hey all, i havent wrote in a while, i got tired of letting my emotions out, like depressing ones and whatnot, so yeah. umm on saturday me and my friend lauren threw a party, it was pretty rad, i met some interesting people. i led these 2 guys on, but then i didnt do anything cuz im mean like that. haha. i got really sick, it was the first time i threw up from drinking. which is crazy i thought it would have happened a long time before this weekend. i drank so fuckin much. it was crazy, and then igot way sick. and ive been throwin up sinse... saturday. so i havent been at school. people say its alchol poisining, but i think its the flu, hell maybe its a mix of them both, but either way it fuckin sucks ass. i hate being sick. nothin to do, i just sleep and watch tv all day. dont get me wrong i love sleeping but its boring. my parents and i have been fighting alot latly. it sucks ass... they are jerkoffs anyways. im movin out in 7months.! im stoked. im gonna go get an apartment with dylan. yeah. that should be an interesting adventure. oh well,nothin in cali anyways, except alex. lol. ok im out, i should be sleeping

kristi

Broken promises

Unforgiving lies

Word of anger

Incriminating cries

Internal destruction

Prosecuting accusations

Innocent soul

Failing expectations

Wrongful doings

“Are you ever right?”

Collapsing mind

Endless spite

Battling emotions

Crusading affection

Mindless screaming

Without a direction

Twisted tales

Of cheery youth

Distorted memories

Bended truth

Emotionally distracted

Physically vanished

Misplaced love

Intellectually famished

Endless lies

Rage is absurd

Cries of guilt

And broken words

hmm, i find myself slipping back into my pathetic realm.... like a downward spiral into depression (no pun intended on downward spiral).  i hung out with one of my best friends here in california, and it was cool. i love her to death. but then i come home to bad news. and then even more bad news. its like i cant go a whole day, let alone a week without something horribly wrong happening. it just totally sucks ass. im finally all healing up, on the outside, and im ready to start it up again... i know i shouldnt, but somehow it makes me feel better. i know its wrong, like most shit that i do, but it just seems like an escape right now... something i so desparatly need.

kristi

happy thanksgiving. dude this holiday sucks. you spend it with your family, most of which i do not like, and i dont want to talk to any of them. but we are forced around a table, to talk and discuss how thankful we are for shit. i guess mine wasnt to bad, it was just my immediate family, but we sat there and pretended like we liked eachother. FUCK, we ate so early. like 3:30ish, i had just woken up like a an hour and a half before that. my dad said a prayer, and we all sat there with our hands folded, i had my eyes open, i was lookin around, my sister was putting food on her plate trying not to be obvious about it. and my mom was lookin at her nails. lol. such a good prayer, and then my dad muttered something about being thankful for our family and for like the food, and said something about the "war" but dude, isnt that shit over?  anyways, im doing better  then i was the other day. i talked to dylan 2 days ago, and it was so incredibly wonderful. i think we are going to get back together, like later. and OH im moving up there i think, in july. im excited. i get to start a whole new life, and again he will be in it. i think that in the last few months i have matured more than i have in the last few years. i was left to fall and stumble thru life and no one was there to hold my hand, dylan was there, but he wasnt keeping me in check, and from that i have grown. im so thankful... so if anything on this ghey holiday, i am thankful for that, i am thankful for dylan...

kristi