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| I spent all weekend struggling with posting this blog for two reasons. First of all, writing this blog admitted that something happened that I didn’t want to admit. Secondly, some people read this that were more closely affected by this event than I was. But after agonizing all weekend, I have decided to put this up. I am not doing this for sympathy or anything. This is pure therapy for myself. Friday afternoon a soul passed into eternity. Every moment of every day since nearly the beginning of time this has been happening. Why was this passing so special? This was my friend Gary. Over the past few days I have tried to count the ways that this man was involved in my life and I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface. He was actively involved in my life for as long as I could remember. He was my Sunday school teacher, my school counselor, an elder at my church, my friend’s dad, my youth group kids’ dad, a fellow leader at church, a co-mission trip leader, and most recently and most importantly, a friend. Most would probably say that he lost his year long battle with cancer last week. I know that he won, because he is in better place. But, really, right now I only say I know that he won because that is how I am supposed to feel. I am so frustrated and angry with this whole situation. How can a man who faithfully served God his whole life just die with so little fanfare? I am mad at people and the entire situation, and most importantly and suprising to myself, I am mad at God. Really, a blog can only scratch the surface of what’s going on right now. I haven’t stop crying for a few days now. Deep down inside I know I need to be strong and I couldn't’t really tell you why I am affected so badly by this. I think seeing him for the last time on Thursday night brought up some super strong emotions regarding my dad’s passing in 04. So, I guess I would rather leave you with a few good things about Gary, rather than just a rant about my stupid feelings at this point. And the only way I can think to do it right now is like this: To Gary, To a man who was never short on kind words, apt criticism, funny (not so funny at times) jokes, and love for God. To a man who loved his family so much that no one could deny it. To a man who opened his arms wide to an entire community and loved them all equally, showing love to some people who had never would have known it otherwise. To a man who stood too close, sang too loud, and never backed down. To a man who loved to fish, hunt, and talk about it loudly to those of us who were grossed out by it. To a man who is now living on the other side of eternity, something he always talked about doing.
Cheers, friend, cheers. | | |
| Good evening and welcome! I just got home from a fairly good day at work. Annoying students and professors aside, I made it through and was pretty productive. I have begun to track how much work I do in a day and that is making me have a better perspective on my job.
I got a neat compliment from one of my coworkers today. (I don't get compliments from anyone but this one person so I try to relish them all I can.) She told me that she thinks I would be a great life coach. It is kind of funny, because I kind of always thought that it would be awesome to be one. How cool would it be to be able to dispense advice to people on a daily basis and get paid for it? Not listen to their problems really, just get stuff in order for them to change their lives for the direction that they want to go. But, on the other hand, I am not sure anyone would take advice from me. ;) Maybe I should just stick to consulating people on comma usage. I can no longer advise on semicolons as my semicolon license has been revoked. *sigh*
In related news, I have taken on a rather major project that I am pretty excited about. I really can't wait to see how things turn out with this.
On a semi-sad note, I don't think I can buy my motorcycle right now. I have the money but just found out that my brother is getting a job in my town and needs a place to stay. We really need more room, so I need to step up the house buying project as soon as possible. The positive side of this is that I will get my house faster and I think my brother and mom will want to contribute to the payments. Yay.
well, that is all for now. I have some work to do and I need to watch Mythbusters and Top Chef. Curses for putting two shows I want to watch back to back.
See ya! | | |
| Hola! Happy Cinco De Mayo and Joey's Birthday! What a great night! I am really thankful to have a cool group of people to hang out with...and Dan. *shout out* While I would love to spend an entry talking about my coworkers, I would actually rather update you on another aspect of my life. In less than a year, I will be turning 30 (or as my stupid fingers just typed, 320). 30 is kind of a big deal. I really have a lot to do before that happens. I would like to share my list with you. I am trusting you all enough not to laugh at me. I would love to be able to say that I completed my list
Here goes:
1.) Go on a spur of the moment motorcycle trip.
2.) Have an 80's dance party.
3.) Take dance or singing lessons.
4.) Go to a concert.
5.) Do something completely new and out of character for myself. (Any ideas)
6.) Cook a huge dinner for friends or family.
7.) Buy something completely frivolous for over $100.
8.) Send random money to someone who needs it.
9.) Play in the rain.
10.) Hide for an entire weekend without people, cell, or computer.
11.) Ask someone for help if I need it. Ask someone for a big favor.
12.) Buy a cute stranger a drink.
13.) Buy myself flowers. (Unless I get them from someone else...:))
14.) Indulge in a day (or two) of complete silence. (Me and outside noise too.)
15.) Go to a drag show.
16.) Tell someone I love them that I have never told before.
17.) Buy an outfit that is outside of my normal 'uniform'.
18.) Adopt a family for christmas and buy them gifts.
