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| Fucking shitty shit fuck.
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| First Friday without my Baybee..When I was thinking about what to name this entry, many things came to mind...
such as....Worst Night EVER. or, Most Random Night of My Life.
but then i thought that the one that i chose was better. it explains a lot.
first of all...Friday night are the nights i always spend at my baby's. i literally skip out of school to go see him with my huge backpack full of clothes.
Okay, so let me start by just updating u...
freshman year is almost over. Gage has moved to kenya and im dying. i am going to fail every class i took this sem.
i have a job interview tomorrow and im ssssooooo nervous.
So my morning started off normal..talked to Gage. Then I had to get ready for school, and I realized it was my first friday without my baby, cuz usually i havea whole backpack to fill up with clothes. so that was weird.
Then Gage made me cry. cuz i kinda felt like he didnt care abotu me anymore...cuz he was desperately trying to get off skype, but then again it was like...4AM for him..lol..whatever. i'm jsut scared that this is gna kill me. and it wont work out. which will kill me too.
ANYWAYS, then i got to school, had a kanji quiz. I cheated and prolly got 100. (my first one in that class i think)
and then....i dno..talked to lots of ppl today. then TP we watched a trippy ass fkiin movie, and then English we wrote haikus. or..senryus? and then got ou 30 mn early.
During english though, my phone rang and it was this lady who matt works for but hes leaving and i wanted to take his place so he asked and gave her my #. so thennnnnn, she called and i told he id go for an interview tomorrow.
man im so nervous. i dno what to wear n shit..fuck iiiiiiiiit. i mean i already have a job, and anotherone i could go back to.but 2500 an hour is pretty fkin good.
So thennn, asuka picked me up from school. and we chilled there for a bit. then we hopped on the train to shibz with miyoko, but miyoko had to go home to her new apt in ebisu! (LUCKYYY) so then in shibz, me n asuka met up with noah, and went to bic camera, where he got some GREEN LABEL! (fucking grossssss) and then we went to go play darts. he sucked but he won. (luck) me n asuka were kickin his ass first but then no. he won. i got a low ton n shit toooooo. (>.<)
kay so then we went to bum park for a bit. then miyoko called and told us to meet her at sankusu next to hubs.
so when we got there, MAD sophia kids were there, which was cool cuz asuka was havin a good time socializing. i dno..we ran into sooo many random ppl! lol, we saw tomo (well, i finally met him and asuka and miyoko were all like TOMO!!) and oh yea, noah had to leave early to catch his bus home. anyways, lots of random crazy shit.
homeless dude. alcohol.
bleh. so we somehow ended up in karaoke with miyoko's friends. (wow im never going with those fuckers again.)
i mean, im not the nicest person in the world, but i wont like b a dick to ppl i dont know, and i wont be inconsiderate n shit. fuck esp a guy to a girl like wtf. so me and asuka were fucking pissed durin karaoke. like i got a drink spilled on me, mic stolen away, yelled at, like...just shit that really didnt need to happen. fucking drunk ass lanky fucking big bird looking ass wipe. i swear i could have poured that whole pitcher of calpis sour on his fucking ugly jew fro. OMG. anyways.ew he was so ugly. and those other ppl were so weird. and yea then cute little adam had weed n a bong. so hea passed it around, but i didnt smoke.
anyways, we got out of karaoke, thank god. stayed as far away as possible from those guys. saw illirijan, and nik, and bobbeh (as i remember gino calling him) lol illirijan cheered me up but then he told me about how being engaged is fucked up. and whatever, maybe it was for him, but im loving it. so then we went to a standing bar, and i really dont know, things got weird n messy, but me n miyoko were like fk the bar, so we went back to stand in fornt of mac, but then it was gay so then i went back to the bar and miyoko came too. then i was like ok screw this, im catching last train.....
then as i was walking towards the sta. i saw cielo. i called asuka to come say hi cuz i knew she was friends with him, and i knew she hadnt seen him in a while. yea then i finally got on my way home, but then no, i ran into roddy! and he tried to drag me away with im n his friends buti was like, NO. much catch last train.
and yea, thats kinda my story for tonight.
fuck and thru all of tihs, i wasnt even drunk. how annoying.
whatever. must go to bed<3
xoxox
i love you gage<3
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| Nothing ever changes.I feel like my brain is about to explode.
inside every part of my body i want to scream. i want to run away.
but to what..?
I have no concept of anything anymore. my mind is an endless file cabinet of complaints and fights and endless pain.
I cant take it anymore.
School work is wearing me out.
Home is an insane asylum.
Good friends are hard to find, and when you find them, theyre always a dissapointment.
Love is fake. Love is unreasonable. Love is selfish. And Love is not all we need.
Ignorant assholes should all go die. Families should stay by eachother.
Mothers should not be single. And their kids should not be used as therapists.
I feel like my brain is about to explode.
How can such a cruel world exist? All we need to survive is money.
Money buys happiness. Money buys a good education. Money buys big houses where single mothers can put their pianos. Money buys tissues that wipe our tears.
I can't even do my hw anymore because my brain wont function and my school, my classes, my classmates...it's all a fucking joke. Thinking processes. what. the. fuck. we hop from philosophy, to metaphors, to science, to history in 2 months and are expected to know what? fuck that shit.
Oh xanga, you're always here when i need some thing to rant to.
why cant the world be a better place? where people dont go blind. where people can live as they like? where money is an idea we laugh at....? i'm so sick of seeing so much suffering. life is so pointless. this world is.
I've run out of things to say. which is a good thing. then maybe i can put my brain to better use and actually do my fucking homework.
fights. broken glass. splattered wine. countless times. dented trash cans. scratched floors. stained carpets. dirty tissues. stubborn whistles. empty bottles. sleepless nights. unfinished homework. stuffy noses. puffy eyes. dizziness.
i want to stay but i have to go.
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| Epiphany.Dissapointment is the outcome of High Expectations.. I really thought that this time was going to be different. BUT, once a bitch always a bitch. wow. | | |
| HAXI just haxed shiva's old xanga. lol..no not really..
i made it 4 him a long time ago and i still get emails for it..
so i was like...hmmmm...lets see what i can dooo..
so i worte a blog...jsut for old times sake like when i used to... AGAIN, wow, how times change.
anyways. i cant wait til tomorrow because mary is coming and its st. patty's day! I WANT JESSE MCCARTNEY IN MY BED RIGHT NOW. OMFG. JM = SEX x 99999999999999999 goodnight. | | |
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