thelategreatbk's Xanga

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Sat, 12 Jul 2008 12:25:11 GMT

Weekend Update

With Beth K.

I had a blast at ‘work’ yesterday. We got to go down to the cities, bowl, play some games and enjoy each other’s company. It was really fabulous. And I got to spend some time getting to know people on the other side of the office. I really never knew there was anyone over there. ;)

After that I got to hang out with my girls for an extended afternoon. Amazing! I even squeezed in a nap before dinner. By the time I got home, I was ready for bed. So I skipped out on other activities and went to sleep. I just woke up to a JW at the door. Missed him by seconds. I always want to talk to a couple of them.

I really need to go to church this weekend. Although, my options may be limited in this area. I really want to go to Harvest Bible Chapel in Davenport, but I am waiting on a friend from work to go with me there. Anyone up for church or have any suggestions where? Tonight won’t work as I am hanging out with the family. I need a good sermon and some good worship. Nice people won’t hurt either. All suggestions welcome.

The political arena is heating up and I am getting more and more excited. I will write more about this later, but this will be the first time I have voted outside my party! J w00t.

Alright, off to eat pizza rolls for brunch and then working on my budget.

-Beth

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Wed, 09 Jul 2008 18:01:55 GMT

Quick prayer requests if you have a minute. J

Tomorrow is the day I remove my offer on my house. I love this house, perfect, etc… However, the owners are having issues and as such have not signed the paperwork on the offer. I put the offer in two weeks ago and I am scared that they will not accept even after all the time and energy I put into it. Pray for wisdom and clarity on my part and the ability to do what I know is right. But, also, pray for the family and the issues they are having.

In addition, I did something I know was wrong. I have asked for forgiveness from God for it. I have taken all the proper steps to make sure the action will never happen again. However, I haven’t asked for forgiveness from the people on the other end. Pray for me and them.

Finally, I am sick. Just not handling stress well. Please pray for healing of mind, body and soul.

Thanks. You all rock. Except you. You need to stop creeping around here. Oh, what the heck, you can stay. You bring my life flavor.

-Beth

Monday, July 07, 2008

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 18:01:19 GMT

Recently my best rants have come about during work hours. Normally, I keep them to myself, but not today. I really will try my hardest not to offend anyone, but I can't guarantee that. Also, this post is not meant as a rhetorical question, please if you can offer any insight to this situation, do so! Via email, comment, or whatever! I even appreciate phone calls! :)

I have always prided myself on my relationships. Not only can I forge relationships fairly quickly, but more often than not, they become long term bonds. I like to be the person that brings people together and is really considered a good friend.

Over the last couple of years, I haven't been handed many opportunities to do that. But, at my places of employment I have found many friendships. I still am in contact with friends from the Radio Group and I have a lot of buddies from my time as here at Ashford. I have made a select few friends from church as well. I really enjoy the fact that I have read people fairly well and am very intuitive. With that being said, these last six months-a year have SUCKED with relationships. I do not know what is wrong with me, but I have been, I don't know, off.

Let me use this as an example. This isn't to make anyone mad or embarrassed, just to prove my point. There are a couple of people at my current job that I consider friends. We've done some stuff together outside of work and really just get a long for the most part. Well, the other day, one of them jokingly lied to me. I believed it. We laughed at the whole situation, because the person has a hard time lying without laughing. When I asked why they could lie to me with a straight face I was told it was because she was comfortable around me. Hm. Would be interesting if it was an isolated incident, but alas, it was not.

The other friend told me (semi-quote) that it was my fault he picked on me and is mean to me because I was nice to him when I first met him. Now, he feels comfortable enough to treat me badly. huh?

Also, I feel like all the relationships at my church ended when I left a year ago. I am so mad at how things are being run there, I just can't bring myself to separate the church as a whole from the individual members. This weekend I went to a wedding of a friend that used to attend my church. A couple of old friends were there and that was nice, but the people from the church were either absent physically or emotionally. It was kind of a huge let down.

I seriously just feel like all my relationships are out of control. I feel like nothing is on my terms. I'm hurt, angry, and scared. I just need to be able to express all of these feelings to these people and get things fixed, but I am not being allowed that luxury right now. I feel disrespected, alone, and unwanted. Great way to feel, huh?

I don't have the opportunity to make any new friends, the current ones are...well, weird, and my old near and dears are so far away that I never get to see them. Out of all the things in my life relationships were always controllable. Now, they are not.

I guess I have a couple of ideas, if you are still reading, I would love to bounce them off of you.

-My relationships with people are a direct reflection of my relationship with God. It is no secret that God and I are at a stand still right now. It started when I left the church last year and came to a head with Gary passing away. Maybe my ability to make friends and keep them has been taken away until I get that relationship right?

-Maybe I ran through my lifetime supply of possible friendships too early in my life. Now, the rest of my life will be lived alone with my cats and hopefully a puppy. (This is not being taking a shot at being funny, either.)

