1) when i am not testing, i tend to put quiet time lower on my priority list. not good
2) my thoughts are a bit more random
3) i am BURNT crisp. my nose. i hope it turns tan, but then i have this stupid line from my shorts too. gah!
4) Sarah: i can't get struck by lightning, i have a track meet. me: i...have to tell someone about Jesus. (yes heather, get with it.)
[interjection//]On my flight home, I sat next to a guy who is getting deployed to Iraq in July.  He told me I could tell the flight attendents I was his wife and then we could sit in first class and eat steak cause military flies first class free (I guess he didn't know I'm a little harder to get than that?)...but all that aside, the question nagging at me was does this guy know about Jesus - he doesn't have to fear.  I just listened to him talk. I should've said something.
[cut]
5) It is harder to study when I don't have wireless, no matter HOW bad iprisn is, it is better than dial up
6) I really really really wanna go to the beach
7) DUDE my brother bought a truck today. ironically, it is MY dream truck. jealousy. i will NOT give in

I’m studying for US History 1 right now…though, obviously I have taken a break to attempt to write down some of the thoughts in my head.  It is amazing to me how patient my loving Jesus is with me.  His mercy is new every morning.  I never cease to feel foolish. I wish I was joking, but especially being here at Verity, there are so many situations that I do not know how to handle and things that I cannot deal with.  At the end of the day, the list of mistakes I have made is far longer than the list of positives.  I say things that I immediately wish had never popped out of my mouth.  I talk about people that I love, and say things I would never say if they were around.  I hate to admit to that. I wish I could say that I never talked about people behind their back, but you know what? I do.   So many things make my heart ache here.  There is so much I want to say but can’t.  I see people who are overwhelmed, and I wish I could fix it for them, but you know what? I can’t.  And I see people I respect and admire, and I wish I had the deference and honor that they have.  God has been putting a couple of verses on my heart really heavy this week.

1) I Peter 3:2-4 - “While they behold your chaste conversation…let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.”

I know I am not meek and quiet. I talk way too much!  It is not necessarily the quantity though - it is the quality of the words I am saying that is important.  And my words aren’t communicated through a meek and quiet spirit.


2) Ecclesiastes 8:3, 5-6
3 Do not be in a hurry to leave the king's presence.
 5 Whoever obeys his command will come to no harm,
       and the wise heart will know the proper time and procedure.
 6 For there is a proper time and procedure for every matter,
       though a man's misery weighs heavily upon him.  

So often I want to rush through life, and rush into things that aren’t what God has for me right here and right now.  I want to rush from His presence and take on my own plans.  Ecclesiastes scolded me severely this morning - do NOT be in a hurry to leave the King’s presence!  Why am I?

Well, it has officially been over a month since I updated! I think that might be a record for me, but here is an even better record. I haven't even signed in more than once a week during that time!

Okay, so the updates. Well, I am in Indiana now; it's been a month, actually. I live in a nice little room *ahem* with three nice little girls - Bethany, Lauren and Liz. We make the most of our enjoyable living arrangements., and SOME people eat a lot of popcorn. ha So yeah, onto business. I have six hours down, I passed the Analyzing and Interpreting Lit CLEP test last Saturday. I'm studying for the the English Lit test right now, and I'm scheduled to take it next Friday. It is a lot of work, and a lot of study, but I think I will adjust. The only thing I'm not REALLY into is the super early mornings, but it is good for me. Oh and guys up here are rude. Going to wal mart or the mall is the most eye opening experience, the guys up here have no manners and no tact - they would flirt with a fencepost.

Anyway, about Verity... it has been interesting, I have had to adjust a lot, but that is just part of it. God is very faithful. Two weeks ago, a group of us stopped in downtown Chicago to eat pizza at Giordano's. Some guys broke into our vans and took five laptops and three backpacks. They took my camera backpack, which included my 70-200mm lens, my cables, card reader, iPod, cd's, my bible, and all the warranties for my electronic stuff. It also had bank papers in it for activating my debit card. That has been the hardest thing that has happened here. My initial response was to cry, and say "Thank You, Lord." These guys took the most important things to me and sold it for crack, but thank you. What else do you say? When you're in schock, where else can you even think abut turning? It doesn't help to be mad, the stuff is long gone. But after it sank in more, I admit I was pretty mad. :) None of those things are necessities though. I lived without that lens for a year. I have another bible, one I use a lot, actually, so a lot of my notes are in it. And I wanted a bigger iPod anyway. I just found out a couple days ago that I will be able to replace everything that was taken thanks to my parents and insurance money, and I'm thrilled. I was not planning or expecting that at all. :)

This song has meant a lot to me while I have been here...

Life is easy when you're up on the mountain
And you've got peace of mind like you've never known.
But then things change and you're down in the valley.
Don't lose faith for you're never alone.
For the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night.
You talk of faith when you're up on the mountain.
Oh but the talk comes easy when life's at its best.
But it's down in the valley of trials and temptation
That's when faith is really put to the test.
But the God on the mountain is still God in the valley.
When things go wrong, He'll make it right.
And the God of the good times
is still God in the bad times.
The God of the day is still God in the night...

         I had my retainers adjusted today, and they kind of a hurt. Enough that I don't want to eat. That almost never happens.  Got the rest of the clothes I need to take to school with me this weekend, and some other dorm roomish stuff today. A week from today I get to go stay with Emily for a night (YES! :) and then I am flying to Florida for the rest of the week.  I cannot WAIT to see Amanda, I'm so excited! In case I have never mentioned it, she is one of my best friends. Not best friend like ~bff oh my! But like a real, funny, amazing, awesome friend that you feel honored to know....  The office is really cold right now.  I can't believe I will leave in a month.  I approach things very, factually? I don't know the word.  But I just take it as a fact and something that must be dealt with. Emotions do not play a deciding factor in the long run, because there is a right and wrong path, and the right and best one must be taken. It is all black and white. This is a black and white thing. I know I am supposed to go there, but that does not mean for one minute that I want to move to Indiana.  What if I lose my accent! I know it will be fun, and perfect, because it is exactly where God wants me. And the time is right. And what's more, I'll come home for fall/winter break, spring break, summer...in fact, I'll finish, and probably come back home at least for a little while when I'm out. If I make it out! But I know it won't be the same. It's not like I haven't ever been away from home for a while, and my mom still makes my snack every day when I get home from work while I watch Blues Clues.  Not at all.  But am I supposed to be a grown up now? I just turned 18 last thursday.  People are still asking me what grade I am going to be in.  I guess I still look 15 or 16.   I still walk into doorframes, and lose everything. At any rate, it (it being, umm?) springs upon one quite fast.  Soon I'll have to buy my own tooth paste. And other things too. I can think of ways to save on toothpaste, but my roommate and others who get too close might not understand it.  I might start keeping up with my toothbrushes though, because the rate at which I currently lose them could be very expensive. 

You know really, it is all good. Wonderful. Beatiful. I"M SO EXCITED!  I think I just told a lie though.  It is okay though, I am just thinking about it too much today, that is all.

ps. I am pretending like I don't care. :) Because most of the time I don't think so pessmistically! And I don't like it when mom and dad and Sarah cry, and when Sharon says she doesn't want me to leave.