We are all Hokies -with love, UWM

well...no improvements on the wisdom teeth.

i'm living with them for now, that is, until i choose to hack them out myself...kidding

i shall be moving to milwaukee soon, actually i found a lovely little area in Riverwest - sounds picturesque, but my family does not, at all in the slightest - want me to move to Riverwest. it's by campus but you know, gritty neighborhood. (after my arrest i have a bit more clout, but still...)

anyway i'm trying to figure out whether or not i'd rather live by myself or with my friends. or whether im able to live by myself or if i'd need my friends. craig has told me countless times not to worry, that nobody will let me starve/get evicted/other tragedy. i can't help it, though when there's so much tension around moving, removing a vehicle from your existence (finding a bike to replace it) and simultaneously securing a job. well i'll likely have a job regardless, but i need a good one. there's a good office job available at UWM.

VT: wow. you know, this is a horrendous event that never needed to happen. not at all, and i refuse to sound cliché, but at the same time, how did that boy become so disturbed? well he wasn't born for blood, you know? i think society plays a bigger role in this than is credited, and its devastating that it was taken out on 32 people. well, 33.

Today, we are all Hokies

:-{D moustache?

my wisdom teeth

are coming in and making it hard for me to

keep my jaw aligned properly, thereby sending

a shooting pain from the right side of my mouth up through my head and

settling behind my eye.

i want them OUT.

a week ago to the day, almost to the hour i left craig waving in his driveway. it was really, really tough. and this last week has been incredibly lonely, there's not a whole lot left in west bend anymore. even though a week is really nothing in the spectrum of things, i started to doubt his feelings for me, thinking he'd fall in love with the open road with no space left for amy.

but yesterday i got his letter, written on the back of the letter i had given him. (i didnt know how it would work out so i wrote it trying to let him know how much i care, how much i don't want to let him go yet how much i wanted him to experience this adventure, with a trailing of "i dont want to hold you back.")

it was definately a sob letter. anyway, he wrote me this wonderful letter (postmarked in bizmark, north dakota) telling me how much he missed me and how he can't wait to come back to me. i won't go into too much detail because i really want to keep this letter personal and cherished. (you better believe it'll show the signs of loved mail carefully refolded and unfolded over time.) however, when my mother told me about this, i had been walking westward on wisconsin avenue in milwaukee, away from the art museum and towards my downtown bus stop.

that meant i had two hours of pure hell waiting to see what that letter might hold, whether or not it was good, etc. as i sat on the bus feeling hunger and a sick knot in the pit of my stomach, my phone rang, caller id "Unknown". i answered it with uncertainty because i really didnt want to get my hopes up. it was the greatest feeling in the world to hear that familiar "hulloo?" (great wis-cahn-sin accent) back. i could just hear it in his voice that he really did miss me, i almost started crying when i heard his voice because it was real, it just demonstrated how he wants to put an effort into being close to me even when he's halfway across the country. that's what counts, that's what really made my day.

im just gushing about this but i feel like i dont have anyone to tell! my mom...eh...i told her all i'd like to, and she saw me smiling when i first opened the letter, she knows he brightened my dismal (and rainy) friday afternoon.

amy   :)

let life be a bowl of melted ice cream

i already miss my boyfriend. (ex? i dont know.) you know, a month and a half ago he told me he was leaving. i never really doubted that he would leave, but the concept only floated around me like that of death. you know it exists, you know that it'll happen, you just don't ever expect it to touch your life. it's never truly expected.

so we continued bonding towards the end of summer with dates and late-nights and opening up to eachother about our lives and then one day it just hits me that he's leaving. he left this morning, i drove away from him, he didnt leave me so to speak. earlier that morning, i woke up and i told him about my dream and drifted in and out of happy, oblivious, unconcious sleep for hours. then i had to go to work and i realized that i won't see him for 3 months. its only a blip in time, actually, but from this end of the spectrum i see a long line of working, homework and traveling (only commuting) with a string of holidays towards the end to pass the days.

