umm decided to update again. not to much has been going on lately. hung out with lindsay and this boy gavin she was babysitting and we took him to the park sunday, which was hella fun, then went back to her house and watched some movies. and today went out for allens birthday which was cool. school is almost out thank god. dont know for sure what im doing this summer, there is alot of possibilities. i may not even be here, i may be out of town working during the week and then coming back on weekends... which will suck kinda cuz i wont be able to hang out with some people i wont be able to go party with lindsay and everyone at the house lol so idk yet. but everything will work out im sure. i hope. but yeah other than that not alots been going on, played 2 softball games this past sunday, were 2-0. my team is hella good and i have 2 more this sunday. but yeah and other than that nothin is really going on. but i dont have anything else to put on here so i guess leave me comments or not.

well what can i say? alot of shit has been going on recently and im sick and fucking tired of all of it. school is going about as good as it can be, and then shit at home isnt so hot right now. pretty much to sum it up i think my mom and my step dad are getting divorced, and it is tearing my mom apart and i hate seeing her like that. he is willing to throw her and their marriage away for bullshit reasons let the idiot, its his choice. but it still sucks for my mom. but idk thats a long ass story and some of you know it lol and i def dont feel like typing it all out on here again, so yeah umm friday night i hung out with cassie and watched some movies, then allen came over and chilled. then saturday i put some brakes on my car and changed the oil lol then later that night i hung out with nikki and watched some movies, that was fun cuz we dont ever get to do that anymore... but we can now. and then sunday i had softball practice lol and then tonight i went over to dustys and played some baseball and just chilled. so yeah i guess i had a pretty productive weekend eh? but yeah  i will update again whenever i feel like it i guess so leave me some comments..... im off like a prom dress.

i have finally decided to be happy... why be sad and shit anymore when this is so much better? yeah its true, things go from bad to worse with me, big deal!!!!! its going to be like that for the rest of my life, thats just it.... THIS IS LIFE and it about time i started living life they way i should..... i should be happy, i deserve it (at least i think) i erased what i wrote last night, because all it was was me bitching about shit I CAN change... and i should be thankful for what i have, and live like i was dying... you know? just live in the moment, and go with it... dont worry about things down the road, or whats going to happen, just wait and see.... why do anything at all, if your not going to enjoy the ride? figuratively speaking??? idk, i realized all this today when phillips came in the class room and i noticed he was happier then usual, and i missed that feeling, and i decided, fuck it its time to change, and thats what im doing......it will take some time (apperantley not to much) but im going to be ok.... hell i maybe even be more than ok..... im just read to get on with my life and look for the new things to come!!!!..... and of course i have to mention meghan, cuz shes my baby boo!!! and everyone should thank her for being the best friend anyone could have, cuz if it was not for her, i wouldnt be here today... seriously

i love you sooooo much babe, i dont know what i would do without you!!! and im not going to be an asshole to you anymore!!! you dont deserve it!

well i decided to update again this month... its a miracle lol, actually a lot of shit is going on and i just need to get it out somehow, and i guess this is one way to do it... meghan has been a big help for me during this, no one knows what im going through, but she has stuck by my side and talked to me when i needed someone to talk to... my dad has been doing shit again, like drugs and stealing shit from my grandma, and asking my sister to let him do things with women in her house, shit like that... and ive been going through this my whole life to an extent, when i was younger its was daddy had to go away for awhile, but he will be back again soon, but now that im older and i understand whats going on and what hes doing, i realize alot of things... things i didnt when i was young... and now it hurts a hell of a lot more... i needed my dad then, i need him now, needing a parent is never going to change, i will need my dad when im 20 and when im 30... now that im "growing up" things make more sense to me, and they do hurt more, his decisions effect not only me, but my grandma, sister and nephew, the ones who care about them the most, but hes not thinkin of us when he is out doing this shit, its all about him, i wish that son of a bitch would stop and think about the people who care about him and love him, and realize what its doing to us, and maybe just maybe, be man enought o admit he was fucked up and prove to us he is done with this shit but im not looking for an apology for anything from anyone, im looking for my father to be man enough to admit his mistakes, and be here when i need him the most.... i loved my dad then, i love him now, thats never going to change, but i hope the pain i feel does change... im very proud to call my dad, my dad, and one of my best friends... we will get through this...eventually (i hope) but again, meghan is really the only person who has helped me through this, and i thank you for that baby boo... you have no idea how much it helps me..... i love you

like father, like son???

R.I.P. T Jack ill miss you my friend.