| | Xang-Stas fo' Life!...Psst. C'mere kid. Yeah, you.
I heard you like blogging.
Yeah? I heard right? I thought so.
I hear a lot of things around here - some of the homies like to joke around n' call me AC-360.
...
Anderson Cooper? What you don't watch CNN kid? Ah nevermind.
You look like a reader anyway. Books n' what not. Thas cool...the news be biased anyhow.
So what kinda blogs you like?
Funny? Satirical? Diary-style? Maybe a photoblog now and again?
A'ight, normally I don't do this - but you seem like a smart kid. Real-smart. Genius even. You ever check your family tree for any relation to that Einstein cat?
Lemme run with some scissors here.
You know...cut to the chase.
...I'm the leader of this here gang, and we run this blogging thing.
Yeah, us. We've kinda kept a low profile over the last few years, but me, J-X, and C-Boy figured it was time to start putting our name on the map again.
You ever hear of Myspace? Livejournal? Blogspot?
They got nuthin' on us.
Nuthin'. You wanna know why? We like family here kid.
We XANGSTAS. Fo' Life.
Ain't no ages here, no colors, no barriers...it don't even matter what you look like - matter fact, there's xangstas I'm tight with...but I never even seen they faces.
But I trust 'em, you know why?
'Cause it ain't just faces n' mirror pictures n' Tila Tequila n' movie trailers here, nah.
We got content. Poets. Writers. Stories.
I got people who I check in with every day.
We share laughs, we trade advice...man, we even give shoppin' tips.
What other gang you gon' get that from?
Don't get it twisted though, just cause we a tight group that it's all fun and games here.
If you ever get in a scrap, they'll be ready to fight faster than Ann Coulter at a screening of Brokeback Mountain.
I see them wheels spinnin' like you thinkin hard.
You wanna meet some of the gang?
...Well I'm sure they wanna meet you.
XANGSTAS!!! SIGN IN!!!
 "Yo boss, lemme bum a cig off you."
This here is Steff.
I keep telling her she needs to quit.
Don't think just cause she's got a pretty face that she's not tough. You see that xanga tattoo she's got? That was done in prison with a hot wire hanger and a hefty bag. We recently broke her out of the pen - she was doing six consecutive life sentences for re-enacting Counterstrike games with real people, with actual guns.
...yeah, plus she did pelvic thrusts after every headshot.
Don't get on her bad side.
Oh, what's with the crossed fingers? That's our gang sign. Yeah.
Interweb street cred, that's us.
You can do it with two fingers on each hand, or one finger.
It's how we display our affiliation as a xangsta.
As far as I know, no other blog-gangs are identifyin themselves like we are, so if you ever are in the streets and see someone you think might be a xangsta, show 'em the sign and see if they mirror you.
Lemme introduce you to some more.
 "What up xangsta!?"
This here be my young protege, X-Quizit.
Yeah, I know he look mean...he's a sensitive guy once you get to know 'em.
He's also single if you know any nice girls.
Matter fact, introduce him to some bad girls.
This here's the Captain, he's the eccentric genius type.
 "Hey kid...you're not your job, you're not your problems...you're not your effin khakhis."
...Don't mind him, he's always quoting Fight Club. Actually, I thinkthat Chuck Persopolis guy took inspiration for Tyler Durden from him.
This is our resident fashionista, Jewelzz.
 "What it do playboi?"
I trust Jewelz with my life, and also my wardrobe.
You ever need a bulletproof pea coat or steel-toed Uggs, this is who you wanna talk to. I once saw her and a few other other xangsta girls roll on some myspace chicks for their Jimmy Choos.
It was brutal.
Ah, look who's here over here. It's our resident ladies man, C-burg.
 "What can I say? - I got game like Nintendo."
Rumor has it he invented the McRib, broke the Red Sox curse, climbed Mt. Kilamanjiro, recorded the vocals on Ashley Simpson's album, and got Lindsey Lohan addicted to drugs and men.
All in one weekend.
This here is my girl Nimbuz. She's our resident artiste'.
 "Ahh...I make it do what it do, nuthin' more, nuthin less."
She's humble. She really is an artiste'.
Hm...maybe I just like SAYING artiste'.
Anyway, she's Canadian too, so don't let her get her hand on a hockey stick - she makes Casey Jones look like a rank amateur.
You don't remember Casey Jones? From Ninja Turtles?
