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Friday, February 01, 2008

Saturday, June 02, 2007

  • I've just been blessed

    I think I have just been blessed. I am a little weary to tell because I fear losing it. For the last little while I have felt similiar to Joseph. Now let me see if I can get this out right . . . Last summer I had a dream that my cat was going to die when we moved. That was before we even knew that we would be moving for sure. Granted I was a little reluctant to move. I wrote a complete summary of my dream down which I will have to recap for you another time. As I remember it, someone really close to me was being threatened in another dream that I had previously. I prayed so that I wouldn't lose them and almost felt asked what I would sacrifice for them. The only thing that would save them was moving. I later had a dream that my cat was going to die after we moved. I made a pact with GOD that if that is what it would take I would sacrifice it. I gave my cat up and said good-bye in my heart to him. I put the dream aside and returned to school while my family relocated. I went home for christmas break and my cat was still alive and healthy but the dream was still a faded memory and a gut feeling. For a moment I thought that it had all been the result of an overactive imagination.
    Second semester started and I went back to school. One day I got a phone call from my mother, crying. My cat had died. Not just a natural death, but twistedly murdered. Instantly I remembered the pact. What should have been a sad experience became alarming, peaceful, crushing all at the same time. I didn't know he would die this way.
    Its wasn't the first time my dreams had come true. Dreams about things I did not know. In fact my step-father told me to stop talking about my dreams because he was sick of them coming true. Now I have had a worse dream and I don't want it to come true. But I don't know how to change it or if it's real. I haven't shared it yet, and I don't know if I should.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

  • Some people believe in everything.  I find myself a bit of a sceptic though.  Sometimes people want to things and they have the time and resources to do them.  Sometimes people don't dream because they lack the time and resources.  Others have enough time to dream, but nothing to make it come true.  There are moment when I really want to do something but don't or can't because it's too good to be true.  I don't like being disappointed all the time.  Life is good and I appreciate that, but what can it be used for? To have so many wonderful thoughts and ideas, dreams and wishes, and not be able to do anything with it.  Now that is a nightmare.

Monday, December 25, 2006

  • My Story 3

    I don't know how many people have noticed but I have a scar on my chest right over my heart. Many people ask me what its from and only a couple people actually know. That scar is open for people to see most of the time kind of like my sarcasm. My sarcasm is part of who I am a scar of some things that have happened to me as I go along my own path. Isn't it funny how people can influence how you think and behave? The scar on my chest isn't the only scar I have. Sure I have more scars that you can see like the one where I got glass up my knee or my chicken pox scars. But the scars you have to worry about are the one you can't see.
    When you break a bone it heals stronger than it was before but you can't see that. Underneath the sarcasm and rude remarks are the scars I have. 11 years ago my father and mother got divorced. My mother who gained full custody took us away from Seattle from my father. Hard blow for a daddy's girl . . . its christmas I have to finish this later.

