who would have thought that 26 days after my last entry that my entire life would change forever? who could have imagined the events that occured on that morning?
On August 31, 2005 at 5:30 am is the biggest part of my life was taken from me. It came out of nowhere. I saw my dad in the living room of my house...most people would think thats normal...but considering my dad moved to Texas about a month or two prior to that it wasn't. The next thing i knew my doorbell rung and the police were at my door. This was the last time I would ever speak to my dad again. With guns pointed at me i was forced out of my own home not knowing that i would never see my dad again. As i walked onto my front porch i looked up and saw my entire front yard filled w/ police and guns. I looked up and down my street only to see it lined with police cars. When i looked closer at the police i noticed automatic rifles being pointed at my house. When i saw this i went crazy and started yelling at all the police there and then i was rushed by 4 or 5 cops and cuffed and put in the back of a cop car. On the computer i could see exactly what was going on outside my house written on the message board. It all felt like a dream.
The cop car was then backed down to the end of the street where i sat for an agonizing 2 hours, still cuffed. The police threw in a cell phone and tried calling it for those hours w/ no response. TO CLEAR MY DADS NAME UP, MY FAMILY AND I WERE NEVER AT ANY POINT HELD HOSTAGE. NORE WERE WE HELD AT GUNPOINT.
Andy, my sisters boyfriend showed up and then my grandpa...negotiators got me out of the car and asked me questions but the only one i can remember is what kind of beer my dad liked which was of course Bud Light.
My grandpa tried to get me to leave w/ him but instead i refused and told him that there was no way i was going to leave my dad. I was then cuffed again and put into the back of another car. The officer drove around to the other side of the block and parked there where i sat for another hour and a half. At the end of that time was when i was told that my dad had shot himself. As you can imagine i didnt take that well by any means. I broke down and cried for the longest time i have ever cried in my life. The tears quickly turned into anger and i started cussing and yelling at the police. One cop especially who had earlier told me that i was a dumbass and to sit there and shut up. I yelled at him and told him to leave and he said im not going anywhere. I charged at him and was then held back by another cop. After that he left. I havent seen that cop since but when I do I swear he will get his.
That is what happened that morning. My mom wouldn't let me drive anywhere. So I called my best friend Brandon Storey's parents to come pick me up. Me and his dad drove around for a while just talking.
Since then i have felt numb about everything and still in shock everytime i think about it. I have no idea how to deal w/ it. I didnt go to school for a month so by the time i was ready to go back i was too far behind and my principal told me that my only option was dropping out and going to boulevard academy. So I'm on the waiting list there.
That night i parked my trucks on the railroad tracks and if it wasnt for Lance Bryant, who is like a brother to me now, i probably would have stayed there. My mom let me drive that night and also told me i could stay at matt's house. So after i got off of them and went back to matt's i was met by 7 cop cars who then forced me to call my mom and have her pick me up, and the time was 1:30 am.
Since then it feels like my life has fallen apart. I have lost the one thing that meant most to me in my life. My dad was the best man, and best dad in the world. I loved him so much. He is now gone and won't ever be coming back. There isnt a day that goes by that i don't think about him. I just wish i could talk to him one more time..
I always took my family for granted thinking nothing will ever happen to them and they will always be there. That was a big mistake. I now live everyday of my life knowing that anything could happen at any minute and it scares me to death. To whoever reads this-please don't take your family for granted like I did. I wish i could take back my 16 years and re-live them just so i could make my dad happier and more proud of me. That morning is proof that you never ever know what is going to happen. So with that said please dont make the mistake I did. It's the biggest pain in the world to live with....I can't tell you how many nights I have spent lying awake crying my eyes out.
To all my friends- thank you all so much for being there for me. If it wasnt for you i wouldnt make it through the day. I honestly love you guys more than you'll ever know.
In memory of my dad,
Timothy Andrew Russell
November 9, 1966-August 31, 2005
Dad, if you can read this, which i know you can, I love and miss you more than anything. You were the greatest thing in the world to me. Not a day goes by that i dont think about you. I love you dad. | 
