucks. we would be goin our separate ways by the end of the year and now it is already mid of the year. the closer i t gets to the end of the year, the more i dread it and it hurts.. it really really hurts... [dear if u are reading this, do not blame yourself ok?] sometimes we just have to give up someone so that they could be happy.. [i learn that from you dearest..]

well it definately would not be a happy situation for either of us but then circumstances are forcing me to be apart from the one that i love. sometimes i just wonder whtr there is anyone made for me? i thought there was but now i do not think so.. i have lost faith in finding someone. it si not easy to find someone that you really love and then you have to give him up. after getting hurt from this, it is better not to get involved and get hurt again by someone else. becoz sometimes u may never know what is your limit and maybe the next time you may lapse into depression and never get back up again.

i just made a pact with myself that i would remain single for the rest of life becoz there is nothing i can do abt myself that cannot be simply changed [my religion in this country] life sucks..... it really really sucks..

Currently Playing: The Best I Ever Had (Vertical Horizon)
[tribute to my love relationship with Kevin]

Friday, June 10, 2005

Fri, 10 Jun 2005 09:56:25 GMT

:::long haitus.. writer's block syndrome ;p:::

havent been updating my blog for quite some time. am having writer's block and maybe becoz have been using my brain for more important things like doing my final year project, my assignments and projects.

anyway on monday one project is due and another on the 30th of this month. After that on the 4th of July (coincidently the same day of America's Independence Day) i have another project report due.. havent even started anything on that. better start doing that after i finish my final year project interview questions and gantt chart (project mgmt stuff)

so what have i been up to? hmm well one word to sum it all up : BUSY... well actually 3 words : BUSY LIKE HELL.. hahaha busy busy busy as a bee. stressed as well. money from PTPTN (the national education loan) has yet to arrived and i have yet to pay 3 months worth of tuition fees. and exams is in July and i need to settle them as well.

am broke as well becoz i have no time to work. most of my time is either goin to college, gym and doing my assignments/projects. so stressed.. actually a few weeks ago, i was nearly about to give up everything : my studies, my relationship and everything. was so burnt out and tired.

was actually contemplating to quit my final year and just work my ass off so that i would not be in such a stressful financial dire. and my parents are not helping as well. they actually add more stress than helping or even comforting me. sometimes i wish i had other people's parents. well my parents always compare me to other kids so why cant i compare them to other ppl's parents as well? it is only fair that i wonder or even wish my parents were like so and so person's parents.

sometimes i feel that i hate my life but sometimes i am actually grateful that my life is difficult and hard. i would not have not been the person that i am today if i did not went through all these things in my life. i would be a total different person if i did not struggle and fight back or even rebel. Being a rebel or being different surely has its downside. People do not often side with you and they always seem to wonder why i always want to take the difficult path and not the easy path.

why should we go thru life taking everything that is given and not given to us? i refuse to believe that you should only take things that are given or granted to you. it does not hurt to fight or try so hard to get the things that you want and can not get. it makes you appreciate the things that you have achieved even more once you have gotten it.

for example it was so difficult to actually leave my good paying job and continue to study full time. but now i feel good becoz i would be graduating soon with a degree. it may not seem to be a big feat but then it is important to me.

but sometimes you have give up or forgone some things in life to achieve better or some other more important things in life. for me being in a relationship with Kevin was the most important and wonderful thing that has ever happened to my life. but eventually it had to end becoz it was not possible for us to be together. i was willing to give up everything for him my dearest but he just choose to take the easy way out. i guess everyone has their limit.

for that i have to give up on having a relationship with anyone else becoz eventually i know it would not work out. it is just becoz of my stupid religion which i was born into which i did not have to choice to get out of it. u may think that things are complicated but then things are way too complicated in my case. i am in a religion which converting out would be like digging my own grave and i do not want someone that i love to convert into that religion for my sake becoz i do not even believe in that religion. It would not be fair for that other person to get into something which i do not even believe in at the first place.

sometimes i wonder why is my life so complicated or is it that i make it complicated? i wonder if only i have taken the easy way out like anyone else what would happened? if i did not leave my job and continue would i be satisfied? would i be happy if i just believe my religion blindly and marry some guy of the same religion for my family's sake? or is it that i would regret all my past actions when i am gray and old and think to myself why didnt i do such and such thing?

what would have happened? why didnt i take that action? why? why? how? i always ask myself these questions. sometimes i wonder if i am being too hard on myself. i always want everything to be perfect.

anyway i think i have drained myself with thoughts.. till my next update..

(tribute to the King of Rock.. he is so good looking!)

