well...i am back...

today has been a glorious day...yeah, seriously.  and this is the reason i am back.  i switched to part time.  yah!!!  don't get me wrong...i stinkin' love my kids at work.  40 diaper changes a day can get a bit overwhelming.  12 kids screaming at once.  one kid puking on himself while another has diarrhea and another's diapper just leaked.  yeah...  it took me this many months to figure out that 5 hours and 15 minutes was plenty of time to spend with this sort of drama.  oh...but like i said...my kids are super cool.  they can't help it if they leak all over the place.  they're one and two.  give them a break.  you know?

God...yeah...he is up to a lot in me.  don't ask what.  too much for me to figure out so i don't even know.  i just know he is stirring something up in me.

i visited a church in the big town of jasper, tx yesterday.  the pastor said something great.  no guys.  i am serious.  it was great.  most of what he said confused me...but this right here, this was profound.  he said something like..."recent pockets of revival (whatever that means) have come about through college age and younger.  why?  because young people are sick of tradition and religion.  they want real."  if i weren't sick of religion and tradition, i would amen that statement a million times a million!  how true?!  i mean, seriously!  i thought it was just me.  i thought there was something wrong with me.  now, i am just realizing that it is this generation.  seriously, what's the point i wonder.  religion and tradition.  what is the point?

there are some traditions i like.  the tradition of going to starbucks every thursday of my life...sounds great.  i am fine with tradition if i like it, but why do i have to do something i hate just because it is tradition, i am "supposed to" and it is the "proper or right thing to do".  having just got married, that will show a person how sick of tradition they really are.  and how annoying it is that non-tradition is not so acceptable by other generations.  somehow, i guess since i hang out with young ppl a lot, i got clumped with the younger generation.  and i am glad.  you know why?  because i don't want to like tradition and religion.

i know i sound passionate.  i am...sorta.  don't worry.  i will not start up anti-religion and anti-tradition marches around the city.  i simply don't want to live bound to the way it shoulda, coulda, woulda been.  i personally want to live in reality.  how it is.  not how it should be.  am i making sense?  yeah.  to me.  i am.

cool.  i love people or something.  and yeah.  yeah.

So, I had a great b-day yesterday!  Thanks for making it really sweet everybody!  It was interesting...Ryan took me to lunch, and then I had roses from him when I got back to work.  Then Kristi, Katie, Kimberly and I went to Golden Pagota for supper.  When I got home...Emily, Jane, Amanda, and Valerie were at my house for a "surprise".  The house was filled with cool decorations...and my favorite cupcakes!  Ditsy moment!...Their cars were in my driveway and I so did not even notice...literally...don't know how that is possible, but I didn't.  So, yeah...I was totally 100% surprised.  First time that's ever happened.

I love God!  I love Him!  He helps me SO MUCH!  I am coming to agree a great deal with Paul.  Paul was obsessed with "through Jesus".  He said that about everything He did, everything He was thankful for...He knew that it was all because, well...JESUS!  And so...Yah!  JESUS!  I am really really really just thankful for JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!  Just thought I'd let you know :)

I obviously haven't posted in forever.  My life has been a little wild...and I don't have much internet access right now.

I moved out of the Schroeder household and moved into the house Ryan and I bought.  Ryan moved out of our house and is staying with some of our friends until we get married.

Basically...I became so dependent on Tricia...and it was not good!  The past year and a half has literally been the hardest time of my life thus far.  I am reading "when godly people do ungodly things" by Beth More, and that book is describing in detail the past year and a half for me.  Wow...yeah...I love Jesus...a lot...but I can sure do some "ungodly things".  I am crushed once again, asking God to pull me out and to be my Good, my All, my Life, my Sweet Song once again.  And He is my faithful Redeemer...I am so glad for Him!  He has taught me so much through this season...some of which I am sure I will share on here and along the way.

Right now I need to go play "princess" with my really cute 4-year-old cousin.  Hehe!  I love you all!

Kristin

Does it ever take you FOREVER to learn a lesson?  Or...have you ever learned a lesson only to realize in the next situation that you've forgotten?  Circle after circle around the same mountain.  Is the promised land right there?  Why can I not just allow myself to enter it, receive, and find rest in Him?  Why do I try to find the best way on my own...circle, circle, circle...

I am tired of the treadmill.  Ready to depart the feris wheel ride.  It's okay at first...it just gets old.

Old song...great words:

There is none like You; No one else can touch my heart like You do; I could search for all eternity long and find there is NONE LIKE YOU!

And there really isn't.  God is good, perfect and DIFFERENT than us humans.  And to have Never-changing Good...you cannot beat that.  There is none like You, oh God!  And Kristin Lea Smith desparately needs and wants YOU!

Running

Running

Treadmill of life

Can't get off

Going to fast

Just running

Circles

Always circles

Never getting past a point

Wanting to progress

But round and round

Just running

Own my own

Trying, yes, trying

Needing Him

Wanting Him

Dying, yeah, dying

Exhausted

Cannot take another step

Take me off, my God

Move me forward

No more circles

Let the lesson be learned

Move me forward, Oh God

Move me, let's go