I have no idea what my title means, by the way.

I've overhauled the look on my xanga as of tonight.  I had not graced it with my presence in so long that when I clicked my bookmark today it was a quick first appearance-like blinding to my eyes with the green-on-black scheme.  No thanks.

Taiwan still engulfs me.  That is, I'm not able to appreciate the hard work of the American government and the ideal state of the American economy, either.  I'm also banned from all Olympic videos on the web, and excruciatingly frustrated at the ad-filled, bright, cloggy nature of the Taiwanese news channel coverage of the event.  I've been reduced, say even banished to having to "keep up" by reading news articles (Which, by the way.  Has become 50% of my day ever since Steve left and all I have to look forward to is blasting worship music seemingly played on purpose to keep me from sleeping.), and I can't quite grasp the amazingness of such a legendary swimming comeback through text considering I've never witnessed a swimming comeback in my life.

But I write.  And I really want to.  Music, that is.  I'm inspired every day that I'm here, but I've no guitar (not to mention a lack of guitar skill) and I don't possess the skill to write anything on piano (or the skill to write anything on guitar, for that matter.  G C D C G C D C anyone?).  I also keep forgetting that I lost my pen at school, and every time I feel like I have an idea, it ultimately gets repeated in my head (instead of transcribed onto a notebook) until I'm so sick of it that I still have 0.  We'll see how that goes, but so far I'm scoring a proud 12% in my own gradebook in terms of progress.

Taiwan is becoming increasingly lonely, with mornings, afternoons, and nighttimes to boot.  I can only sleep past 12 to ditch a morning so many times before my conscious decides to beat me up in the form of nightmares (which are given in the form of "giving me my completely unattainable wants in a bowl of dream phase").  I want to spend extended time here, but living in such a 高級 place with my parents makes me think I'm back in high school again.  With my friends either all busy or in the US, walking through the apartment and seeing 9 pictures of myself on the way to the bathroom is starting to get to me.  I've been saying for a long time that I don't want to come home, but the instinctive part of my social pysche is beginning to remind me of what I have to lose on both sides.  Maybe I'm worn out of this scene in Taiwan...I'm more looking forward to changing the scene within the change of scenery, and holding on to the factors that made the first change of scenery so appealing.

The joy that I feel while I'm here is so unique to what I experience in New Jersey.  In New Jersey, I'm a kid who looks forward to easy-going, sparsely populated hangouts doing the safe things that I know I'll enjoy.  In Taiwan, those hangouts were backup plans that turned out to be forever memorable when shared with the best of friends.  When I'm here in Taiwan, we run to catch shows and call $9 a ticket expensive (a $30 show in NY is not expensive, fellas.), even if it comes with a drink.  Cigarrettes are $2 a pop, the drinking age (unenforced) is 18, and everyone seems to live in pure honesty and consideration to others.  I know that I've been ushered into a unique group of people (and not all Taiwanese people are like this), but it doesn't change the fact that I've met friends who have taught me so much about myself, music, and friendship that I don't ever want to forget them or the times we've had.

But yes, that being said, I have changed my viewpoint a bit.  I can't wait for America so that I can furthermore fail at being disciplined.  I can't wait for football, played, watched, or fantasized.  I can't wait to see the beautiful American boys and girls and speak english again.  I can't wait to kick Dave Lo and Liping and Eric's ass in smash again, and then turn around and get equally as spanked by Do-young.  What I know I will miss is speaking Chinese and feeling foreign and fobby, being able to live (to an extent) without expectation or regret, great fking music, and sweating (Not! black).

The buck stops here.  (I know that makes absolutely no sense, but f-it.  Whatevers. ;) )

See you soon.

So I sat staring blankly at my micro test sheet fidgeting with my hands while scraping super glue off my thumbnails with a pen(when you're bored studying...).  Fighting away the frustrations and worry, I realized that school was out once I handed in this stupid test packet. 

*hands it in*

Whew that was fun.  The day was finished, the grades were in, but for some reason it still takes a long time to get to me (How much can a teacher slack?  Aren't they done once they finish grading too?).  We'll see how my GPA goes, I'm starting to care less and less about the number as I tend to brand it trivial when it obviously isn't.  Oh well, it's out of my hands for now.

Yesterday we stayed up to make it to the CCF beach trip at 3 AM.  It was a fun time, driving down with Chris as my attentive (AWAKE!?) wingman and listening to some good music while driving down the parkway (Snowden and Eits, Eits and Andrew Bird).  On the beach we had some delicious (I used that word all day and I had to fit it in here somewhere) conversation and fellowship, and I got to talk to some people I don't usually talk to.  What a boring blog this is so far.

The only reason I started to write though, is because I want to hear other's opinions on one troublesome issue, one of those things that I don't think matters to anybody but me but here I go anyways. 

How do you guys do in groups?Eh...I suck in groups, at least ones larger than 4 people.  When there are a lot of people around, I tend to think people over-act in their roles, exaggerate their personality, and hide their less socially accepted traits.  For me, I don't know how I'm supposed to act as I tend to think about what every person is thinking about everything that I do (I'm exaggerating a bit, but when you roll a thought around in your head the experiences and memories snowball it to something worth writing about), and I end up quitting and either becoming a retreatist or retreating. 