19.) Be brutally honest with a friend.
20.) Read 5 classic books that I have never read.
21.) Spend the night talking to someone important.
22.) Tell someone one of my 'deep and dark' secrets.
23.) Take my mom to Vegas.
24.) Do something overtly nice for someone I don't care for. :)
25.) Paint a big piece of art for my living room. Is there any place on this list that you see that you can help me with? | | |
| This is Weekend Update and I'm Beth Kerkove. Many exciting events happened over the last few days and I can't possibly touch on all of them. But, guess what? I am going to try to anyway. Friday night was awesome. It has been awhile since I got to just sit around and veg without homework or something looming over my head. It was nice, just spending time watching TV and catching up on some stuff. Off to bed early. Nice. Saturday I had a date with 11 coworkers. Well, actually it was 6 coworkers and some special others. haha. I am pretty sure Katrina's and Amy's husbands were on a heck of a man date. haha. We went to this cool Japanese restaurant. Last time I went, I was the only one out of a group of 18 to eat swordfish. This time 5 others ate it too! Either I am a trendsetter or just have super cool friends. It was a great meal with some great company.
After that Alaina and I headed to Barnes for some reading. I sat down with a book after parting ways with her. Uh-maz-ing. Really, the book was telling me things that no one has ever said to me before. I really needed to hear them. I sat in the store and read the whole thing. Pretty (can't spell phenomenal) awesome. Upon leaving I picked up two more books. This one book that I picked up, Miss Invisible, was so right on the money about my life. It seriously was about a 29 year old with all of my same problems. I just finished it about 10 minutes ago. Someone wanted me to read it this week. I am very jazzed about my life. After all the book shopping, I ran to the motorcycle shop to ogle some bikes and then headed home to start reading. Awesome. I got up early this morning and headed to my old church for a visit. It is always a little odd to go back. I feel like an outsider, only now I have reason to. My own aunt walked right past me. In her defense, I did look rather stunning today, so she might have mistaken me for someone else. Then this afternoon I forced my mom outside and we headed to the local park for some sunshine and fresh air. Now, I have a sunburn. Dang it. I do believe in Global Warming Mr. Quayle. I was so cold this morning I couldn't get out of bed and now I have sunburn. Oh, the humanity. The best part about spring? Well, it is a two fold best part. First of all the lilacs bloom. They always remind me of my mom. She loves them so much. I remember as a kid I would constantly pick them and bring them home for her. I still do! Then, when the lilacs bloom that means the moral mushrooms are out. That reminds me of my daddy. I don't remember a spring growing up that didn't include tramping around the country side looking for those mushrooms. My dad actually held the record in Illinois for the biggest one for awhile. Isn't that just so awesome that those two things go together so well. Just like Mom and Dad always did. Gosh, I miss him. Well, this is one long blog post. Give yourself a pat on the back and five Beth points if you made it all the way through. And if you skimmed down through it, you must be a fellow writing consultant and to that I say "good job". For Weekend Update, I'm Beth Kerkove have a good night and a pleasant tomorrow. | | |
| Friday night update.
I have a lot to say and so little time. So, I give you a Friday Night Bulleted List. 1.) Work is actually going very well. I know that every time I say something positive about work it sounds like I am shocked. Well, i guess I am. I am really afraid that all of the sudden I am going to start hating my job and my coworkers or they will hate me. So far that isn't happening. Actually, I am beginning to bond fairly well with them. I spend a lot of time hanging out and just having a generally good time.
2.) Negative part of work. My buddy Alicia just moved away. What a bummer. I mean, technically she is still an Ashford employee. But, she is now halfway across the world. So, sad. She gets married in a few weeks. That is pretty exciting. I really can't wait to see her! (PS. AL, I have a list of songs for the wedding. Ha.)
3.) Tomorrow I am going to a few open houses in the morning, having a fantastic lunch with some coworkers and then going motorcycle shopping. A friend at work today asked me what I wanted a motorcycle or a house. I simply replied with "I want it all." I do. I want the house, the hog, the family, and the career. I really just want to get myself ready for the next phase in my life. I have been looking into some very cool options to make that happen too. So exciting.
4.) I just realized that this isn't a bulleted list, but a numbered list. And apparently I cared enough to make another section dedicated to my error. Go. Me.
5.) Grad school is going well. I may or may not have lost my book for this class though. It is making my homework a little slower than usual. I really need to spend less time updating my web-spaces and more time working on that.
6.) Do you think that times of contentment may the most dangerous for our spiritual life? I am battling with this right now. I have everything I need and really where does that leave God? I really need to get my life right again...but something is holding me back.
7>) i needed a number 7 since it is such a good number. I leave you with a quote "If it were not for hope, the heart would break." Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.
-Beth | | |
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