Oh yeah, that's right, you don't watch tv n' movies.
Kids these days.
Snap! Watch your head kid!!!
 "HIIII-YAAAAAAAAA!!!!"
Nice dodge, rook. Yeah, this here is BigShow.
Remember Morpheus from the Matrix?
Picture him, with 20% less fat, and 90% less boring dialogue.
He does like to initiate cats like you with an impromptu karate lesson though.
Ahh, the truth is here - meet my homeboy Dewey.
 "How you livin homes?"
One of the coolest dudes around here.
There's a rumor that he drank a whole bunch of Mountain Dew once and turned Super-Saiyan.
...Nah, I can't verify it.
..But I could definitely see him doing it.
Ahh...look who it is. Everyone's favorite anarchist, F-MetalBunny.
 "What you know about xangstas?"
If hanging out with her doesn't make you wanna get on some project mayhem type stuff, well you might as well apply for early retirement and get yourself a bowl of tapioca pudding.
I mean seriously, who else you ever seen look so hard with kitty ears on they hoodie?
Lemme introduce you to the xangsta's poet laureate. He goes by RougeWolf.
 "I'm like Paypal to your ebay, son - you can't work wit' out me!"
You remember Robert Frost?
Yeah?
This dude is cooler.
Heh. Cooler than frost.
...what? You don't like puns?
Oh snap! I didn't even see you there! Hey kid, this here is Ness, head of our Ninja division.
 "A true ninja is a master of themselves and their environment...especially blogging, Grasshopper."
We had a head of a pirate division, but no one's seen him in months...I think Ness took him out.
This here is one my favorite xangstas. She goes by PsychoAnalyst.
 "I'm in the house like living room furniture, kid."
She's pretty much a Jill-of-all-trades. Need to know how to write a good blog, grow a venus flytrap, or train for a marathon in a day?
Talk to her.
...and I know she looks it, but she's NOT twelve.
Lemme introduce to the resident leader of the spygames division of the Xangstas, Silenz.
 "Been arrested 42 times for stealin the show, playa!"
Remember the movie Ocean's 11? It's loosely based on a caper that he pulled off, cept he did it with five people, a chimpanzee, and a daschund.
No kidding.
This xangsta here is pretty new to the fold, but trust me, she blogs and xang-bangs with the best of 'em.
She goes by CDT.
 "Yo, who borrowed my Hello Kitty, Scarface edition wit' out askin again!??"
I ain't got it C, I bought my own off ebay.
...I hate to be that person when she finds 'em.
Ahhh...it's my main man Damien. He's proud of them new grillz he just got.
 "Man you know the Ice in my teef keep the Cristal cold!"
He's been a xangsta even longer than me.
You could learn a lot from this dude, take it from me. Loyalty speaks volumes about people, you know?
Ahh, the truth is here. This my lil shawty CrazyKatie.
 "I stay strapped like a Jansport, son!"
You know why you haven't heard anything good from Eminem in a while?
She stopped ghostwriting for him.
No, seriously.
She wrote all the lyrics to Marshall Mathers and The Eminem show on three Chili's napkins, inbetween her notes from health class, and the inside cover of a Relient K notebook.
So what do you think rook? You think you ready to roll with the Xangstas?
It ain't gonna be easy. It ain't all bulletinz and commentz here.
This is serious bidness.
I'm talkin about dedication, commitment, and the power of eprops.
I ain't sayin you can't be friends with Tom...I'm just tryin to tell you, once you become a Xangsta ain't no lookin back.
You think you got what it takes?
...Well then, welcome aboard kid.
If you ever got any questions - hit me up. You know where to find me.
**End Xangsta-voice**
Man, our posse rolls deep!
I'd like to thank EVERYONE who participated to the Xangsta cause. I don't know if I've ever been a part of such coordinated effort in the name of community and humor. You guys all outdid yourselves with the poses, outfits, grillz, the whole nine.
If you didn't realize yet, you can click on everyone's xangsta picture to visit their site...DO it, these people deserve props and lots of brand new readers, cause they're awesome.
Feel free to display this on your page if you participated in the blog...or if you're a Xangsta in spirit. :)
Dang it feels good to be a Xangsta.
I'm out like Kanye West's humility.
Current mood:
(p.s. I see a bunch of your are using your Xangsta pictures in your profile...That's fantastic.) |
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