It then goes from the thoughts in my inability to interact the way I want to in a group (I think it's because I sometimes feel like I need to dominate a conversation with bad humor or wittiness...one of my faults) to thinking about how others feel.  I start to observe and compare the "group personalities" and the "intimate personalities" of different people to see whether they function better in groups or in intimate settings.  Some people clearly thrive when around a lot of people, the socialites that are able to function just as well as they would in any situation, even when surrounded by so many different beliefs and expectations that they are subject to respecting to avoid a deviant label.  I begin to think, then, what the fundamental personality differences are between me and someone who likes being a group.  Who's the insecure one?  Is it me, who seemingly isn't confident or comfortable enough to broadcast himself to a large amount of people; keeping reservations of offending people and being awkward?  Or is it the other side, people who (in my opinion) dumb down their real selves and personalities or beliefs to please the large amount of people around them? 

Of course there are other factors, such as the willingness to be in such a group or the frequency of group interactions being a choice.  If one doesn't do well in a group it's likely that he or she won't voluntarily join a group setting too often.  Oh well. Not a big deal, just a thought.

Snowden/The Epochs tomorrow and Helio Sequence on Sunday...woot

Yesterday I traversed with a group of friends (never been with them, actually) to see Eisley in Hoboken.  I guess I was excited, maybe more to see a show than to see Eisley specifically. 

Naturally, my ignorance was proven wrong again by the talented musicians that I go to see.  Eisley was amazing.  They should have caused all my excitement and perpetuated my patience when stupid opening bands perform.  But that aside, I did have excitement in me, and so I took that and jumped into my car, blasting Menomena for good measure and musical orgasms (I can definitely make an alliterated statement akin to "Menomena matches the idea of musical mast..." but I won't.  SFW.) and headed to Busch to pick up my entourage!

Chris, Jen, and Dennis were waiting for me in front of Burger King (I can only assume they were working out, or enjoying the culinary equivalent of exercising there) and from there we headed out.  We told a familiar face we were going to see Eisley, all the while knowing that we wouldn't get the response we deserved, let alone a response at all (to quote..."?"). 

We drove, leaving a bit late, honestly because I wanted to avoid seeing too much of a bad opening band (more on how ironic my life is later on) and avoid traffic, but left and continued on the turnpike making good time.  We eventually got to the venue after a music filled discussion and listening session on the drive.  Hoboken, NJ - Don't get stabbed.

It was surprisingly nice, though, in downtown Hoboken (Washington St, at least).  It looked like a small older New York and we were all quite surprised (Despite Dennis's constant "until you get stabbed" compliment/commendation suffixes.).  I guess it was for the sake of similarity to NY that there was absolutely no parking in sight, too.  We drove in circles (oh we got lost earlier, too), trying to find a spot, all the while complaining/conversing.  Thank God, our drive-prayers worked eventually and we found a spot a few blocks from Maxwell's.

Maxwell's is this lovely bar/restaurant which has a small venue that I can't believe fits more than 150-200 people inside.  We walked directly into the room and saw Vedera performing.  What a damn voice!  I'll say it now, a girl who can sing is something else.  If you can belt with perfect vocal control and pitch, you're something worth listening to.  We were near the back of the room, and still within 20 feet of the band, I would describe it as awesome. 

Vedera finished their set after 2 more songs (we missed most of it), and after the equipment did some shuffling/dancing The Myriad came on.  Before I say anything else about their music or their performance, let's reflect on this name.  I remember clearly in a college application advice column saying "Don't use words that sound fancy, like myriad, in your essays.  It makes you sound pretentious."  Coupled with the fad-following 'The ______" business and the overall emo/ugly look of the band members, it's easy to say that we weren't too excited for the set (other than that...they better be good cause they look so bad excitement...which never really works.).  This is where irony rears its head again.  They sucked.  So badly.  We left late to avoid a bad band and we missed Vedera, just in time to make the full set of The Pretentious.  The asian guy who needed to shave and get rid of the missed emo haircut who played guitar actually had the nerve to use a bow on his electric a la Sigur Ros for his formulaic and boring riff for his formulaic and pretentious band's formulaic and inaudible song (nice levels...keep pointing those fingers up you myriads, you definitely need it louder).  Gosh, so many things were wrong with these guys and everything they did seemed like it was pre-meditated, presumably to make themselves look cool.  Epically failed.

But the main act came on and it was well worth it.  Eisley is amazing.  Let's just put it out there.  They are one of the most unique and fascinating indie bands in the world.  Here comes a list chock-full of bad grammar and infatuation...They're a family.  They're Christian, and from Texas.  They're all chicks who can play guitar/piano very well and rock out.  They're cute.  They can do the aforementioned SINGING.  Their harmonies are sick, unmatched.  Their melodies are intricate and their hooks are catchy, yet you can never seem to get enough of them.  They improv live and play off each other's emotions, and it shows in their songs.  Related to that, they trust each other.  Their voices sound amazing on record, and even better live.  Stacy is so cute.  Her eyes are so yum.  And she's so cute when she bobs her head up while she sings.  Combinations is great, the song, that is.  Combinations is awesome live and loud, the album, that is.  They say thank you at least 3 times after every song.  They're real, and they talk to the audience.  They're genuine and absolutely NOT pretentious.  They played songs from Room Noises, one of the best albums of all time IMO.  Their shirt is awesome, and I'm wearing it.  3 Eisley pins for $3 = win.

There's more...but it's not worth it.  Talk to me about them if you want to hear more, or check them out on their website.  You'll be hooked in no time.

This was too long.  It was a great night.  Thanks to Jen, Chris, and Dennis for laughs, realizations, gushings, accords, and great fried brie.  Maxwell's, I'll see you at The Epochs and The Helio Sequence. =D