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| - Flights i
haven't updated in what feels like years. some much has happened. i
have been pretty sick lately with fevers and a really bad sinus
infection. blah. i went to the awesome most wonderful concert on sunday
night. it had Falling Up, Disciple, Kutless, and some band called
Stellar Kart (didn't leave to much of an impression on me) besides
getting squished to the point of not breathing and all my hair bows
ripped outta my hair and bracelets finito...it was very dandy! the lead
singer of Disciple locked hands with mine and sang to what felt like
only me, but i know it was everyone. so did Jesse, the lead singer of
Falling Up (my favorite). it was one amazing night that i will never
forget. i have not forgotten the previous Falling Up concert i went to
last year that introduced me to the band and it was great too! i got
the new Falling Up cd and they all signed their pics. i got a disciple
t-shirt that kicks ass and a little poster that they all signed and
then once again the lead singer of Disciple put everything down and
grabbed my hand and asked me my name and told me how happy he was that
i came. i of course to make him laugh jumped up and down and did this
little fake scream thing and it worked. i got taco bell afterwards.
that five hours outta my life was worth giving even though i was sick
and had spent 3 previous hours in the minor emergency clinic trying to
see a doctor about my sinuses. i have missed mucho amounts of school,
yet i only have one algebra paper to make up and i just have to go to
school tonight and take a test that will take all of 15 minutes.
tomorrow i have to take a quick test too, but no biggie i suppose. i had a skate competetition on saturday which
required most of the day skating and trying to get axle stalls down. i
placed third in intermediate!!! Wo0t!!! YAY. i am progressing afterall
i feel. not trying to hard, but that's my deal.
love | | |
| - Boogie is watching it in the other room. lol
today was my grandma's funeral. i have never experienced something like
it before. it was terrible, but wonderful all in one, because on one
side. i miss her more than anything and want her back so bad and can't
stand the thought of her no longer being here. but i know that she has
moved on to a better way of life. and that is with God. she is having
the time of her life there. she is finally home. and one day the people
who chose to believe in God's word and follow it will be home too. the
earth is so temporary and i relized that more than ever over these last
couple of days. i am going to school tomorrow and i have to face life
again. well my school life. i will have to make up work. and i mean
ALOT of missed work but i wouldn't have missed her funeral or anything
about it just because i knew i would have work. i have a deep
connection with her in my heart and hold so much love for her just as
she holds for me. something has changed in me now and i will never be
the same. wether people can tell or not. a part of me will forever be
different. i know the shock of her no longer being here has not totally
gone away yet so it is still not real. i mean. today was more real than
any of the days, but it still has yet to hit me. i know it really
really will when christmas and thanksgiving rolls around and everytime
i go to her house to see grandpa. i have been over there alot lately
and it is hard but i will make it through. Doug went with me to the
funeral and we sat alone together and we both had our tears and when
emotions got too rough we held hands and he gave me great big
hugs and i prolly wouldn't have been as strong had i not had him
there. i am very thankful that he got to go. he stayed and went to the
cemetary with everyone and then we went to my house and i cleaned my
room and then to my grandma's house. i need that support and it
was wonderful. i
am so tired right now that i can barely think so i will prolly add more
to this post after some seepy time.
p.s. i sang three songs in my grandma's funeral. a very beautiful
version of "Amazing Grace" by Sandy Patty. "I Can Only Imagine" by
Mercyme and "Homesick" by...i am not sure who. i only had three days to
memorize or at least learn the songs not even really three days and i
pulled them off. i feel like she would have loved it and i know that
she wanted me to sing for her. Iloveher.
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| so today i was up close to my grandma. i actually touched her shoulder.
my sister melanie and my best friend jessika took me. before the
visitation so i didn't have to be around everyone. and so i could
practice my songs. when we first got outta the car i was ok and i was
so scared i was kinda laughing. i am just scared of dead people. but
when we were on the side of the building my laughs quickly turned
to tears and i sat on the ground hugging my special hoodie and i was
shaking i was so terrified and upset. melanie and jessika walked back
and grabbed my hand and walked me in. i guess it made it a little
easier that right when i walked in my grandma was like 30 feet away and
i could see her. i couldn't see her face but i knew it was her. i cried
so much and i was still terrified. finally melanie and jessika got me
to walk up to her and look she was so beautiful and all of our family
pictures were everywere. i spent alot of time with her and jessika and
mel. it was really hard. after the visitation and i was done practicing
i went to my grandma's house and i sat in her room for the first time
with jessika and i laid on her bed and cried and i found one of her
hair clips and gee. i was so upset. tomorrow is the funeral. i have to
get to the funeral home at 9:00am to practice. i still don't have all
the songs memorized. i hope my pain goes away.
love
ps. Dougie and Delma are going with me. Delma not for sure but i am sure Doug is. that will make it easier. i love them.
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| - fortune faded
so...i know i am supposed to be at school right now, and i was. but
when i went outside to see my dad and get some money after 4th period
while he usually picks up my brother. my mom got outta the truck and
told me that my grandma had died at about 8:00 this morning. all i
could do was cry. i felt so odd. i have never had anyone in my close
family die before. i saw her like every week and spent alot of time
with her. i know she knows i love her and my mom said that she bets
grandma is playing cards right now in heaven with my aunt norma's
husband and my aunt melody's husband. that made me smile because it is
really cool to think about. when i got in the car i wouldn't cry
because my brother was in the car and my grandpa and my aunt norma. my
dad was driving and my mom was sitting by my aunt norma. i felt weird
to cry in front of them. and i felt that it would also make things
worse. i tried talking to her in my mind. kind of like praying only
instead of talking to God. i was talking to my grandma. i was telling
her how much i loved her and would miss her presence around here. i
know she is in a better place and is happy with God. i am really scared
because my mom told me in the hallway at school that she knows my
grandma would have liked it if i would sing at her funeral. i have
never been to a funeral before and i don't want to, because i don't
want to see my grandma's lifeless body there. i don't know if i would
be able to handle it. weather it was someone i knew or not. and now i
am supposed to sing. i will do it though because i know my grandma
would love it. i have never been so scared in my life. the funeral is
monday at 1:30. i will most likely sing the song i have been singing
since i was eight which would be "keep the candle burning" by Point of
Grace. i hope i can do it. i need everyone to pray for me.
love
| | |
| well i got to go to the comp. and i didn't enter myself because
first of all i was still sick, second of all i just didn't want to, and
third of all i didn't have the money. but that obviously didn't matter
because all of the sudden when everyone else had finished their first
run, Johnny says "and our last run is from Caitlyn Ellison" and i was
like "what? i didn't enter" but he kept telling me to go so i did. i
didn't know what i was going to do, so i just improvised. i fell so
many times that it wasn't even funny, but my second run went great and
i pulled of the things i wanted to. (boneless180, rock to fakie, and
fakie rock, on the six foot) YAY. so that went all good and gravey.
school has been getting kinda scary lately because my grades are
dropping and i am feeling less and less in-tune with what's going on
around me. it is upsetting me. i want to do better, and i know i can so
i am going to try to kick it into full gear. i will be praying about
it.
i am also sad because i haven't gotten to go to church in forever
because i have been babysitting of seeing musicals for theatre. i
know i gotta do what i gotta do, but it stinks sometimes. since my mom
is in virginia right now i had to stay home today and help my dad
babysitt.
its life.
O well.
love
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