Hey everyone, sorry I haven't posted in a while. I know it is a pretty long post but I hope everyone that visits this xanga will read my entire post. I feel like some one who reads it might be going through a situation similar to the situation that I went through and needs to read it, it might not be someone that visits this site but I think someone needs to read it. If you know someone who needs to see this post could you please show them. This post is about a struggle that I went through a few years ago, I think it is a good testimony and I've been wanting to share with as many people as I can. If this post impacts you in any way I would love to hear it so please don't hesitate to comment.

It all started when the church that I went to Youth Group at suddenly announced that they were going to move to a new location and that a new church was going to move in. My best friend was going with the church that was moving and the new location was going to be further away from my house and with the high gas prices my family was going to stay behind with the new church. Church is a big part of my life and since my friend was going to go with the church this was a big change. The change opened my eyes to see that my best friend wasn't really such a good friend. When I tried to make new friends, I couldn't since I have always been a quiet person and I now know that my expectations unrealistic, I wanted the perfect friend right away that I could share stuff with and trust them with what I told them. Fortunately I didn't just go up to someone and start telling them about all my problems only to hear it all over the school but I just started to feel sorry for myself. With the church moving  and the of familiarity that I had in the church it was a big change in my life and I went into a depression and started having suicidal thoughts. I couldn't see God's plan for the situation and I actually told myself that it wasn't worth serving God anymore but there was something that held on to me like superglue. I just couldn't give up my walk with God. After awhile there was a group that came to my school that talked about a girl named Rachel who died in the Columbine shootings because of her love for Christ. After the new church moved in I found out that it was the church that helped out with the event then I found a guy who helped out with the presentation and, you guessed it, we became good friends, and we still are. Before I got a good friend I had to make my expectations more realistic and I had to give my search for a friend into Gods hands. If I let this situation take over me I wouldn't be here writing this and someone who needs to hear it wouldn't.

I hope my testimony helps someone, but even if it doesn't apply to you right now please don't just throw it off and forget about it, it might be a valuable tool. You might be wandering why things are happening that don't make sense, give your situation to God and let him deal with it. God often uses hard times to strengthen your faith in him, if God didn't have a chance to help you you might question the power that he has. It might be hard now but with Gods help you can make it through. If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts try to replace those thoughts with thoughts of the future. God might use your depression to help someone going through the same situation later in life like he is using mine. They might have plans of suicide and your testimony could save their life. Also if you have suicidal thoughts please don't try to go through it by yourself, get someone to talk to, someone like a pastor or your parents. Don't loose hope.