Currently Listening Bullet By Mat Kearney Renaissance see related

alright so everyone got a big laugh heck i even laughed.......i really find it amussing that i make a mistake and people hold on to it forever......someone else does....and oh well.....ya know lets let it slide.......but ya know who cares......cause honestly im really not offended and im finding more humor in it than anything.....and lets be honest.....if you think im a liar then you dont know me at all......which hey im cool with .......but my real friends know im not......and its not half as bad as its being made out to sound......and dont act like you've never done it to some one else......because this is what it feels like.......and im not pointing people out here but if this bothers you then look at yourself......anyone....including me cause its bothering me as i type....yeah i have a lot of flaws.....and as Christians.....when we wrong each other we're meant to forgvie i can point out countless bible verses on  it and if you really want me to i'll list them in my next entry......and like i said....i do stupid things.......i say stupid things.......and i dont pay attention to myself sometimes......WE ALL DO.....realize that......and for people whinning about me wronging them......i'm sorry......now let it go......i felt bad.....ok.....and again this is directed at everyone that will read this.......let me give you a perfect example......my best friends gma died over christmas break and i was no where to be found......I SUCK......OK?!?.......im a horrible individual........but this is no hidden fact......lets look at my track record.......i'm a jerk.......this can be seen when i told one of my best friends i wasnt sure i could date her because she wasnt a virgin that was my freshman year of college........sometimes i'm not close to God.......this can be seen in everytime i forget to read my bible or everytime i decide i dont want to be a youth pastor and i want to do something else........i say stupid things......if you've ever been in a car with me for more than 10 minutes you've seen my road rage and you understand.......i do stupid things......I.E. apparently i lead girls on with out knowing it....and apparently i just straight dont think about things before i do it..........i have a crappy approach to somethings......this approach consists of me thinking its easier to ask forgiveness than permission........which im finding is not always the case.......but lets be honest....returning back to this.....everyone has flaws.....everyone pisses someone off.....no matter what you think.....and everyone has done, said, or acted stupid.....sometimes i lose my head.....and yes this post is more directed at me......heck ask Aaron.....the two of us have snapped on each other more than once and i still love him like my brother.......or Miah......we have screwed each other over many times.......all hopefully not intentional.....and i still love him.....I know i do things that piss Mike off.......but he's my brother too and i love him......my suggestion for 2006 is we learn to forgive and quick....cause ya never know who will be there in the morning and who wont......i'm finding this out quickly too......nothing is really a definate....as sad as that sounds.....we live in a very inconsistant world and most of us have been taught by our parents, leaders, politicians, and other social figures that inconsistances are ok........i you're someones friend....be their friend.....even when they wrong you.......i've been trying lately to stop talking bad about people.......and if i have something horribly negative to say i let them know.....sometimes not always in the most graceful of ways........but again.......i'm at fault here.....not anyone else.......i on side note......i also propose not wearing white tshirts while eating salsa in 2006.............im a mess right now.....and just realized it.......look bottom line i need to be nicer to people.......we as a body of Christ need to be nicer to one another.......and think before we do and say things......so i'm sorry for hurtful TXTS....IMS....PHONE CALLS....CONVERSATIONS.....ACTIONS.......BLOGS........THINGS I DIDNT DO......i appologize......to everyone reading this as a whole......and i'm working on being a better person.......and thats how i really feel

Word Life

zac

Currently Gaming Prince of Persia: Warrior Within By UBI Soft see related

FINALY,

THE KRUTCH,

HAS COME BACK,

TO,

XXXAAANNNGGGAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaa.......

now lets be real honest here.......2005 was a pretty stellar year for most of us.....and i'd like to leave you with a few of my top 5 lists

CD's purchsed.......

5. Mae - The ever glow

4. Coheed and Cambria- IV

3.Copeland- In Motion

2.Death Cab For Cutie- Plans

1. Dangerdoom- The man and the mouse

Movies........

5. The Chronicles of Narnia (barely making it in)

4. The Corpse Bride (tim burton never fails)

3. The Stewie Griffin Movie

2. The Longest Yard

1. Sin City (yes i saw it....yes i loved it....no dont watch it)

TV moments....

