| | +=[ like that color ]=+
I would love to give into every jealous tendency I have had. There's always this puckish element in that I choose not to indulge; I choose to deny and shush and then promptly sendit upon its way. But why? I mean isn't this any less natural of an emotion than any other, but I chide myself and move along. Right? Suppose that I don't really remove those jealous feelings, that I can't completely extract those pangs of envy, and that other the years they've done nothing but build up: drop of avarice after drop of avarice. What happens? It just seems like coveting and wanting and desiring are so basic and so instinctive. You desire food (not necessarily of any particular quality) because your body tells you that you need it to survive.
So why do I desire better looks, better grades, better cars, better everything? What am I supposed to do with that. If I was Christian, at least I'd have an answer and totally commit myself to fighting temptation and strengthening my devotion to the Lord. But that doesn't work so well with my little life scheme. I've spent, seriously, an hour mulling on this (sort of half-heartedly) and I really don't know what I should think. I haven't drawn any real conclusions, which worries me.
I think I have at least one existential crisis a week. That's my average. |
| | Posted 5/2/2006 10:55 PM - 13 views - 0 comments
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