eXtReMeI've realized that i no longer eat...normal.
EVER.
i just sort of swing between the two extremes of b/p cycles and extreme anorexia.
for instance, this week, i went on a pure water fast. that's right, WATER. no negative cal foods, no nibbles, no chew-and-swallows...NADA. and i exercised so on the third day i was blacking out.
AND I LOVED THE CONTROL.
then, after the thrid day, i ate macaroni and cheese...
....threw it up.
woke up and swore i wouldn't eat today, but i ate 1/2 cup oatmeal. once the floodgates opened, i ate a bowl of cornflakes too.
...threw it up.
an hour later, i ate a donut and some icecream.
...threw it up.
2 hours later, some pasta salad.
...threw it up.
1 hour later, 2 more donuts and milk.
...threw it ALL up, unlike the last 3 which were partial purges ( on purpose)btw...wouldn't recommened the donuts, the taste of it was HELL. I've thrown up so much today i managed to push it up with my stomach mucles alone the last time, and i've never done that before (outside of flus, lol)
yes, i know it's TERRIBLE for me. i could do some real damage. but i simply cannot sit with food in me anymore. evne a partial purge calms me down, but no purging is almost not an option. i satrve, or i puke.
*sigh*
at least i didnt gain any of the weight back.
does anyone esle reading this have problems with mia sprees? if so, i really need someone to talk to, or maybe some advice.
i'll be on vaction for a week (family...ugg)
much love.
XoXo
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