5. Arrested development getting a third season

4. UFC inks SPYKE TV deal

3. TNA gets a TV contract

2. Tribute to Eddie Guerrero

1. not one....but two new seasons of the Family Guy

Memories......

5. seeing the face of my big brother after his baby was born

4.Aaron living here

3.Mexico

2. Senior High Camp

1. Brian Telling me if i speak to her again im an idiot

Moments

5. Mexico

4. Realizing God loves me no matter what

3. watching P.H. leave

2. Seeing certian people happy

1. P.T. taking over as youth pastor

me.....

5. my euro hawk......i dont care what anyone says....

4. being punk again for halloween

3.being dead for fall blaze

2.the jeans karen made me

1.discovering people think i have great eyes

Videogames.....

5. Madden 06 (precission passing all i gotta say)

4.Halo2 (so many wasted hours)

3. Fable/ Knights of the Old Republic 2(yes i had a tie)

2. WWE smackdown vs Raw 2005(but wait....is there more?)

1. God of War.........rent it....buy it.....play it .......do something you gotta

Warning this one no one will care about......

TOP WRESTLING MOMENTS......

5. Cena winning belt/ Batista Winning belt.....same night

4. Being shot down by my best friend to see it in cleveland

3. Raven finally holding a worlds title

2.THE WHOLE X DIVISION....enough said......

1. Remembering Eddie

BACK TO NORMAL....

Worst of 05......

5. Not having a 04 05 NHL season

4.Battle of the schools......we all know it will be soooo much better this year

3. every little mistake made

2.anything to do with celebraty drama....and yes i spelled it the way i wanted......

1. My Yankees owning all of Major League Baseball and still not winning the Championship

Injuries.....

5. Fracturing my foot playing football early in the year

4. the last concusion that left me really messed up

3. having Francel rip my should out of the shocket at junior high camp

2. getting choked out and then blacking out to a submission hold i taught Aaron

1. Getting rockbottomed through a table At Reality Awards 2k5

thats it for now...if you have any requests for more top fives let me know and i'll do my best to fill them out........................................................................................................................

RELEASE BREATHE NOW

WORD LIFE

ZAC

(another story loosely based.......that means its not all true)