-I guess I shouldn't have used bullets, because I only have two ideas. Dang it.

Does this make sense to anyone? Can anyone help me? Clarity? Vision? Peanut butter cookies?

-Beth

FYI

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:16:12 GMT

Nothing shows the true signs of a mental breakdown quite like sitting at your desk and crying. I have so much to say...and I can't really say it on here. Let's just say this: I am frustrated, angry, hurt, and completely ready to make some rash decisions. I definately need some time away this weekend. And that is just what I am going to get. Don't message, don't call the phone, I am going to be MIA. I might be back on Monday. But, don't count on it. (Also, don't count on me wanting to be your friend when I get back either. I am hoping I won't care about you any more on Monday.)

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Sat, 21 Jun 2008 11:06:44 GMT

Ok so just a few things before I go conquer wii tennis.
-My dreams last night were very mood swingy. First, I dreamt that one of my coworkers quit. She came over to my cube and hugged me goodbye and said that we all knew this wasn't going to work and just left. I was so upset. I went to talk to our 'new' boss and tell him I missed our old boss, my cubemates, and my coworker and that I couldn't work anymore. He told me a joke and told me to man up. I woke up with tears on my face. Sheesh.
Then I dreamt that I was in a house. which I figured to be my new house. There was a terrible storm a-brewin'. (notice how the a- makes it sound worse.) I simply went to my basement. I felt so safe and content. I do not feel that way at my current place. Yay.
-Speaking of a house. I have been stalking one. Simply put, it is perfect. I am praying for it and today I am starting a fast for it. I just pray that it is the one. I really hope that isn't selfish, given the current relationship I have with God. But, I figured I prayed for a friend's sport team's pitcher's MRI yesterday, I guess a house isn't too far off the mark. :)
-Also, I am in consolidate mode. I don't understand it. But, I am already trying to pack everything I don't need right now and throw lots of stuff away. I know it could be months before I move...but then again it could be weeks. So I want to be ready.
-My family reunion is tomorrow and I am not dreading it. Maybe it is because I got a completely random text from one of my brothers saying he was proud of me. Could it be? Maybe I am white sheep of the family. :)
A few countdowns and random numbers for you.
-48 days until the Beijing Summer Olympics. Yay!
-It has been 1 year, 2 weeks since I left radio.
-It has been 1 year, 6 days since I started at Ashford.
-6 days until I see Vanilla Ice in Chicago
-4 months, 4 days until I see NKOTB in Chicago.
-27 days until Hellboy II and Journey to The Center of The Earth Come out.
-3 hours until my eye appointment, 3 days until my dental appointment, 4 days until my meeting with my mortgage officer, 4 days until my bowl-off against Paul in Maintenance.
-and 30 seconds until I sign off. Thanks for reading. Peeeeacceee.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 21:27:49 GMT

I am going to preface this entry with acknowledging that no one that knows me would nominate me for the sanest person award. I understand that when you first meet me I may have a few pet issues and from time to time those issues snowball into full blown volumes. Understood. With all that said, I have been feeling crazy lately! I do not know what it is. It isn't even mood swings or anything like that. I have felt some paranoia and self-loathing. A pretty exciting combination. I really can't afford to have a crazy melt-down right now either. I am used to being surrounded by people I love and that love me. I am not in such a warm loving environment right now. Nope, I am in the real world of cut-throat coworkers who are nice to your face and are talking about you behind your back. (Allegedly.) I am in the world of not trusting anyone and wanting to trust everyone. Ahh! Stress.
On top of that, nothing is working out in my favor right now. Ugh. I have a couple of things on the back burner that don't look like they are moving to the front burner anytime soon. Dang it. Frustration!
On top of that stress, it is June and we know what that means. Family reunion time. I am somewhat excited this year because we have a few surprise guests coming in to town. I just always get bent out of shape when people feel sorry for me, the screw up.
I really just need about a week off and a hot tub. I can't fix the week off...but I think I might try to take the weekend off.
Well, my stomach is growling and my phone is beeping. One of the two things are going to get attended to. Better see who called!

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 21:13:43 GMT

Brides, Babies, Books, and Blasts from the Past.

Before the big storm hits tonight, I decided to do a little update. It has been a long, full weekend and I want to get a bit down before I decide to turn off for the night.
Today I had two showers after church. One for Buster and one for Sarah. Buster, I mean Brittany, is getting married in August. I am more and more impressed, though not surprised, with how she is becoming such a beautiful, poised young woman. I love that kid. :) Sarah and her husband Randy are having a baby girl in July. I really just love that whole family and I love to see them and catch up!
As far as books go, I spent a little bit of time in the SBC library and picked up a couple of good books to read on some topics I am dealing with. More to talk about that later. I just think it's a really good idea to spend some time reading and getting some knowledge under my belt before making any decisions. Does that make sense?
I got some good advice from a somewhat unexpected source too. This person probably didn't even really think they were giving advice, just explaining a life philosophy. I appreciated it very much and found it very applicable to my situation.
All in all, a great weekend. With some minor annoyances, which are to be expected with the lot I am dealing with. Overall, a really well paced, heck of a good time. I feel ready to take on the week of work ahead of me.
And for now, I am heading to my room to wait for the storms. Yay! Thunder, lightening, and 60 to 80 mph winds. Have a great one!

you'll never know...