Thursday, March 24, 2005

Thu, 24 Mar 2005 16:17:14 GMT

::brainstorming and taekwondo training ::

high time for me to update my blog... sometimes i feel like there is a lot of things to write but then sometimes i wish that there was a blog site where u just plug wires to your brain and u just think and the blog would be written by your thoughts... hahaha the high tech kind of AI... crazy must be my brain being in Final Year Project Brainstorming mode..

i was so busy doing the a checklist for my department that i forgot the time.. time for my taekwondo training. was late for 20 minutes and luckily for me, Mr Tony (the taekwondo instructor) did not ask me to run before the stretching session.

i got bruised again today during training.. it seems that everytime there is a light sparring session, i would surely get injured. This time its on my left foot. Last time, here were bruises on my right wrist and my right lower leg. Anyway Sir Tony said that there would be a competition in May and asked us all (those who just recently gotten their yellow belt.. - me included!)to join the competition..cant imagine that finally i really really gonna kick someone's ass or get my ass kicked... hahaha..

as far as i can remember, i was always the one kicking people's ass especially guys.. hmm does bullying my younger brother counts? and my younger cousin (who is like 1.7m tall) and a number of guys (bullies in primary school coz i was the school prefect). Maybe it is true that what comes around goes around.

Anyhow, my body can take the hitting at that moment in time but after that it hurts.. i never seem to feel the pain at that moment of impact but after that i can really really feel the pain.. hmm i guess i have high tolerance for pain and needles especially during blood donation.

enough about my bruises and pain tolerance, now let's go on to my brainstorming for my final year project.. actually i pretty much set my mind on one but then i was kind of thinking about challenging myself then again my friend told me that it is not worth risking my degree for a difficult project which i would find it impossible to finish or even give my best into it. i guess she is right and Mr Sanath (the FYP project manager & lecturer) was also right. Developing a software/system for real organisation will actually show that you can comply with the user's requirements and thus fulfilling the main objective of doing the project.

well nothing much to write about anymore.. am goin to try to redo my blog in another site by adding my own touch to it soon.. till then

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 18:36:20 GMT

::FINALLY!!!::

FINALLY i am goin to start my 3rd year course.. cant believe tha i am so hyped abt studying.. well i have always wanted to finish my degree.. in fact at 17 (which was a very very very long time ago) i always wanted to graduate by the age of 21 and get several degrees..

yes yes i am mad i know. in fact after this degree i might even consider taking law part time when i am working. Crazy, huh?? anyway nothing much has been goin on except been working out at the gym. i havent even lose a pound for the past 3 months that i have been working out.. dont know what is wrong.

i do feel more energetic and my clothes fit better but then i dun see any changes to the scale. suspect that the scale is faulty but used another scale in a different gym and it still shows the same numbers.. ARGHHH so frustrating.

however life was not getting any better.. how would life be much better for me is that suddenly is that if i strike the jackpot.. hahaha that would solve all my problems but then as the saying goes money can't buy happiness but then i think it does anyway but it is temporary happiness.

the thing is that different people view happiness in their very own weird way. some people may view that getting married and having several kids would be heaven but that would be hell for some.. (like my parents with all the trouble that me and siblings caused them!)
some people may viewed that having lots of money would make them happy but some may view that having just enough to get by would be just right.

humans are weird creatures... things to ponder..

till then more updates next week..

>>> cool song by Will Smith called Switch... nifty dances moves with the song>>

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 04:33:33 GMT

just a few weeks more...

just a few more weeks that my degree course is goin to start... what a relief.. i have finally thought of a project to do and also am goin for a holiday with my boyfriend before my work starts to pile up...

finally something else to do beside working as a Technical Assistant..

anyway will update more often when i get streamyx....

till then...adios

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Sun, 13 Feb 2005 14:26:27 GMT

holiday over?....

well the holiday is over for Chinese New Year but its not over for me..
am taking abt one week of from my work to fix the TA claim system. also i think i need time to do my research for my final year project before my course starts.

i have yet to make up my mind abt what to do for my final year project. it is not that i have no idea what to do. just that i have two great ideas that expects different things from me and i am not sure whether i am good in either...
i have to choose something that i like and would stick to doing it until the end if not then i would lose interest in the mid and regret it later.. i had so much time but i didnt spent enough tim edoing research.. have up my research now for at least a month before my course starts.

so till then adios.

Friday, February 04, 2005

Fri, 04 Feb 2005 10:03:23 GMT

happy chinese new year

well well it is less than one week and its gonna be chinese new year. one the my most favorite time of the year.. can get ang pow (chinese red packets filled with money) hehehe.. the more prosperous someone is and then the more they would give you during this entire period of time..

i also like visiting my chinese relatives better then my dad's side.. way better...anyway am busy doing the Tech Assistant's claim site.. busy busy.. have to get it done by the end of next week.

till then... HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE.

Thursday, January 27, 2005

Thu, 27 Jan 2005 16:13:10 GMT

new PC yeah!!!

well i finally gotten my new PC.. it is ok so far so good.. did my own installation and stuff...it has a combo drive so i can watch DVD whenever my home TV is being occupied by my dad especially... (watching astro sport..)

anyway it was a tiring week from working and working out..ppl told me i looked like i lose some weight but i dun feel like i lose weight...hmm and i dun trust the weighing machine in the gym coz it gives some very peculiar numbers at different gyms.. some gyms i weigh myself and i am lighter and at some i am heavier... so unreliable..

well will write more when i am not sooo brain dead..cioa and good nite!
yeah JLo new video is soo hot and cool... she so cool...