I hate myself. I have been cheating on Ana so bad and my stomach is blowing up like balloon, and I am not exaggerating. What is wrong with me? WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SUCH AN EFFING FAT PIG?!?!?!?! Grr....I hate myself. I want to cry. My mom is going away this weekend, so it is time to kick my diet into high gear. And I am serious. I am going to set long term goals for myself. If I don't I will find some way, somehow to pay back myself and give myself the pain I deserve.

Friday (tomorrow):

B'fast: Nothing. Make it look like I ate cereal.

Lunch: A saltine cracker. Not two; one.

Dinner: Get out of dinner if you can. Mom will be out of town and Dad will be at work so this should be perfect.

Saturday:

B'fast: Nothing. Same as Friday.

Lunch: A piece of gum.

Dinner: See if I can get out of it. If I can't try not to eat a lot and do anything to keep from eating.

Sunday:

B'fast: Two slices of an apple.

Lunch: 1 saltine cracker.

Dinner: Try and get out of it.

Monday:

B'fast: Nothing. Make it look like I ate cereal, once again.

Lunch: Grape juice.

Dinner: Try and get out of it.

Tuesday:

B'fast: Nothing. Make it look like I ate cereal.

Lunch: Grape juice.

Dinner: Try and get out of it.

Wednesday:

B'fast: Bowl of cereal. No milk.

Lunch: 1 saltine cracker.

Dinner: Try and get out of it.

Thursday:

B'fast: 1/2 glass grapefruit juice.

Lunch: 1 saltine cracker.

Dinner: Try and get out of it.

Friday:

B'fast: 1 piece of gum

Lunch: 1 saltine cracker.

Dinner: Try and get out of it.

So that is my plan for the time being. I have to stick with it. I have to keep it up. I can't be fat. I must be perfect.

Still going strong. My mom has been bothering me to eat for the past hour or so. She asked what I had to eat and I told her a peanut butter sandwich. She asked why there were no plates in the sink and I told her you don't need a plat to eat a sandwich and I held it in my hand. She didn't really believe me, but I took off and took a shower so she couldn't bother me about it anymore. I took a banana out of the fruit bowl, unpeeled it, and sent it down the sink through the food processor thing to make it look like I ate. Before I took a shower, I looked in the mirror. The funny thing is, you can see my ribs and my arms look very skinny, but my stomach still appears large. Why is this? Does anyone have any ideas how to flatten it out once and for all? Stay strong, girls. I know I'm trying to.

Still haven't eaten anything. I've done another 100 crunches, plus I went on the Stairmaster for 15 minutes. I plan to stick to my fast all day, and stick to my plan tomorrow. I have revised my plan for tomorrow. Here it is:

Breakfast: Half an orange sunrise smoothie

Lunch: 2 saltine crackers

Dinner: Try to pick around it.

Please only leave comments if they are positive! For anyone who thinks I don't exercise and should stop complaining about  my weight and exercise....FYI; I do. I just did 300 crunches, plus I had field hockey today. I would go running if my mom would let me go anywhere alone (she is absolutely convinced that I am going to get kidnapped) and I would need a ride there and, uhhh, I don't have a car! Duh! What am I supposed to do? Run in place? Tommorrow's (the day of the fast) exercise regimen:

1. 300 crunches

2. 15 minutes on the stairmaster.

3. A workout video of some kind.

4. Pilates

I can't really think of anything else to do at the moment. Plus, I can't spend all day exercising when I have homework to do. I am going to stick to my plan. I am going to stick to my plan. I am going to stick to my plan. I know I can't usually be counted on to stick to my usual plans, but this time I PROMISE I will. And, I punished myself by fasting like I did last time, didn't I? I am a trustworthy girl. I will eat nothing tommorrow and drink only water. I am going to do it this time, I swear I will. Then next week I will stick to my plans even if I am tempted. I usually do, I just don't know what happened this week. But this week I WILL ABSOLUTELY STICK TO MY PLAN.  If I don't, there will be fast after fast. I will reach my goal of 100. I will reach my goal and stick with Ana. Please, please, please, please, please, please, please more comments about ideas of how to hide my dinner! My family is catching on more and more every day! I had to eat all of my pasta tonight and 1/5 of my salad, plus a glass of milk. This is way too much! Please Ana girls I need to know how you get out of it.

Thinspiration:

Well, I am going to do some crunches, watch TV, and possibly read a little. I'll keep you guys posted throughout my fast tommorrow! Lots of love!