Sat, 07 Jun 2008 11:43:15 GMT

Happy Saturday!
I get to spend the day today paying some bills, playing with my nephews, buy asome schtuff, and blogging. Can you ask for a better day? Well, it is going to be very hot. That is definately a negative side!
In other news, my plans were kind of different than I planned last night. But, they turned out pretty good. My phone completely died and missed out meeting some people but I got to spend some time with Anna. We went to the greek fest in Davenport and then headed out to meet some of her friends in the middle of the country. haha. It was a good time. I was so tired driving home that I was falling asleep at the wheel. Reminds me of the good times at the radio group. :)
Also, this may mean something to some of you and nothing to others. But, last night I got to spend a little time talking to God. Yeah, Him and I have been at odds for a little while over some stuff. But, we talked a bit last night. So that is a start.
Finally, I just got my head and heart right about some stuff that was going on. I put it in it's proper place and made some decisions. yay! Pretty stoked about that. I am excited about getting back to basics on some stuff. Re-learning and acting on it.
Well, alright. Time to do my grown up responsibilty things. Until next time!

Thursday, June 05, 2008

Thu, 05 Jun 2008 22:43:15 GMT

Good evening friends,
I haven't been at liberty to update for a few days. So here is a bulleted post for you before I go to do homework.
-Tonight was bowling. This had to have been, hands down, the worst I have bowled. And I even, wait for it, threw the ball backwards at one point. Yeah, it was monumentally embarassing. But, I went from there to throw a strike and break the light in our lane. I. am. fabulous.
-School is going well. I am holding a solid 3.0. That is much better than I did in my undergrad program.
-I may have found the house that I want. I am so excited about it. I don't know how it looks inside...so I am going to see it tomorrow. :) Yay.
-I have a friendship with a person right now. Every single day I feel inadequate in this relationship. It seems no matter how hard I try I fail to be a good friend. In related news, I think I will quit trying. :) Maybe that will help.
-It is extremely sad that this is on the front page of the local paper:
Raccoon escapes burning pile of pallets. Yeah, I live in Podunk, IA. Sheesh.
-Can I ask a favor? Will you pray for me? I am going through some weird stuff right now. I am completely ill-equipt to handle this. If you get a chance, just lay down a prayer for me. Thanks.
Well, I have homework to do, so I will do that. I just wanted you to know I am still here. Barely.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Thu, 29 May 2008 23:04:57 GMT

While I should be doing homework...

I am blogging. Of course, just needed to catch you up with a few things.
1.) I am quite annoyed with Beth K as of late. I have been making a lot of stupid choices in my life. For the love of pete, I am 29 years old and I know much better. Even when I make the said mistake, I feel instantly guilty. So the majority of the last few months have consisted of making mistakes, feeling guilty, and apologizing. But, I am really not learning my lesson, I just keep doing these stupid things. I think this is Phase two in becoming the scary Camanche cat lady: make everyone hate you for your poopy attitude and bad behavior. My plan is going swimmingly.
2.) I am in a bowling league. Yeah, pretty social of me actually. And, we aren't horrible. I mean, really, we aren't good, but we could be worse. (I am really bothered by the fact that I do not care about the punctuation in that last sentence.) This bowling league has taught me two major lessons. 1.) I hate giving high fives. I am, by no means, a germaphobe or have any type of personal space issues. But, to me, there is something inherently dirty about giving high fives. Maybe it's the fact that at the bowling all the problem is exacerbated with the dirty bowling balls and the grease from the lanes. However, I still give high fives every time someone gets a strike. Even though, it makes my belly button touch my spine. 2.) I have severe distraction issues. I can't shut my mind off long enough to throw my ball. I keep thinking about the guy on lane 12 or if my underwear are showing or how much work I have to do before bed. I think my game, and life in general, would improve if I could just stop thinking.
3.) My mom and I have plans to do immoral and illegal dealings this weekend. I am so stoked!
4.) I am currently cooking up a contest with prizes for all my online buddies. I am waiting until the prizes are in hand before I do the contest, because we all know that my online friends are not the most patient bunch. But, it will be soon. More to come.
5.) I have homework to do. I have to do a good job because, well, my professor is somewhat of a weiner. He has been ignoring my emails and such for some time. Little does he know... Oh, who I am kidding, I have no recourse. Meh.

Alright lasses and lads, time for me to hit it. Until next time.