the__winner's Xanga

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Wed, 17 Aug 2005 20:18:44 GMT

New xanga for those who care.

Click here then subscribe. =]

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Thu, 11 Aug 2005 14:05:24 GMT

I've really never done this before but

this xanga is dead.

No one reads it anyway. And if you do, thanks for the comments...pshh yeah right. I might get a new one, so look for the subscription. Later hoes.

Myspace. Add me. www.myspace.com/enigmatic_self

♥Felicia

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Wed, 10 Aug 2005 20:35:40 GMT

Heights Soccer car wash!

Saturday, August 13th

37th & Woodlawn Dillons
$Cost-Donations
10am-4pm

Lots of girls in bikinis and hot, buff soccer playing guys willing to wash your car. We'll do whatever it takes! lol jk

On another note: I enrolled today, and it makes me really sad knowing school is just around the corner. Ugh.

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Sun, 07 Aug 2005 15:54:19 GMT

This was edited. Phil is right, I should stop being a loser. Whack.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

Thu, 04 Aug 2005 14:54:00 GMT

KCMO for the weekend ♥

I love these girls with all my heart. ♥

This will be a nice gettaway for me. Leave me some.

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 16:33:45 GMT

This is a rant of what's been seeping out of my pores these past couple days. I would really love everyone's advice and support, but If you don't have the time to read it, then don't expect much back from me in return.

_____It's summer and it's time to be young and have fun making mistakes, right? I've been taking my time to try to figure out who I am and who I want to be, and I'm pretty sure I found me. I'm a grown girl now with mistakes under my belt, but hoping for no more in the future. Yes I do things my parents never thought I would and I continue to hide things here and there, but never to much to hide away who I am. Someone great once told me that If I lied enough, It would be a constant routine of never knowing who I was. That If I lied so much in a day, I wouldn't remember what was real or what was a fib to others. I've taken that with me each and everyday. But I am here today to try and figure out the last bit of growing up.

_____Being of this age I realize that things happen for a reason, but I could never truely and fully understand that concept. For as long as I can remember, If there was something that I couldn't understand, then I would push it in the back of my head until something has brough it up again. I would never try and figure things out as they came to me. And that hurt me the most. I can't accept change, I don't want to hurt anyone, I don't want to fall hopelessly in love because I know how it feels to think I am the world to someone else while really I'm nothing more than a voice on the other line.

I have held your heart for days at a time in my back pocket, trying to push everything aside while I try to figure things out.

_____After paragraphs and paragraphs, I feel that I've typed myself into circles which establishes nothing. If you are here reading this so far, thanks for just reading how I feel. It means the world to me to know that I have support from someone just listening to my rrandom thoughts and feelings. And tonight when i'm laying down in my bed, I will be afraid to close my eyes for I don't know what thoughts could dance around in my mind about anything. And tomorrow when I see that light, I will know that I've slept though another night of wasted time by putting everything off until that one day when I realize exactly who I want to be.

Facade-n. a showy misrepresentation intended to conceal something unpleasant.

Tuesday, July 26, 2005

Tue, 26 Jul 2005 03:45:38 GMT

It hurts to think that i'm in love with this confidence.

_____For the past couple days I've been falling asleep to Paper Airplanes at 5AM every morning only from the drowsiness effects of my pills. I'm an insomniac and I hate it. I would then find myself wide awake at 8:37 almost everyday. How does a person <function from sleeping a mere 3 hours? I need to get help.

_____So things have been looking up for me lately, but only because I think that I found a way to cheat the system. If you need advice then ask me, only if you believe i'm sane which hardly any of you do. But tonight, while I was lying in bed listenin to my routine cd, and talking to Jerin, I started complaining about anything and everything for no aparent reason. I couldn't figure out my source of sadness until Jerin said some simple words. "Things change." As easily said by him, but so complicated while running through my head. I hated the fact that things change. So all my problems that i've seemed to figure out weeks ago, have changed in itself. I think that I need to take some time for myself and try to figure things out.

Much love to those who deserve it.♥

Oh & Thanks for all the compliments on my picture that I have up. You guys are all very pretty also =] lol

Friday, July 22, 2005

Fri, 22 Jul 2005 00:08:52 GMT

______Okay so here it goes. If you are going to prank call me pretending to be Arnold Schwarzenegger, then realize this, he isn't the PRESIDENT of California, he is the Governor. And second, make the accent sound a tad bit like him so that I can laugh along with you idiots in the background. Sheeesh.

____The show on tuesday was pretty good, saw some bands that i've only heard about and not actually heard... and then there was The Stiletto Formal.They were one of the best bands that I have ever heard live, if not the best. Phil & I were blown away, as to Jerin thought that they were "alright". (Later that night he went on to buy their T-shirt & their cd.) What a ~~poopface~~ =] But I gotta love him.

____Soccer started up today which was exhausting. They weather was terribly hot and all the girls were going to suffer from heatstroke! lol well not really that serious, but it was tiring and we were out of shape. I'm going to try to head up to the mall tomorrow and swoop me some more clothes, like I need anymore. I'll write the next time I have time...? lol

♥And just to let you know, my "feeling good streak" has just kept on going. I'm happier than i've ever been.

Let's just hope that the nexxt problem that comes along isn't too big eyy. Much love, loves.♥♥

Monday, July 18, 2005

Mon, 18 Jul 2005 15:04:10 GMT

Feeling free...It's our modern disease. You're a classic disaster, with a knack for losing your exterior. I'm so sick, from staring at the mirror. ♥;

______Hey kidds, I thought it was time for an update. Nothing much going on really, There has been a small break from constant soccer which is a blessing, so I've had time to bum around a bit. Went to KCMO for a day & shopped which was fun. Tomorrow i'm planning on going to the show at Headway. Some good bands are gonna be playing. I was actually trying to head out to the pool today, but it's been raining a bit this morning, and is extremely gray out which I love. I'll stay home at stare out the window. I'm going to try to get in touch with the friends i've lost touch with this summer, to pick things back up and end my summer off on a good note. Nothing else is fresh on my mind but that I am completely happy with how things have been going lately. I have really truely found myself. Much love to everyone.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Thu, 14 Jul 2005 13:55:03 GMT

"I just found a friend... In one of your lies."

______The fresh start program was fun, though it was extremely early everyday. I recovered and got some sleep. Hung out with a bunch of friends last night that I missed dearly, kinda sad to leave a place with friendly faces and go home to emptiness. I have a futbol game today & i'm just tired. I made plans to go to the pool and to go to a movie. Let's hope I follow through. Tomorrow i'm going to Kansas City for a day or two... It'll be nice to get away I think. Charlie & The Chocolate Factory comes out tomorrow, & I don't even get to see it with the kids I planned on. SORRY.

♥ ♥ ♥

So he hurt me yesterday, but I had my guard up. I knew not to fall for someone that didn't have feelings. He said he didn't need me, so I made him realize that I never needed him. The end.