**Hold Me Like You'll Never Let Me Go....

This week has been emotional. It has been hard since Fred has been out of a job. So many worries and....bills. Now that he has a job we are still worried it just won't be enough. I could feel the tension and finally it was said. The one word that I hate more than anything right now....navy.

He said he wouldn't join unless I was ok with it. How can I be ok with that? I don't know...maybe I am just selfish...but I want him home. I can't bare the thought of him being away from me...away from the family we so desperately want to have. And yet I stayed strong, I told him I would think about it. I told him if he felt it was the right thing to do that I would have to be ok with it. I stayed this way all week...until tonight. I couldn't hide it anymore....I cried. He held me and I cried. I cried for us and for our future that we want so badly. It is so hard to be so close to being married, yet so far.

In the end we decided that the navy is not in our plans and would not benefit us. Much to my dismay.....

Needless to say I will feel like a part of me is missing until the day I say "I do". I don't feel like my house is my home anymore. I feel like my home should be with him....it is getting so hard. Sometimes I just cry at night because I get so tired of going to sleep alone. It gets so old having to tell him goodnight....

Currently Listening Ocean Avenue By Yellowcard see related

*I Don't If I should Stay Or Turn Around And Run...

Blogging two days in a row? Impressive..no? I just have a lot going on in my head these past couple weeks. My best friend went off and married someone I hardly even know. I don't understand how people can be so....self centered. Yet I have been there..I have felt the "it's only you and me baby...screw everyone else" feeling. I know how love can be. But I also know what is important....and friends and family deserve to be able to build a relationship with my future husband. I guess some people don't feel that way. I can't stand sitting in a room with them. My best friend married to a girl that is like....a stranger. Weird.

I used to think that there are certain people I will always be close to. Those people are gone now. So many times I thought "this person will be in my life forever". Forever is not too long obviously. I drove right by someone tonight. Someone I used to be so close to. Close in a way only him and I understand...but still close. I can't explain the feeling that it gave me driving by him. For awhile after "everything" happened, I had to make myself drive by. But tonight....I just...drove by...

Don't get me wrong I love my life. I wouldn't trade it for anything. But there is something refreshing about being close to someone who has known you all your life, or at least most of it.......

How come even though she hurt me so much I keep running back? Everyone is asking...yet I still don't know the answer. In my past I find security....

Currently Listening Juno By Original Soundtrack see related

People Come And People Go...

Once again it has been way too long since I have written on this thing. I try to come here every once in awhile just to let my thoughts have somewhere to rest. I also like to read what I was thinking during my previous posts. It is somewhat interesting to see how far I have come...or how I am staying stuck in one spot.

Lately my life has been full of disappointment. Disappointment in people. Maybe I will never stop putting my trust in people and then being let down by their obvious stupidity. I hate it when I think I know someone so well and they have to go and prove to me that I didn't really know them at all. I hate admitting that there is nothing I can do. I don't give up well and I suppose I will never learn how to just admit something is over....

When will I ever learn that I truly can't put my trust in people?!

Sorry this has been a short one...but I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn...ugh

*Is It Moving On Or Growing Up?

Spent the whole week at Fred's mom's house in Georgia. It was great except for getting there and coming back. Let's just say, planes are NOT my thing. Yuck.

Needless to say I am blessed to have a good family on his side. They are all great. =) I am happy to be home, but I miss his Mom alot. =(

I have no pictures at all. LoL. It isn't that I am not a picture person, it is just that I always forget a camera, so I am forced to not be a picture person. =)

I missed my little babies at the daycare, I am going in at two. =)

Finals Week

Enough Said...

to top is all off she comes home on saturday...