i walked into his house last night thinking that this was "it" for us. i sincerely held the belief that he had no desire to pursue our relationship beyond these last couple months and that this separation of time and miles would change things too dramatically. i even wrote him this pitiful sob-letter while i was on the bus/campus (which i have 3 revisions of, each one conveying a completely different attitude). but he read the [second] copy after i had left and he called to tell me how he cares and that he'll miss me, that i shouldn't cry because he'll come back. as wonderful as this sounded through my own stifled sobs, i couldn't get over the fact that this voicemail is a two-week preservation of a voice i will be without until christmas.

im happy that he's going on this adventure. but i'm selfish in the nature of my missing him. god this sucks. i want to paint for him so i can give it to him when he gets back.

quizzzzz+

[[LOVE.AND.LUST]]

1. Do you like anyone?: yeah...
2. Do they know it?: oh im sure he's aware.

[[in the last month have you:]]
4. Ran a mile: yes, several.
5. Kissed someone? yes
7. Been hugged? of course
8. Felt stupid?: dear god, yes.
9. Talked to an ex?: yes.
10. Missed someone? sorta. i'll miss him even more by october :P
11. Failed a test: no.
13. Danced: dunno, probably?
14. Gotten your Hair cut?: nah.

[[U N I Q U E:]]

16. Bad habits?: smoking.
17. Are you double jointed?: yeah, in my hands.
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: sure can, either one.
20. Can you cross your eyes?: mhm.
21. Do you make your bed daily?: almost daily.
22. Do you think you are unique?: erm, yeah.

[[have you ever:]]
23. Said "I Love you": yes...however...
24. Given money to a homeless person: tried to give him a burger, but by the time i got back, he was gone.
25. Gone to a party: duh. ever? yes.
26. Waited all night for a phone call? i've waited all day. people call me during the day, yo.
27. Snuck out?: no.
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: yeah almost every summer night

[[M A N N E R S:]]
29. Do you swear/curse?:toooooo much.
30. Do you ever spit?: ick, no.
31. You cook your own food?: sometimes
32. You do your own chores?:i do what's necessary.
33. You like beef jerky?: it's okay.
34. You like pepsi or coke?: neither.
36. You own a dog?: nope, a cat.
38. Do you like to swim?: i dont know how.

[[do you prefer's:]]
41. Flowers or angels?: flowers.
42. Gray or black?: gray, like my kitty >^,,^<
43. Color or black and white photos?: both.
45. Sunrise or sunset?: sunset, rainy mornings.
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: skittles.
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: staying up late.
49. Being hot or cold?: being cold. cause somebody can warm you up :).
50. Winter or Fall?: fall.
51. Left or right?: right.
52. Have 10 acquaintances or two best friends?: several close friends
53. Sunshine or rain?: ooo...depends
54. Vanilla or chocolate ice cream?: mint chocolate chip.


[[H A V E - Y O U - E V E R]]

55. Slept in a bed with the opposite sex?: yes.
56. Hooked up w/ someone in a car?: eh, i suppose
57. Had sex in the woods?: no
58. Stolen money from a friend?: never.
59. Had a crush on a teacher?: hells no
60. seen someone die?: a hamster...
61. Slept all day?: yeah
62. Missed someone so much it hurt?: the prospect of missing someone hurts a lot, too.
63. Fell asleep in school?: no.
64. Been lonely?: most of the time.
65. Cheated in a game?: haha when i was younger
66. Been to the ER?: only to see my brother
67. Been scuba diving?: no, but matt has
68. Had detention?: not once
69. Skipped detention? never had a detention
70. Sing in the shower?: i used to
71. Hooked up with more than 2 people in 1 weekend?: ew, no.
72. Laughed so hard you cried?: i have faulty tear ducts, i cry almost every time i laugh

so you start to not be lonely anymore...you find a person you can share yourself with who is equally comfortable sharing themselves with you. you have the same goals, the same interests, though they may vary. you both like different kinds of art, let's say. you both feel motivated and inspired about life and wish others around you would feel the same. you just feel happier around this person...but there will soon be a distinct separation of miles upon miles and this can't be stopped, any more than the next morning because it's something they need to do. you don't want to say you've caused someone to regret a potentially life-altering decision. but you still don't want them to go.