| A lot of caffeine for a boost...
Into the many sleepless nights...
and walking as a lifeless shell in the day.
It has been over a week.
Switching between caffeine mode and insomnia mode
Everything has become a blurred vision.
It is confusing.
No matter how many "no matter what"'s I've said...
You cannot hide from admitting some things
when they keep on looping inside your head.
Emotions and relationships are those things
that you can never easily control in life.
You think you can overcome any difficulties,
given enough willpower, but in the end...
In the end, what?
***
想約在一個適合聊天的下午 分開很多年滿以為沒有包袱
我還打算回顧我們為何結束 還想問你是不是一個人住
當你的笑容給我禮貌的招呼 當我想訴說這些年來的感觸
你卻點了滿桌我最愛的食物 介紹我看一本天文學的書
*我想哭 不敢哭 難道這種相處 不像我們夢寐以求的幸福
走下去 這一步 是寬容還是痛苦
我想哭 怎麼哭 完成愛情旅途 談天說地是最理想的出路
談音樂 談時事 不說愛 若無其事原來是最狠的包袱*
當我想坦白我們的樂多於苦 你說水星它沒有衛星好孤獨
我才明白時間較分手還殘酷
老朋友了再沒資格不滿足
***
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| Thank you so much for giving me the power...
and sharing the burden...
and tolerating my worst temper...
and forgiving me for spending so little time with you...
Thank you for your love...
I love you too...
If only you were here Alison
I would give you ONE BIG HUG
and that would be the happiest thing in the world. |
| |
| That day we were on the beach...
"you want to see this look every day of your life?"
"yes..."
Some bad things were bound to happen. They change your life in one way or the other. Bad things can suffocate you in distress. Bad things may teach you a lesson so that you won't fall into the same pit again. We were lucky that... when bad things did happen, they took from us some of our most treasured things, but also signified a twist in our relationship...
Remember how complicated things were, one month before that? we wondered if we could make it... me entering the university and you're one year younger... neither knew what could happen. and from the little things that actually happened... the path was ever so dim. hope and trust slowly drained... but curiously, at some point, it began to change.
Maybe without that blow, we would be much different. We would even become strangers. And last year... the same time around now... I stared into the empty space over the harbour... and let my thoughts drift. They drifted only to darkness... and those were dark times too. There were always things that other people couldn't see and yourself couldn't tell... it just dwells in your heart and there is nowhere to release. Who thought we could survive this anyway...
But we did. When we said "happy 4th" to each other... it sounded so normal. We might have as well taken it for granted that these four years went by... smoothly, uneventfully. But it's not like celebrating the fourth birthday of a baby. It's not a day you can count and tick the developmental milestones and say, baby, you've grown. There's much more to the path we've taken... the tears, nightmares, bad memories. What is greater, is the effort we put in to overcome them... as i wrote for you some time ago... that "some scars will never fade"... but we should be grateful that because of the scars we became stronger, not weaker.
True love is not a fairy tale if you believe in it. With so much trust, and confidence, and love in you... I treasure and remember this day as our 4th anniversary... and wish it lasts forever. |
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| I'm so sorry...
I don't know why this could have happened...
I wouldn't treat you like this again...
It feels so bad breaking a promise...
It's not the movie or hanging out that matters...
It's the trust that you placed in me...
I don't know why I could have done this...
Just shortly after you have left...
There's so little I can do to retrieve what we have lost...
I could have grabbed the chance tightly...
It's a moment that I regret so much...
And I wish I could go back...
I'm so sorry...
I hate the distance...
The cold, empty room at night...
The many TV shows we have watched together...
Now they become dull and bitter...
How many days do I have to wait...
And of course you would have a much harder life...
Adapting to all these all over again...
It would be many days until I hug you...
And we have to limit our bond into
many phone calls and messages and emails...
It's like a puzzle with a missing piece...
So flawed... imperfect...
And this piece is so large that it hollows my heart...
Things haven't changed...
I love you with all I have. |
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| 誰能盡棄世上一切 去做快樂情人
即使有淚 已是沒遺憾
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