| I feel dead only because I am aliveso finally back in Shanghai after four years of Boston life
how funny that now after only a month i'm already missing Boston , which i hated most of the time when i was there
missing all my friends in the States
trying to get touch in old friends in Shanghai but there's always a gap,
a four-year gap that is not easily filled
Dream has not died yet
but has become less and less clear to me
the more i try to reach it
the more it turns away from me
the only place i find peace and energy is Shibabu
my source of hope and courage
however little it is
the fact that it is there
makes me keep surviving
i don't regret the choice i made
though i'm tasting the bitter consequences
maybe my dream will never come true
but it will never die either
i promise myself
and to those who has faith in me
|
| |
| 20 movies and 12 books
that's the least waiting for me during spring break |
| |
| Youth is the remaining fire after storm
Grown is the death of innocence
How can i souvenir forever the craziness and tenderness before getting old... |
| |
| So, my dream will only come true if i find a way dealing with my obssessive madness before it kills me .
I just realized how busy I've been when my friends start to complain they never see me ever, even freinds on campus at Wellesley, or even scarier, friends who's in my dorm. Of course, I'm overwhelmed with all the medterms stuff going on, but especially because this fucking place is SNOWING in MARCH. It's sad that i still cannot accept this fact even now i've been here almost 3 years. Tried to call home ask mommie why she sent me to this fucking place and she ended up not there. So called Robert instead and screwed up his lunch. He's so sweet, but I felt bad.
Life has been good other than the snow, even that i don't get enough time to sleep, foget lunches and even dinners, but my true love for films and economics, my two majors, have been very rewarding at the same time painful becuase it's like in love with two hot men at the same time, especially at this moment when i think about what to do in the future, there is no way i can marry two hot men, same here, there is no way i can get into something that deals with both of my majors. My dear friends and I just started to realize my true nature of nerdiness when it comes to these two subjects, especially now I'm so sure about what i'm really interested in.
This is also the killing stage of my life because i realize how ignorant i acutually am in these two fields. The more i study, the more unknown knowledge seem to await ahead, and i'm graduating next year. realize that i know nothing about films althou i have been watching awesome films. ralize that i know nothing about international monetary policy after i have read all the awesome papers.
Planing to go to Wrentham for spring break, and maybe hiking in NH, no other exciting events exept preapring for final projects for all my classes so I can fly SHANGHAI 2 months from now. I'm excited both for my final projects, coz they are awesome topics, and for going back home, especially to see long-missing friends.
P.S. fuck herald for whatever they did, even thou dyke ball is not exaclty my party, it's a Wellesley tradition and shall not be removed because some stupid journalists made up a stupid cover story with Dear Mrs. President-in-the-future's pic under it.
Forgive my language at this moment when you consider my frustration with the fucking SNOW in MARCH.
P.S.P.S. i feel lucky now that I'm so sure about what i really love, so i wish every one of my friends would find theirs as well.
and Salut to Antonioni, Passolini, and Essenstein. |
| |
| Yes, going home, i'll be in Shanghai for the summer,
three and half months
cannot even believe
dream comes true |
| |
