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| missing dad...it doesn't hit that often... but when it does -- it does.
i was on my way to ryan's and my new apartment today, listening to the radio, and mariah carey's new song "bye bye" came on. i hadn't heard it yet, so i turned it up loud to hear every word. probably a bad idea. by the time i turned on to our road, i couldn't stop my eyes from tearing up because of the words of the song...
You never got a chance to see
How good I've done
I wish that you were here
To celebrate together
I wish that we could
Spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to
Tuck me in at night
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact
You're gone forever
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on I wish
I could talk to you for a while
Miss you but I try not to cry
As time goes by
And it's true that you've
Reached a better place
Still I'd give the world to see your face
And be right here next to you
But it's like you're gone too soon
Now the hardest thing to do is say
Bye byei've been having the hardest time getting myself together for the wedding. the planning is so difficult -- mainly because i feel like its missing something and i can't have the wedding without it. its missing dad.
i have people telling me, "its time to make decisions!" i know its time to make decisions. but i don't want to make them without him. i honestly didn't think it would be this hard, but in all the happiness and excitement, i feel this wet blanket covering it all. i can hear him telling me " you look very beautiful today" as he always did, giving me a tender hug before walking me down the aisle, whispering he loves me as he gives me away to be married. changing roles from father to pastor as he reads the vows that will bind Ryan and me for life. giving us an exhortation to commit ourselves completely -- to always put God first. to forgive, to love, to cherish, to honor, to obey... i can hear the blessing he would give us before presenting us for the first time... may the Lord bless you and keep you,
may He make His face shine upon you and be gracious unto you,
may He lift up His countenance upon you,
and grant you His peace... Forevermore.
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| an update.so, its been a while since i've xanga'd... but i'm home alone, not really sick anymore, but not really well enough to go anywhere, so i figured i'd use my time [wisely?] and blog.
a lot has happened lately! i've been a busy girl. i got home from school in august, and spent the next month looking for a job, and i was hired at Aerosoles, a women's shoe store, at the Leesburg Outlets. i loved my job, and really enjoyed being in a management position and learning what thats all about. ryan and i, obviously, continued dating, and even though finances were really super tight, still found ways to have fun together.
in december, i started realizing that as much as i loved my job, i wasn't working enough hours and i really needed something that would give me full-time work. i started looking for other employment and was hired at carmax as a customer service representative. however, the day i was scheduled to start training for my new job, my district manager called and offered me an assistant manager position at the Aerosoles store in Fairfax! it offered more pay, but a very long drive. i took the offer.  i love my new location, and i love my new(ish) job. the drive is sometimes a challenge, especially when its late at night and i just want to be home in bed instead of driving, but it gives me a great chance to have some time to myself every day.
so, i changed jobs in the middle of january, and on january 31st, ryan proposed! we had planned to go out to dinner, and when he came to pick me up, he had some lame reason that we needed to look for something of his in my car. sooo, we went to my car, and when i finally picked up on his hints, i saw the rose tied to my steering wheel with the ring attatched. i couldn't exactly speak, i was so surprised, but i think he understood my response when he asked me to marry him. 
now we are neck deep in wedding planning, the date is June 20th. we are having a very small evening ceremony. i wish we could just elope, but apparently thats not very thoughtful. plus, i already bought my dress. 
we have an apartment in reston, and i'm so excited about decorating it and stuff.... i've dreamed of decorating my own house for years! it won't be a permanent home, but its our first, so i'm excited just the same. the first few weeks after he moves in will be dedicated to decorating and settling so that after the wedding, its already our home.
well thats my update -- i hope it satisfied your need for news.
If you just realized what I just realized
then we'd be perfect for each other
then we'd never find another
Just realized what I just realized
we'd never have to wonder if
we missed out on each other now.
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| dum-diddlie-dee"who are you? and what do you do,
that makes you think you're above me,
but have you walked in my shoes?"
    
    
    
--> general news <--
life moves on at an ever-rapiding pace. (i'm not sure ever-rapiding is a word... but lets pretend it is.  i pronounce it: "e-ver ra-p-eeeee-d-ing") between the boy and the family and the new job... [oh, and my totally trashed room i'm trying my best to organize.] i'm swamped with things to keep me busy.
* awesome - oh wow! *
i'm coaching a cheerleading squad! cheering for football is a whole new experience for me, and i'm trying my best to learn as much as i can. (btw, the denver/buffalo game, like, last week, was pretty amazing... i saw the last two minutes and it was very insane how much can happen in two minutes. wow!)
[ grown-up time ]
i just started a job at a shoe store called Aerosoles. i'm the second assistant manager. it should be super fun, plus, i am required to wear Aerosoles shoes... the IN-season shoes. which means i buy many new shoes. how fun is that? (it also means i probably won't see much of my paycheck... but... i'm willing to risk it.)
- lets talk about the weather -
i would like to announce that since i've returned to virginia, the weather has been hotter than it ever was all summer in NY. i would just like to point that out.
:: its time to say goodbye now... ::
please come to my store and buy my shoes.
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| my summer as a lifeguard.well... the island isn't as terrible as i thought it would be. i actually kind of enjoy it. the beach is open sunday through thursday, 1:30 to 5:30 and friday, 1:30 to 4:30. i am getting very bronze skin (my legs are even tanning!!) and very blonde hair. my once translucent skin (my stc'ers thought i was an albino) now looks like normal people skin. and my hair... its now platinum. its growing very long and beachy. i'm really excited about cutting it off after the summer. i realized that i really enjoy having short hair and not dealing with so much of it all the time. *phew* its so tiring. =/
here are some comments i hear regularly on the beach about the swim test:
"curse the swim test!"
"that blonde lifeguard is the grumpiest of them all!"
"the lifeguards are so idiotic. they should let people with asthma rest for TWO MINUTES during the swim test!"
"my arms WERE coming up out of the water!"
"you should let people swim under water for their swim test."
"wait, so how CAN i swim?"
"i'm NOT touching the bottom!"
and about a million others.
here are some comments i regularly have to say on the beach regarding the swim test:
"the swim test is TWO laps, thats down back, down back. the first lap MUST be freestyle, or the front crawl. your arms must come up, out of the water. the second lap, you can do anything you want EXCEPT, elementary backstroke, (if you do the backstroke, your arms must come up out of the water one at a time so i can see them.) swimming under water, or sidestroke. you cannot at any time do the doggy paddle, swim under water, stop, stand on the bottom, or grab on the ropes. if i see you doing any of these things, you fail the swim test."
"your arms MUST come out of the water!"
"you cannot do the elementary backstroke!"
"watch out for the fence!"
"make sure your legs aren't touching the bottom!"
*sigh* what a rewarding job.
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