does anyone still get on or did we all convert to my space??? lol write me if anyone gets this please.

guess whos back?

      sometimes it just seems like too much, i can t hold togther myself let alone try to pull everyone else togther, i don t know what to do. i feel used, misplaced, and confused, and it took this long to figure out and understand that much, which makes me afriad of whats in the future for me.

       i have no more time to myself, which is my oen fault, to an extent, but furthermore, i can t take the time anymore to help myself, and i fear that ultamitly, that will be the one thing that will always be ther with me, constently reminding me of just how muh i threw away, how badly i fucked up, and i ve found before an easily attianable methood of surcomin that feelin, but now, now i my life has been takin over, invaded by an outside force that has no real conseption of what or who i really am, but with takin all that into consideration they still persist on planing out my liffe, makin my choices, tellin me what i can and can t do. i can t take that anymore. just thinking of the very presence of an intity of such projected power and persuasion quite literally makes me feel like i want to die.

     if i cant control my own life, then why should have a life at all? i can t comprend why anyone would want to continue on without choice, without decision, without reason, without the chance to take a risk, to make a mistake. because for me thats why i live on. that s why i, through it all i continue on this never-ending endevar to find a way to break away, to become my own again, to take back the control in my life tht i so desperately long for.

     I have so much bottled up right now that i can t even begin to think of how to express it, but i think that, in  time, i will find a way, wether it s worth it or not is something I must thik about before i draw a conclusion of this epic perportion..

good bye and farewell,

untill next time

Jeff and i came up with a great recipe for home made chili and we thought we d share it with you so here it is

1.5 lbs. ground beef

1/4 red pepper

1/4 yellow pepper

1/4 orange pepper

1 whole onion

1 can tomato paste

1 can baked beans

1) cook beef

2) drain grease and add onion

3) cook beef and onion until the onion begins to become soft

4) add peppers and cajan seasoning cook untill peppers are soft

5) add paste and beans then simmer for 5- 10 min.

for added flavor add your favorite cheese and/or some cooked bacon for that added texture.

hope it turns out ok for all you chili eaters out there, one thing we d suggest is to try adding somew banana peppers when you add the onions for some added sweetness, also, a touch of, and i know this may sound weird, maple syrup.