i miss you tons...i wish i had you here to stay warm with and look at the stars.....yeah its cold out....but at least we could keep each other warm and do something that isnt the same without you....i meant every word i said.....i dont get to see her a lot but she means the world to me.....and i dont think she'll ever understand.....we've been  friends for years....and we've both watched each other have our hearts ripped out and trampled on and the worst part of all of it is i missed my chance......the hardest part of our friendship has been knowing i did the trampling at one point....and since then.....i've found it pretty hard to live with any time she talks to another guy.....see there was this one summer.....and it all kind of started on a park swing....it wasnt summer yet....at least when it all started....she came home from school one weekend.....and called....it might have been spring break...i really cant remember.....she asked if i wanted to hang out....we hadnt seen each other forever....i had dated a stupid crazy girl and she dated this guy that didnt care to much for me.....i offered a movie....but she said she wanted to play....so we went to swing....and it was a blast....i hadnt had much time to be a kid....since highschool anyway....we stayed in that park for about two hours.....talking, appologizing, not sure about a lot of things.......and much the same way every visit home goes she went back to school......and we went back to talking online and on the phone....it was funny.....because those swings might not have meant anything to her....but i could have spent the rest of my days on those swings with her.....conversations always turned to me realizing i loved her more ......and then summer came.....and it started perfect......like the summers you read about and see in movies.....ya know the ones where the two friends do everything together......even visit old friends.....and joke about them.....and the past......but it started with one of our favorite bands....and meeting new people.....her roommate at school wanted us to go to a show with her....we were so worried we wouldnt make it....the breaks on my car went out and they decided that by the time we got to where we were going they had just wanted to explode.....but non the less the concert was amazing....and her roommate was amazing.....and the night was amazing....perfect how could this get any better.....her roommates name was Tara.....good girl.....histarical.....anyway...after the show we decided to try to get waffles....or pancakes.....whatever there was breakfast food on the menu....so she got in Taras car and they had girl time....i'll never know if they spoke a word about me......but she was grins when i saw her again at the resturaunt....unfortunately due to our nievity of resturaunt hours management had already closed up.....so we ate fast food in the parking lot.....and laughed.......which i later found out that she had left her french fries in my car....very later.....some time later she would call me after we both got off work.....again i suggested a movie.....she suggested grocery shopping for her parents.....but first coffee....somewhat of an obssession of both of ours....ironically, one of my best friends at the time was working......and one of my least favorite people......the crazy ex girlfriend.....to which we had some good laughs....and i fell more in love with her......and i thought that was all i could for one day.....who falls in love twice in one day with the same person right?.....we went shopping....only to be asked by a guy i knew when i got married....i laughed and my heart melted.....i was smiling and she knew it but i was trying to hide it......the lady at the cash register thought that the massive amount of food was a lot for two newly weds.....again i laughed....and told her they were just for her parents......i wondered what she would have thought if i told her yea but we eat big.......and then i had a laps of sanity......i decided that night that no matter how in love i was with this girl that i could never tell her and we would never be more than friends.....apparently that night i would find out she decided otherwise.....i started to take interest in another girl at that point....to take my mind of her....to push her to the back burner.....and it failed....miseribly.....we went and saw a movie one night and i looked at her and told her refering to the movie i dont understand how two people can have so much fun and not be together.......and the look she gave me about killed me....she looked at me with the most sincere eyes i had ever seen and smiled and went back to watching the movie......a couple nights later i was a stupid boy.....i hate guys that did what i did.....i kissed her....and then told her i had feelings for someone else....to make it  worse i did it under the stars.....and she walked away.....it was nearly a week before she would talk to me again....i have this way of pissing her off....and i'll never understand why she comes back to me and decides to speak to me again.....i would later find out that the grocery night.....she started to fall for me....and the following weeks were terrible.....we both went out of town for a while and i got back to find out she had met someone....and really liked him.....i fought tears back and smiled and told her i was happy for her.....which honestly if he would treat her well i would have been....as heartbroken as i was i kept smiling every time she talked about him.....then more time went on....and she went back to school and what started off as such a perfect summer ended in a train wreck of heartache....and i would be happy for her as long as she was happy.....it was a rule.....as long as the other one was happy.....we would be too.....and then there came another girl....and apperently she saw things in her i didnt.....and she told me from the get go i would get hurt....but i didnt listen....and i was in shock when she told me i had to be at her birthday party....and in my own fashion was the first one there....and helped her decide if her hair was good or not....because thats how we are....and before anyone got there.....i fell in love with her again.....i hugged her and then fought to find a slow song.....and we started to dance....it was short lived and interupted but we danced....in her living room....and my heart stopped.....and her eyes were beautiful....and i fell for her again....then i met that guy ....and he looked like a friend from highschool....and i thought he was a good guy....and she got hurt by him later....and i was still there....but then just when i thought i might have a chance again......the ex that hated me came out of no where and blindsided me like a linebacker rushing an undefended quarterback......and i nearly quit.....but i fell in love with her when we went to see a movie over her thanksgiving break.....when i realized that the movie was exactly how i felt.....so a couple weekes went by and i decided that since she was away i would send her a message over the computer.....i miss you tons....i wish i had you here to stay warm and look at the stars....yeah its cold out....but we could keep each other warm and do something that isnt the same without you......that message started something new and the rest is history....."will i read it in a book?"...."no you wont read it in a book"...."well how did we get here?"....i looked over at her....."ummmm i'll tell you that story next christmas eve get to bed.....or Santa won't come"....."but dad....."...."gooooo"....they reluectantly went up to bed....and i grabbed her hands and we prayed.....for our family...friends....one another....and thanked God we got to spend one more holiday together....i kissed her and we headed up stairs to start to bring down the kids presents..........

my next story will be different than the last two.....longer and perhaps back to dark.....we'll see......happy holidays everyone.....

Word Life

zac