Friday, November 17, 2006

  • My Story 2

    So here is the real story. It's been one year . . . and about time people knew the truth.
    Last Thanksgiving something happened and in reality it was all my fault. My brother walked into the kitchen wearing his headphones and ipod. My mother immediately started talking to him. Now just so you now ipod headphones are really good at blocking out outside noises. My brother didn't even know he was being spoken to. My mother got frustrated and started yelling at him. My brother, totally clueless as to why, started yelling back. My step-father got up in my brother's face for yelling at my mom (who had started walking away). My brother tried backing out and kept stepping back until he was almost against the counter. I not sure how it fit in, but I think he had poured water to take his medicine. My step-father lost it and shoved my brother against the counter. I remember it like slow motion. Water went flying everywhere. My brother was beyond confused and frustrated as to why everyone was hating on him. He lost it, and pulled back into the most solid punch I have ever seen. It was like a movie action scene. This broke out into an all out brawl. My step-father and brother started wrestling.
    At this point the babies were crying and we were all scared. I did the stupidest, most retarded thing EVER. I am only saying this to be completely honest. I picked up the phone (although I don't remember why) and dialed the three numbers. Nine-one-one. Immediately when I came to my senses and thought about what I was doing I hung up. It hadn't even rang once. I was scared they would take the babies away. I was afraid that they would break our family apart, and to me, the pieces were small enough. After that split second lapse of judgement I saw them dance (it looked like a bad dance) across the kitchen and hit the wall, leaving an indent (it sounds bad but really the walls are paper thin in a mobile home-you can hear flies walking on the other side). Because of the wall they hit the floor and my step-father landed on top. The fight was over as quickly as it had started. Still I couldn't just leave the babies to cry. I picked them up and carried them to the neighbors house. I couldnt think. There was too much tension so I just sat there. I waited.
    After a while I realized that no one had seen me take the babies. No one knew I had them. I looked outside the window and saw someone with a flashlight looking around the porch. The thought that crossed my mind was that if they were looking for the babies, they wouldn't find them in the cracks of the pavement. (Funny thought . . .) So I picked up the kids again and thanked my neighbor and walked outside. I strode down to the gate and was greeted by the scene of 3 police cars. Props to the government for how to make a scene . . . I don't know if I was even thinking. I just walked back to the house. On the porch was my step-father's pocket knife. (Not open, just out so the police would see it). An officer seeing me approach stepped up to question me. He asked me whether I had been there and to tell what had happened. So I did. My step-father was also talking to the police and refused to really answer any questions, i just remember him shaking his head. My brother, also in question, kept repeating, "I don't know". Since I was barefoot I asked the officer if I could go inside and he shook his head yes.
    I went inside and called the pastor. He was the only one I could think of. He talked me through and told me that everything was gonna be alright. I was just getting relaxed and back to normal when my mother came in, looked at me and said "They're taking [him]" (no names to protect the innocent). I became frantic. I ran outside looked in the car (police car, if you were wondering) and saw my brother just sitting there. My step-father didn't do anything. My mother was upset and I was just crazy. I'm not sure what I said or if it matched my emotions at all, but I was at least thinking, "what do you think your doing? You can't just take him! You weren't here and don't know what happened! You don't have the right to take anyone! Even if you do, you should take the person who fits the crime! Take the guy who started it all!" Ok I wasn't just a hater on my step-father but it was only fair, he had started it. My brother retaliated in self defense. I don't care who it had been! Even if my brother had started it I would have still wanted them to take the right person.
    I ran back inside and called the pastor again. I just started screaming "They're take him! They are taking [him]!" I don't know what happened next but the phone book was brought out and calls were made. We met with the bond lady at her office. It was really late-poor lady. Paperwork was signed and we started the drive over to the peneten . . (I can't spell that)- the jail. On the way over my mom said, "You know [he]'s paying for this." (Name changed to protect the guilty.) I was irrate! I replied, "What?! Even if he wasn't I would! And he should be paying for it! He started it!" My mother had missed the first part of the fight because her back was turned. (My step-father never admitted or apologized for starting the fight. He just mentioned that it went too fast and it was quite likely that my brother hadn't started it . . . ) I had to tell the whole story to my mom. We sat and waited for my brother. He was brought out. I know we headed for home but don't remember all the words that were passed. Sometime-whether it was then or later- I asked whether or not my brother had cried. He had. Once inside the jail he cried. He made his one phone call home and cried to my step-father. Weird how that all worked out.
    I have two very consistent feelings about the matter. One is that my brother served a sentence that he didn't deserve. He now has a mark that isn't his own, for a matter that wasn't his fault. This leaves my step-father free and clear. No evidence that he has ever messed up. Two, how could I ever have been so stupid! What ever made me think that law enforcement could help. They made the matter worse by taking in an innocent man. They messed up and I just started that ball rolling. I can't believe I ever did it . . .
    One of our rights is the right to a speedy trial. You have to have your trial in a certain amount of time (depeding the accusation) or it was dropped. The day before/last day the trial could still happen it did. My brother could take the chance on being found guilty or take a no contest. Law enforcement where we live just screws people over. They can't track murderers or give tickets for running red lights. But they will always be there if a homeless guy opens a beer (seriously, what crime is that? they don't have a house to hide it!) or when you tell them everything is ok. Remember the person who ran the red light or the drunk driver who crashes into another car. You'll find the police there, standing around. Here it's never about prevention, but provocation. I respect officers but I never met so many people with mixed up priorities, and discriminations, with the power and permission to be above the law. They abuse the respect they do get.
    This is the story of an incident that got blown way out of proportion. People emotions that got thrown way out of whack. By the way, if you couldn't guess, my brother took the no contest.

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